Epiphany of a Patriot

I used to be a patriot. I still remember driving to work in a surreal fog on the morning of 9/11, awash in the emotion and pain of my recent separation from my ex-wife, ex step-daughter, and daughter. I was aghast when I heard the radio broadcast relaying that a plane had hit the WTC, and then further shocked still when the second impact was reported. I would alternate between extreme sadness for the victims and rage toward the perpetrators in the days that followed those heinous events, though the pain I felt I was sharing with the American community as a whole somehow seemed to offset in some measure the personal despair I was experiencing as the breakdown of my family and my life overtook most every fiber of my being. I had moved out of the family home less than two weeks earlier after my daughter's mother demanded a divorce and was already badly missing my little girl.

In the weeks following 9/11 American flags were very hard to come by. I gave up searching and instead printed an 8.5" x 11" full color flag I had located on the internet. I taped that flag in the rear window of my truck with heartfelt pride just days after 9/11 and there it had been, stoically, proudly, ever since. There were more than a couple of occasions in the weeks and months of aftermath when I found myself breaking down into sobbing tears as I drove down the road and deeply contemplated the orphaned children, dead parents, and countless scores of lives affected by that savage terrorist-inflicted tragedy. I would often play Lee Greenwood's 'Proud to be an American' and well up with pride as I cried tears of righteous nationalism for the victims of the tragedy and the violated values of American morality and freedom. I wrote letters to the President urging him not to listen to the naysayers and in support of his foreign policy decisions. Historically I've been a news junkie and scholar of world events, even obsessively, over the years and I was riveted by the intensity of American nationalism, the prospective clash of civilizations, the international proliferation of ever-more-devastating weapons, and a variety of other compelling and newsworthy issues that brought to the surface my inner feelings of patriotism. After all, this country, our America, was certainly the bastion of light in a darkening world, poised to lead the civilized and free across the globe in the pursuit of the worldwide dissemination of democracy alongside our superior morality, ethicality, and lofty values. I was a true patriot.

As the months and years passed I would discuss, debate, and even argue long and hard with family members, friends, acquaintances, and anyone who would engage me about national security, global warming, radical Islam, China's economic growth and threat to Taiwan, Russian nuclear assistance to Iran, and the European/American steel rift. I would pontificate at length about our need to seal the country's borders, support the Patriot Act, consider pre-emptive action overseas, and repeal the death tax. I would weigh into local radio talk shows to voice my view on how American military action was too politicized and wasn't being conducted in accordance with the most important principles of troop protection. I would bristle over the stories on corruption at the United Nations and how the security council and member states had undermined the U.S. in the runup to the Iraq invasion. I watched the Presidential debates with fervor and conviction, though I considered myself neither a Republican nor a Democrat. I'd make note on an almost daily basis as to the status of the legislative battle over judicial nominees, allegations of Executive Branch corruption as they related to Halliburton, and the Democratic assertions that the judiciary was being hijacked by John Ashcroft's religious values on behalf of the right wing of the country. I would ponder the Republican charges of purposeful congressional paralysis by the Democrats, the debate over oil drilling at ANWAR, and the California fiscal crisis. The global migration of the American labor force and associated adverse implications on the U.S. economy would cause me much consternation and I would spend significant amounts of time researching, considering, and engaging in discourse over the potential ramifications of the outsourcing of America. There were a plethora of issues I would pay close attention to, study, and attempt to work through in the privacy of my own thoughts as well as in the company of others who expressed concern about such issues. I was a true patriot.

All the while, in the years subsequent to my divorce and unwanted separation from my daughter, I was being dragged through the family law system in the state of NH. I don't bring up NH in particular because it has any significance other than being mine and my daughter's state of residence. I ended up spending over thirty thousand dollars in litigation and GAL expenses trying to stay an integral part of my daughter's life, even as her mother was doing everything within her power to keep us apart (and continues to engage in an attempt to alienate my daughter from me to this day). Though I am one of the fortunate non-custodial parents in the United States who had the means to fight for access to my daughter, for both of our sakes, I still had many days where I felt perilously close to the emotional breaking point as my daughter's mother and her immoral and unethical attorney used the court system against me wherever and whenever possible. I was then, and am now, being bled dry to the tune of over 25% of my income (after taxes), such that I am unable to save money for my daughter's college. And this is true despite the fact that I essentially left my ex-wife and her stepdaughter, who had nothing to their names when I met them 6 years prior to the divorce, financially set for life. I was fortunate enough to hit it big during the high tech boom of the late 90s and provided them with a fully furnished half million dollar home and no mortgage, luxury SUV and no car payment, fifty thousand dollars in the bank, and not a penny of debt. My child support now goes toward helping pay for trips to France and Mexico and ski vacations for my daughter's mother and her new husband (husband #3), while my 8 year old daughter reports having to pay for her 3rd grade backpack with her birthday money. The NH courts refused to grant me a penny of offset for the afterschool program I have my daughter enrolled in on the days she is with me, nor for any of her clothes or other necessities at our home together, or toward any expenses whatsoever incurred at our home for utilities or anything else. If you are a non-custodial parent you obviously understand the situation and need no further information as you are likely living in a similar state of disbelief at how you have been treated by the blind scales of American family justice.

