Epiphany of a Patriot

I used to be a patriot. I still remember driving to work in a surreal fog on the morning of 9/11, awash in the emotion and pain of my recent separation from my ex-wife, ex step-daughter, and daughter. I was aghast when I heard the radio broadcast relaying that a plane had hit the WTC, and then further shocked still when the second impact was reported. I would alternate between extreme sadness for the victims and rage toward the perpetrators in the days that followed those heinous events, though the pain I felt I was sharing with the American community as a whole somehow seemed to offset in some measure the personal despair I was experiencing as the breakdown of my family and my life overtook most every fiber of my being. I had moved out of the family home less than two weeks earlier after my daughter's mother demanded a divorce and was already badly missing my little girl.

In the weeks following 9/11 American flags were very hard to come by. I gave up searching and instead printed an 8.5" x 11" full color flag I had located on the internet. I taped that flag in the rear window of my truck with heartfelt pride just days after 9/11 and there it had been, stoically, proudly, ever since. There were more than a couple of occasions in the weeks and months of aftermath when I found myself breaking down into sobbing tears as I drove down the road and deeply contemplated the orphaned children, dead parents, and countless scores of lives affected by that savage terrorist-inflicted tragedy. I would often play Lee Greenwood's 'Proud to be an American' and well up with pride as I cried tears of righteous nationalism for the victims of the tragedy and the violated values of American morality and freedom. I wrote letters to the President urging him not to listen to the naysayers and in support of his foreign policy decisions. Historically I've been a news junkie and scholar of world events, even obsessively, over the years and I was riveted by the intensity of American nationalism, the prospective clash of civilizations, the international proliferation of ever-more-devastating weapons, and a variety of other compelling and newsworthy issues that brought to the surface my inner feelings of patriotism. After all, this country, our America, was certainly the bastion of light in a darkening world, poised to lead the civilized and free across the globe in the pursuit of the worldwide dissemination of democracy alongside our superior morality, ethicality, and lofty values. I was a true patriot.

As the months and years passed I would discuss, debate, and even argue long and hard with family members, friends, acquaintances, and anyone who would engage me about national security, global warming, radical Islam, China's economic growth and threat to Taiwan, Russian nuclear assistance to Iran, and the European/American steel rift. I would pontificate at length about our need to seal the country's borders, support the Patriot Act, consider pre-emptive action overseas, and repeal the death tax. I would weigh into local radio talk shows to voice my view on how American military action was too politicized and wasn't being conducted in accordance with the most important principles of troop protection. I would bristle over the stories on corruption at the United Nations and how the security council and member states had undermined the U.S. in the runup to the Iraq invasion. I watched the Presidential debates with fervor and conviction, though I considered myself neither a Republican nor a Democrat. I'd make note on an almost daily basis as to the status of the legislative battle over judicial nominees, allegations of Executive Branch corruption as they related to Halliburton, and the Democratic assertions that the judiciary was being hijacked by John Ashcroft's religious values on behalf of the right wing of the country. I would ponder the Republican charges of purposeful congressional paralysis by the Democrats, the debate over oil drilling at ANWAR, and the California fiscal crisis. The global migration of the American labor force and associated adverse implications on the U.S. economy would cause me much consternation and I would spend significant amounts of time researching, considering, and engaging in discourse over the potential ramifications of the outsourcing of America. There were a plethora of issues I would pay close attention to, study, and attempt to work through in the privacy of my own thoughts as well as in the company of others who expressed concern about such issues. I was a true patriot.

All the while, in the years subsequent to my divorce and unwanted separation from my daughter, I was being dragged through the family law system in the state of NH. I don't bring up NH in particular because it has any significance other than being mine and my daughter's state of residence. I ended up spending over thirty thousand dollars in litigation and GAL expenses trying to stay an integral part of my daughter's life, even as her mother was doing everything within her power to keep us apart (and continues to engage in an attempt to alienate my daughter from me to this day). Though I am one of the fortunate non-custodial parents in the United States who had the means to fight for access to my daughter, for both of our sakes, I still had many days where I felt perilously close to the emotional breaking point as my daughter's mother and her immoral and unethical attorney used the court system against me wherever and whenever possible. I was then, and am now, being bled dry to the tune of over 25% of my income (after taxes), such that I am unable to save money for my daughter's college. And this is true despite the fact that I essentially left my ex-wife and her stepdaughter, who had nothing to their names when I met them 6 years prior to the divorce, financially set for life. I was fortunate enough to hit it big during the high tech boom of the late 90s and provided them with a fully furnished half million dollar home and no mortgage, luxury SUV and no car payment, fifty thousand dollars in the bank, and not a penny of debt. My child support now goes toward helping pay for trips to France and Mexico and ski vacations for my daughter's mother and her new husband (husband #3), while my 8 year old daughter reports having to pay for her 3rd grade backpack with her birthday money. The NH courts refused to grant me a penny of offset for the afterschool program I have my daughter enrolled in on the days she is with me, nor for any of her clothes or other necessities at our home together, or toward any expenses whatsoever incurred at our home for utilities or anything else. If you are a non-custodial parent you obviously understand the situation and need no further information as you are likely living in a similar state of disbelief at how you have been treated by the blind scales of American family justice.

