The 2004 Apologists for Palestinian Terrorism Awards

The stage is already set for the biggest event of the year in the terrorism apologist's calendar.

"The 2004 Apologist for Palestinian Terrorism Award Ceremony" is about to get underway for the 4th year running, coinciding with the four year of Intifada (uprising).

The apologists have been arriving in droves, to an undisclosed (to avoid the unwelcome presence of any Zionist supporters) American University Campus. Rutgers was reported to have turned down the event.

Politics are well represented with the attendance of Britain's Foreign Minister Jack Straw. He was quoted as calling the event "justified". Mr. Straw, always a favourite among the apologists is especially extolled for his heartfelt comments after Israel's assassination of Hamas leaders, Sheik Yassin and Rantissi. He has in fact been selected to hand tonight's winner a garland of Red & Gold Chrysanthemums.

Former President of the United States, Jimmy Carter, has as usual a prominent seat in the front row. This delusional peanut farmer will be fondly remembered for his wonderful comments at "The Geneva Initiative Conference". He was much appreciated for having the foresight to blame President Bush for favouring Israel and allowing "Palestinians to suffer".

Jacques Chirac somberly dressed and still numb from the death of Yasser Arafat arrived together with Nelson Mandela, dressed in one of his trademark brightly coloured shirt. Both of these apologists were hoping to pick up this years special prize, commissioned to mark the tragic passing of Yasser Arafat. A beautiful piece of glassware, designed in Sweden will be handed to the person, who the judges, in this instance from the International Court of Justice in The Hague felt made the best remark upon the tragic death of Yasser Arafat. Competition for this award is fierce, with both the Vatican and North Korea as hot contenders.

No Apologist event would be complete without a heavy sprinkling of both U.N. and E.U. representatives. In fact this year sees the welcome appearance of two former winners of the coveted award. Mary Robinson needs no introduction for her heroic deeds at the 2001 Durban Conference on Human Rights. On the last day, this larger than life apologist declared the conference a success. She had in fact turned the event into a forum for expressing vile Anti-Semitism and Anti-Israel commentary, resulting in the withdrawal of both Israel and the United States from the conference.

Looking resplendent and prosperous in a new suit, crowds cheered the arrival of Arab Lackey and Chief Representative of the U.N. Kofi Annan. Many will remember Mr. Annan's wonderful speech last year, when he himself accepted the award as the 2003 winner. He brought more than a few tears to Saudi Arabian eyes when he declared this a glorious victory for apologists, not only in the UN, but around the world, who have for years supported the many U.N. resolutions against Israel. He did not forget to send a special thanks to all the U.N. ambassadors, who would often have to give up some of their free time when last minute sessions of the Security Council were needed to protect the poor Palestinians.

Chris Patten arrived looking cheerful from a recent vacation to the Bahamas. He was happy to reiterate on his findings into PA aid money being diverted for terrorism. He clearly stated that no evidence had to date been found and the Palestinians themselves had assured him that the very idea was preposterous.

A glittering array of stars has turned out. Vanessa Redgrave, often seen fawning herself at Yasser Arafat's feet has been revered time and time again. This fading British star, ever hopeful of being a winner herself was beaten into second place last year by Kofi Annan. She was however given a special mention for her 2003 visit to the Palestinian Authority. She was commended for using a press conference in Israel's capital city of Jerusalem to condemn the security barrier. Many will remember her amazing knowledge on walls, declaring Israel's even higher than the Berlin Wall.

New to the apologist circuit, Hollywood star Angelina Jolie was seen sitting with her dear friend Queen Noor of Jordan. The two pals were probably discussing the Arab Children's congress held in Amman, Jordan earlier in the year. This congress was simply the child's version of Durban. Ms. Jolie delighted the Queen by praising Jordan's policy of keeping its borders open and hosting the world's largest group of Palestinian refugees in the world. Jolie went on to claim she was a big supporter of Children's rights. Strangely enough she seemed totally unaware of the Palestinians appalling abuse of their children. Furthermore she seemed unable to make any connection to how this abuse affected the rights of Israel's children, many of them victims of this demonization process.

The Presbyterians were among the last to arrive. It seems that since they decided to divest from Israel they have all handed in their cell phones. These handy little items were developed in Israel and without them the Presbyterians had a little trouble coordinating their arrangements.

The BBC has sole rights to televising this glittering event. Their years of anti-Israel reporting have put them in the forefront for lifting the award this year, with strong competition from CNN and the Guardian Newspaper. The BBC's case is greatly strengthened by the appearance of Barbara Plett. This woman was applauded in apologist circles after her tearful performance outside Arafat's Ramallah compound. Barbara is reportedly putting a great strain on the BBC's makeup department as she tearfully recalls the moment they lifted the "frail old man" into the night sky.

No event of this magnitude would be complete without a glittering host and who more fitting than the queen apologist herself, Hanan Ashrawi. Cheers from the huge ISM contingent greet her appearance on the stage. The band strikes up for a rousing performance of Muhammad Dervish's Prisoner's songs, which is the anthem of Palestinian terrorists imprisoned in Israel. The performers are a talented selection of singers from both Hamas and Al Aksa martyrs brigade, with a Gaza scouts group, flown in to lend their unbroken little voices to the chorus.

Always popular with the apologist is the "Suicide Bomber of the year" award. Ms. Ashrawi is set to announce the winner, with several dozen mothers hoping to win the $100 prize money. The competition is fierce for this award, with many of the mothers bemoaning the fact that the Zionists wretched apartheid wall is having an adverse effect on their child's martyrdom aspirations. There has been strong criticism at every level against the wall with the majority of apologists strongly voicing their objections to it.

This year's big prizes for the 2004 Apologist winner are better than ever. They include, the much coveted and sought after "Yasser Arafat Silver Trophy" which will have this year's lucky winner's name engraved on it.

The Body Shop has generously donated a huge basket of their wonderful products, guaranteed to make this year's apologist feel pampered from head to toe. These will include some very useful and well thought out items including their peppermint foot embalming ointment and what every winner needs to counter the effects of spending so much time apologizing for Palestinian terrorism, The Body Shops prickly pear and guava lip balm.

Suha Arafat is offering this year's winner a brand new Hermes silk scarf from Paris, said to be worth $100 and in a choice of lovely colours.

A framed portrait of Yasser Arafat will also be presented. This year's portrait is especially poignant with a very special touch added on the back. One very lucky little Palestinian kindergarten child in Gaza was chosen to add a red hand painted print to the back of the portrait.

Kofi Annan has very generously offered this year's winner the chance to sit in on the U.N. assembly every time they pass a resolution against Israel. He jokingly says you need to be on call almost day and night for that.

Tragically more than 1000 dead Israelis may still have been alive today, had even one of these pathetic apologists ever looked beyond all the vile Palestinian Propaganda. These apologists have for years glorified horrendous acts of terrorism. Had they not allowed themselves to be duped by distorted terms like occupation, freedom fighters, cycle of violence or armed resistance maybe thousands of Israelis would not be facing years of both physical and emotional therapy. Maybe these Palestinian mothers, who show themselves beneath the animal kingdom, with so little protective instincts towards their own children, would be at home right now looking forward to their children's bright future, instead of glorifying their death.

Hanan Ashrawi is in fact about to apologize to the apologists, but don’t hold your breath, the only thing she is about to apologize for is the delay in announcing this years winner of;

AFP and Reuters will be heartbroken.

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