Point is that with all of the pain I have come to realize has been, and is being, inflicted on parents and children around this country under the guise of 'family law' I suddenly decided, during an epiphany last week, that perhaps my patriotism has been misplaced. Yes.... Yes, it has. What of the high moral ground we stand for as Americans? What of the better lives we have planned for the children and families of other 'uncivilized' countries around the world? Hmmmm... I haven't had the opportunity to pay much attention to the world or national news over the last two months as I've been focused, obsessively, instead on doing everything I can to support the effort toward family law reform in New Hampshire. I've found during that effort that there are scores of individuals who claim to represent the always politically correct, but always amorphous, 'best interests of the children'. These people are mostly attorneys and other divorce industry insiders, but there are also child advocates, feminists, and others who directly advocate the continued abrogation of equal parenting rights through opposition to equal parenting protections for fit parents. These people seem to think, in their wisdom, that Judges and Attorneys and GALs (usually another word for Attorneys) are better suited (while getting paid handsomely) over the course of hours to decide what is best for American children than those children's fit parents are, even in those cases of no-fault divorce (or no-fault separation outside of marriage) where one of the parents is forced unwillingly into a dissolution of the family unit. And this parent who is forced unwillingly into said family dissolution is overwhelmingly the one who these Judges, Attorneys, and GALs decide shouldn't get to be equal parents to their children... Hmmmm... Try as I might to ponder the thoughts and rationale of such intelligent, educated, and self-righteous people I am truly at a loss to come to grips with their direct contribution to the destruction of the American family through emphatic support of the status quo, its massive incentivization of divorce, and the associated uneven hand dealt non-custodial parents (usually Fathers) by American family courts. Heck, who can make sense of what our family law system does to our military heros as they return from the overseas battle for freedom only to be met by stolen children, outlandish support arrearages, and nowhere near the justice and freedom they've been taught they're risking their lives for overseas...?

Yes, I have had a sobering and heartfelt epiphany. Last week, after three and a half years, I took down that American flag in the back window of my pickup and boxed it up. I won't be cuing up Lee Greenwood again any time soon (and will change the station if he comes on the radio), and I don't much care about Iran's nuclear ambitions, Syria's support of Iraqi insurgents, China's pinning the Yuan to the dollar, or France's bad attitude. The Democrats and Republicans can duke it out on CSPAN or FOX or CNN or wherever and I've little concern. American labor exodus....? Social Security reform...? The one and a half billion dollars slated for the preservation of marriage (forgive me if I don't chuckle)...? Gay marriage...? Who cares... Not this non-custodial parent. For I have seen the light. Until family law policy and the associated devastation of the lives of children, parents, and families in the United States is reconciled, there is no high moral ground. And I shan't pretend there is. The soapbox of lofty American values is a weak mirage and nothing more. I can't speak for every NCP, but this one no longer has a dog in this fight...

From: nhman1

To: ApesForEvolution

And what would you do? Anger and/or continued legal fighting often begets further constraints in access to your children... Your comments are the puffy-chested stuff from a fictional super-hero comic book and bear no relationship to reality. Thank your lucky stars you've never come face to face with the truth.

From: ApesForEvolution

To: nhman1

My children are MY children.
Capiche?
Mess with that concept and people die. Period, paragraph and End of Story

Ape-Dude,

We gotta work on your conflict resolution skills!

We have resolution incidents like this quite frequently – the last one to gain prominence was in Tyler, Texas. Here’s how it ended up, Apeman:

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/4232509/detail.html#

Check out the link for the dashboard camera

I don’t think this is the way you want it. You’re well aware of the fashion in which the PC media and government are going to paint it. You might find a few that will give some token mention to your side of the story; but it’ll get buried in the propaganda the government wants to release and the public is accustomed to hearing.