Point is that with all of the pain I have come to realize has been, and is being, inflicted on parents and children around this country under the guise of 'family law' I suddenly decided, during an epiphany last week, that perhaps my patriotism has been misplaced. Yes.... Yes, it has. What of the high moral ground we stand for as Americans? What of the better lives we have planned for the children and families of other 'uncivilized' countries around the world? Hmmmm... I haven't had the opportunity to pay much attention to the world or national news over the last two months as I've been focused, obsessively, instead on doing everything I can to support the effort toward family law reform in New Hampshire. I've found during that effort that there are scores of individuals who claim to represent the always politically correct, but always amorphous, 'best interests of the children'. These people are mostly attorneys and other divorce industry insiders, but there are also child advocates, feminists, and others who directly advocate the continued abrogation of equal parenting rights through opposition to equal parenting protections for fit parents. These people seem to think, in their wisdom, that Judges and Attorneys and GALs (usually another word for Attorneys) are better suited (while getting paid handsomely) over the course of hours to decide what is best for American children than those children's fit parents are, even in those cases of no-fault divorce (or no-fault separation outside of marriage) where one of the parents is forced unwillingly into a dissolution of the family unit. And this parent who is forced unwillingly into said family dissolution is overwhelmingly the one who these Judges, Attorneys, and GALs decide shouldn't get to be equal parents to their children... Hmmmm... Try as I might to ponder the thoughts and rationale of such intelligent, educated, and self-righteous people I am truly at a loss to come to grips with their direct contribution to the destruction of the American family through emphatic support of the status quo, its massive incentivization of divorce, and the associated uneven hand dealt non-custodial parents (usually Fathers) by American family courts. Heck, who can make sense of what our family law system does to our military heros as they return from the overseas battle for freedom only to be met by stolen children, outlandish support arrearages, and nowhere near the justice and freedom they've been taught they're risking their lives for overseas...?

Yes, I have had a sobering and heartfelt epiphany. Last week, after three and a half years, I took down that American flag in the back window of my pickup and boxed it up. I won't be cuing up Lee Greenwood again any time soon (and will change the station if he comes on the radio), and I don't much care about Iran's nuclear ambitions, Syria's support of Iraqi insurgents, China's pinning the Yuan to the dollar, or France's bad attitude. The Democrats and Republicans can duke it out on CSPAN or FOX or CNN or wherever and I've little concern. American labor exodus....? Social Security reform...? The one and a half billion dollars slated for the preservation of marriage (forgive me if I don't chuckle)...? Gay marriage...? Who cares... Not this non-custodial parent. For I have seen the light. Until family law policy and the associated devastation of the lives of children, parents, and families in the United States is reconciled, there is no high moral ground. And I shan't pretend there is. The soapbox of lofty American values is a weak mirage and nothing more. I can't speak for every NCP, but this one no longer has a dog in this fight...

I don't read his beliefs that way at all, particularly the Socio-Democratic mindset. Government which governs best is that which governs least. One of the very basic bulwarks of our system of government is that all who go before the law for judgement are treated, individually, as equals. No special treatment is to be afforded to individuals, nor special punishment is to be meted out to individuals, based upon the gender class to which that individual belongs.

He's not asking for special treatment, he's asking that our government stand up, at home, for the very basic tenets that it is professing to stand-up for throughout the world. What he seems to be saying is "Stand up and protect the rights of our own citizens in our own backyard before treking the world to afford these rights to strangers in strange lands".

If you want to look at Socialism in practice then take a hard look at the family court system. It is government intrusion into the family - it drives the philosophy of "It takes a villiage" to the extreme (government, not you, knows best for your children). It redistributes wealth. It rewards the unproductive at the expense of the productive.

The family court system is designed and tailored to benefit lawyers. By maximizing conflict between parents it maximizes billable hours. Granting equal access to the children in such situations would greatly reduce this conflict. And why do the bar associations oppose 50/50 parental access plans? Because it would cut into the profits of what is a cash cow for the legal profession. Family court is very much an industry - one that thrives on the misery it can induce in those going through it.

you'll change your mind when you find yourself in court again facing one of these "public servants" who's word/opinion is taken as gospel - evidence be damned. who do you think His Honor Judge Blackrobe will agree with - little ol you or Mz Social worker? hope that doesn't happen to you, but it happens every day to parents in courts in this country.

Wrong. I have come face to face with the GAL and understand perfectly, firsthand, the implications of having an attorney by a different name ostensibly speaking in the best interests of my child. A social worker is little different, in my view. You've attributed to me, however, a position that I never took. Please don't put words in my mouth. I know it happens every day in this country, and that is exactly why the presumption of equal parenting is key. It sounds like we are largely on the same side of the issue.