But rationally, this is all the more reason for parents to be treated equally before the law. It could have been resolved so easily if the system had simply treated the parents as equals (that’s my take anyway).

'This guy is no longer a patriot because of a bad divorce? Are you kidding me? This guy has some serious issues.'

Another Constitutional scholar and psychologist, huh? I'll make an analogy in case your attention span is long enough to take heed:

It seems to me you would argue that a real blackjack player would, under duress, continue to sit, play, and have all that he owns taken at a Vegas table where the dealer is handing a Joker to the only other player at the table on every hand.

After recognizing how he'd been had, as the man up and walked dazed from the table, you'd likely postulate with glee 'This guy is no longer a blackjack player because of a few bucks lost gambling? Are you kidding me? This guy has some serious issues.'

Picture, if your attention span allows, the substitution of one's children for the gambling losses (actually, add them together) after being forced to sit at this crooked table by a dealer backed with the full power of your beloved American justice system.

I welcome you to the crooked table, my friend. My seat is available now. What's that, you don't want a seat? Ahhhh, I see. Well why don't you sit down anyway... Or, perhaps I'll reserve that seat for one of your cherished descendents or other loved ones. Surely one of them will play...

'it's my sad belief that Republicans won't be standing up for Judical tyrany (or any other tyrany) until a Democrat is in office again. they seem to think we can bask in some percieved "utopia" and not watch and check in law makers nor the law intepreters. for proof check out the "vote" on the side bar. apathetic and sad....'

Very true. And very sad. Hence my disgust with both parties. A whole lot of lip service does not make for a defensible bastion of freedom in this backward world, though it may in the marketing arena of American politics. These other patriots can continue to tout the cause of American freedom. Until their own time at the crooked table of family justice comes, that is...

It is strange and ironic how so many *true* patriots actually share so much in common with the often-heckled Europeans. Their inability to recognize the actual underlying (and growing) danger of this cancer within is essentially a direct parallel to the Europeans who fail to see the true danger of what happened on 9/11. 'Not on my soil' syndrome...

and it's not just family court Marc. it's most courts... most judges.... most DA's ... heck, most lawyers. Lawyers should not be made into Judges. that's like letting the fox guard the hen house. them and the vast number of gvt employees or "civil servants" (haha) are eating from the same trough... so why would they ever go against each other? the fact that we pay them means nothing.... they have their enforcers (that we pay) to keep us cowed. it's a vicious cycle. and we're like milked and bled cattle..

i have been busy calling my Republican lawmakers this year about bills that they FOR that are just plain Un constitutional. like this National ID that userps state's rights. but try and say that here - on a supposed Republican sight - and you will find that true conservatives are indeed the small minority. i am starting to think our party has been infiltrated by the enemy (socialist). i jest not.

here is an excellent site that you should go check out if you haven't already:
http://www.judicialaccountability.org/

I don't need, nor want, your sympathy, Beckett. I also don't want anyone else's sympathy. If you don't stand for justice on that high horse of yours and understand, yourself, the injustice and actual *victimhood* being imposed on parents (mostly Fathers) and children around this country by the incomprehensibly cruel family justice money-making machine while all the while our politicians and people like you pay lip service to 'family values' then you are not so righteous as you might imagine in the privacy and self-grandeur of your own thoughts.

Forgive me for totally disregarding your weak use of 'nonsenically'. Did I not speak about a personal and individual unjust tragedy of my own? Did I not speak about the other parents and children who are having this same tragedy unjustly visited upon them? Did I not make reference the the ostensible freedoms this country was founded upon and how they've been abrogated entirely in the family courts? You've got to read between the lines, my educated patriotic friend (or at least co-citizen).

The full picture is at www.nhfamilylawreform.org (which I referenced as well, even if 'nonsensically') if you care to look (which I suspect you don't). For yours is much more likely a quarter based upon blind loyalty to those who would treat your fellow citizens (and children) cruely and unjustly, as opposed to a quarter based on the foundation and principle of equal justice as protected (supposedly) by the 14th amendment. You're inability to make sense of what I relayed is either a measure of your conscious desire to disagree with anyone who should choose to indict your beloved and blind loyalty or instead a lack of understanding based on a lack of education with respect to the issue.

You shouldn't be so insulting and so ignorant of the issue of the same time. It is very unbecoming... Particularly of a true patriot like yourself...

I'm doing plenty about it, Jim. Have you visited nhfamilylawreform.org to see? How about you, are you doing anything to help fix this backward system on behalf of the country's children and disenfranchised parents?

Don't preach if you're not prepared to do what it takes to get into the pulpit. I'm busting my backside and have dedicated the last two months of my life, literally, financially, logistically, and emotionally trying to fix the problems. You, apparently, couldn't even educate yourself enough to REALIZE that much. Geez. And you want to call me out to 'do something about it'?

Part of what I'm doing is to let all of you true patriots out there that while you're busy worrying about extending American values all over the world, those values when it comes to families and justice (I can hardly think of two more important foundational societal components) are as bad or worse than the third world. Would you spread disease purposefully to a friend? Well, that's what you're advocating on a global scale. The cancer within is eating away at the heart of this country and you guys with 'European 9/11 syndrome' can't even smell it right in front of you. Worse yet, you deny it when you're told, and don't even bother to get educated before jumping up on your soapbox. If you've got sons or plan on having them why don't you do them a favor and listen to some of your own preaching so as to help prevent them from becoming statistics. If you don't try to help them by chiming in to fix this debacle then don't worry, I'll be working hard on their behalf. To the exclusion of every other national issue...

And you couldn't be more wrong about trying to disassociate what happened to me, and what happens to hundreds of thousands or even millions of others against their will when they're separated from their childen by the federal and state justice systems. Saying there is no relationship between the operation of the family courts' injustices and the USA as a country could not be more inaccurate. I wonder if you call a banana an apple and convince anyone...? Educate yourself about the problem or butt out. I'm sick and tired of ignorant (look up the word if you take it too offensively) people trying to tell how it *really* is after a half-minute of contemplation. You don't know the half of it, pal. And your country is going down the tubes right under your nose.

Kick your soapbox under the bed. It's of little use to you on this topic until you actually pay some attention...

Your first sentence analogy was piss-poor too, and makes zero sense. A reasonable example would have been getting beaten up by a cop and then calling the newspapers to disclose the beating for the rest of society to hear.

You clearly have no clue...

Flag stashed.
Marc

I am only condescending to those who have used that attitude first, and are uneducated about the issue to boot.

I can only shake my head reading where you wrote that I'm 'acting like [I'm] the only one in the world with a horrid marriage/custody battle'... I don't believe I acted like that at all. I told my story, otherwise people [like you, likely] would say that I gave no evidence. I'm disgusted on behalf of all of those who have been wrong through this injustice.

People, like yourself, try to twist it into a personal vendetta even though it isn't to avoid paying attention to the bigger issue. Shame on YOU for not getting educated to the point where you understand the reality and the huge scope of the problem.

There are many honorable men and women putting their lives on the line, that's true. And many of them are returning home now to face the injustice of family courts the moment they step back on U.S. soil. Some heroes welcome, huh: http://glennsacks.com/the_betrayal_of.htm

Shame on YOU for not speaking up more about this family law problem that is undermining our entire society. No matter how many times you try to tell all who'll listen that it's just ME complaining, I will repeat (are you listening?) this is a backward and destructive policy around the country that is creating fatherless and dysfunctional children everywhere. GET IT?

Send me a mailing address. You can have my flag...

I got screwed by my ex-wife because she is enabled by the family law system through the unequal application of justice and the abrogation of parental protections supposedly provided by the 14th amendment. People like her would not be able to do this if family law justice was equal. I repeat that I am one of the fortunate ones who has made it through largely intact with good continued access to my daughter. Many have not, and only get to see their kids a few days a month! Some don't get to see them at all after fighting the injustice and then being labeled as angry and having their parenting rights severed. Democrat Shmemocrat. Republican Fublican. They're all evasive and shun the problem due to the massive $$$ involved and a lack of moral courage. The right is little better than the left. Only the furthest right get it to any measurable degree. You 'would think I'd become a family law activist'?????? Hahahahahha... Thanks for the laugh. So, you're another one who can't even take the time to read the original post and recognize that I am. Not only can't you get educated as to the reality of the issue... But, you'll even call me out to do something about it even as I am one of (if not) the primary grass-roots activists in New Hampshire. Your opinion is valueless until you start paying attention. Respect for one's comments and character is earned, not granted merely because you have a username and can post comments, Deb. You have *earned* no respect here. It is you who needs to snap out of it. Your lack of perspective is very clear. Channel any offense you might take at my response toward the future goal of knowing about what speak before you open your mouth (or tap away on your keyboard)...