I know Judge Blackrobe well and don't understand how you came to the conclusion I advocate what you're claiming I do. The presumption of equality for fit parents is key... To children, to the family, and to society at large... When equality rules for parents and children, the other issues can be more effectively tackled. Stopping ex-parte hearings without notification of the accused is also a big step that is being considered, legislatively, in NH right now. Talk about violation of equal protection... Unbelievable...

i came to that conclusion because you yourself stated you advocated more monies be spent on these socialist programs.

all the rest of your last reply was off topic to what i was addressing - these socialist programs. i agree with equal parenting. i agree the lawyers cause friction to make more money. i also believe the actual well-being of the child is of no concern to the legal/social worker fraternity. it's nothing but a scam to make bucks for them and keep the bread winners beat down and obedient.

I never advocated any such thing. What I wrote is 'Invest in...' implying a continuance of investment in programs that are currently being invested in today, in lieu of the proposed new spending to market the current broken institution of Marriage as a beneficial financial vehicle. You said 'more monies...'. I did not.

Glad we agree on equal parenting.

well, "to continue to invest in" usually means "more monies" if you wanna nit-pick.

either way - any monies in socialist programs are counter to a Free Country such as a Republic. it makes us a socialist country. taking from the productive and re-destributing the wealth is the first tenent in socialism.

Don't care. Been ignored by better than the likes of you, frankly, in state government, federal government, and the child welfare industry.

Oh. So THAT's why you posted your miserable story of injustice, so you could be IGNORED. We weren't supposed to actually disagree or offer opinions or even helpful advice. Just supposed to read it, agree that no one is as 'patriotic' as you, and then shut the hell up, right?

Keep fighting the good fight, Marc. It might help if you changed your communication style though. A bit less condescension would get you off to a good start and hey, you might even get some support!

Forgive me for getting crass when all these know-it-alls indict me for complaining vociferously on this topic. Again, they don't get it because it hasn't happened to them. It's the exact same reason most of the rest of the world doesn't get 9/11.

I appreciate your constructive feedback. I must tell you, though, that if people don't support this cause for the underlying issues and the sake of our children, families, and country as a whole there isn't likely to be a lot more ground gained through a politically correct delivery.

I believe, in fact, to the contrary, that a sense of disgust is necessary when presenting the issue after it has been ignored and shunned for so long...

LOL again. Petulant I may be, in your view. Self-pity I have very little of. So, there you're wrong. The next generation of poor SOBs and their children who will surely feel the same wrath require that this battle be fought, even when they themselves don't recognize at this moment the family justice fate that awaits them.

The very ordinariness of my predicament is exactly why you are mad for discounting the pervasive travesty of justice at hand. A true patriot would recognize the danger to his beloved society. You clearly do not...

I don't much care about your insulting quips. Self-grandiosity is surely yours, isn't it? This whole country will pay, by the way (and is right now, though you are likely too short-sighted and narrow of focus to recognize it)... That is apparently the one thing we agree upon. Oh wait, your tongue was in cheek yet again and you were insulting... Sorry about that. I guess we don't agree on anything at all...

Thanks so much as you battle for my freedoms, wise one...

I do hope you are able to overcome the difficulties and judicial roadblocks in your personal situation, Marc. I also agree with you about the need for attention about families and child custody issues. I can also understand how it would seem unpatriotic to you that everyone cares about safety from terrorism because thousands of people can die at one time while you (and others who are victims of family law injustice) die a little each day and no one seems to care. However, I don't think it's good to ask people to follow your ideas for change while essentially calling them lesser-thans.

Sarcasm is effective, to a point, but not when it's extreme and bitter. That is how you came across in your initial post. Only when you replied in a more 'gracious' manner did I understand where you're coming from.

You may not like it, but I'm going to pray for you and your daughter.

good luck Marc.
it's my sad belief that Republicans won't be standing up for Judical tyrany (or any other tyrany) until a Democrat is in office again. they seem to think we can bask in some percieved "utopia" and not watch and check in law makers nor the law intepreters. for proof check out the "vote" on the side bar. apathetic and sad....

Thanks for the critique and the comments. My personal situation is stable, frankly. It's been several years now and my daughter and I have found a relative equilibrium. As I said, I am one of the fortunate ones who had the means to fight for access to her...

It's very sad, actually (not pointing directly at you when I say this), how people almost invariably jump to the conclusion it's solely my personal situation and the trials and tribulations of myself and my daughter that drives my position. That is not accurate. This giant mess is undermining our entire country and indeed our very civilization. It's also a devastating tragedy for the individuals (parents and children) who get rung as new statistics every day. It is both a local and national issue. It is both an individual and a societal problem, as well.

Those who jump to conclusions and label me immediately and thoughtlessly as an angry malcontent bent on revenge are just more of the same who have discarded this issue for decades because it didn't seem to affect them directly. A *true* patriot, and humanitarian, would care. The critical mass of supporters for national reform is coming. Those who dismiss or poopoo changes, though, or choose not to get educated before rendering an opinion based on ignorance shouldn't be so proud of their vaunted patriotism. I liken it to selling a beat up old street watch as a collector's Rolex...

By the way, you have misread and mistakenly overstated the sarcasm I intended in my original post. I assure you (and I know because I wrote it), I really wasn't joking...

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