I'm not going to post every disgraceful story, but this one had to be in this comment thread. If you cared, you'd do a google search and find more stories than you have time to read in your lifetime. Wave your flag for this, why don't you? And it is not as rare as you'll likely claim. It is everywhere and it is your vaunted US of A. ______________________________ This was sent to the Matt Murphy radio show. Mr. Murphy has declared war on the Alabama Dept. of Human Resources. This is a premium example of the horrific, fascist treatment of our children in Alabama From: "James Stagliano" To: matt@murphyshow.com Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2005 03:22:05 +0000 Subject: [ALCFC] DHR/Child abuse story Mr. Murphy, From the ALCFC discussion group, I understand that you are looking for DHR horror stories. There are more actors than just DHR in the story I am about to tell, but their needed for completeness. On May 6, 1998 my three year old son was the victim of a horrific attack. He was beaten and shaken by his mother. I cannot describe the my feelings when I rushed into the ER and saw my boy covered in bruises writhing in seizure. A set of four bruises were very disturbing, they appeared to form a handprint on my son’s face. A major portion of my son’s brain was removed to save his life. Still, we were told he would not survive, but he did survive. When my son was released from the hospital, DHR authorized his release to his mother. When asked why DHR allowed my son to be placed with his mother, the response was “because she asked”. So, in this state, it appears that if the abuser ASKS that the child be placed with her, it will happen. Well, a week after refusing the mother’s request to obstruct the investigation, I was hit with supervised visitations, supervised by the mother at her convenience. The mother claimed that since I was not from Enterprise, Alabama I would take the child and run. When we went to court, the judge rolled his eyes when I stated explicitly that my son’s injuries were due to abuse and the mother was THE primary suspect. Fourteen months after the final hearing, the judge ruled. He identified the mother as the perpetrator of the abuse, yet STILL GAVE HER CUSTODY. I received “standard” visitation, for the first time unsupervised. My son has suffered numerous injuries, broken bones, finger bruising, etc. The mother historically has pointed the finger at the school. A hemiplegic child has a broken arm and a broken leg within 8 weeks time. Both cases, the mother states it happened at school. In both cases, DHR responds with, “if the mother says he broke it at school, there is no need for an investigation.” There have been numerous times the child has had finger bruises on arms, legs, chest, shoulders, and face. The one time DHR responded to complaint (filed through the police department), they concluded that my son’s bruises were due to his sitting on blocks. How anyone can obtain bruises on the top of one’s shoulder by sitting on blocks is beyond me. The county director of DHR as well as the CPS supervisor have told me repeatedly that “it is not DHR’s job to protect children, it is the father’s job.” I have taken the mother to court for custody because she was NOT following the physician or therapist treatment instructions, canceling many, many appointments, etc. In court she admitted to not following the treatment instructions, stated her intention that she will never follow the physician or therapist instructions. To quote, “I will only do what I think is important”. The result, the judge stated that proper medical care is not important to my son’s well-being, however I am ordered to make sure he gets appropriate care when he is with me (he does and he will, it is just the obvious inconsistency in the orders). I have concluded that it is the official state policy to maximize the abuse. In this way the cycle of violence is continued if it already existed or initiated if it did not. The cycle will grow exponentially and under the current US laws, the state will receive more money. However, the long term social problems will be devastating. I think county directors need to be removed. There needs to be accountability. The caseworkers and their supervisors held accountable. If accountability was applied at the county level, I think THEN there would be changes. I recommend that you read the speech by Canadian Senator Anne Cools from 1996. From the detailed history she describes, you will learn nothing has changed in more than a hundred years. I have attached her speech in text format. To end, my son’s (and daughter’s) ordeal is not over. Their mother has moved 300 miles away (yes, even with the Child-Parent Relationship Protection Law, the court allowed the move). My son has gotten better over the years, not as far as he could have. He can walk with assistance, but at close to 150 pounds, that assistance is becoming more and more difficult. Toilet use is spotty. Mentally, emotionally he is still a 3 year old. Sadly, everyday I expect to receive that final phone call. Dr. James J. Stagliano, Jr. Alabama Coalition for Fathers and Children 3325 Lorna Road Suite 2-106 Birmingham, Alabama 35216 www.alcfc.com 205-663-9984

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