Posted on 03/12/2024 2:24:56 PM PDT by Navy Patriot
EL PASO, TX — After hearing about the size of the average American, Haitian cannibal gangs rushed the southern border near El Paso this week in a race to be first in line for the smorgasbord.
"Hey man, look at dat," Haitian cannibal and political leader Barbecue said. "Those are some chunky, chubby, rolly polly people coming at me. Hang on, let me grab my bib and steak knives. It's lunchtime!"
After reports surfaced of Haitian gang members cannibalizing their victims, coup leader Barbecue announced he would be taking his men across the U.S. border to find a more plentiful source of food. With a nearly 30 percent overall obesity rate among adults, experts believe the U.S. is poised to be a prime destination for those wishing to dine on human flesh.
"We've seen a sharp rise in adult BMI rates over the past few years," CDC Spokeswoman Sheila Jameson told reporters. "This would explain the sudden influx of Haitian cannibal gangs pouring over our southern border in search of better sources of food."
As of publishing time, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had condemned Republicans for referring to the cannibalistic Haitian warlords as "illegals", asserting that these men are only crossing the border to find a better, more sustainable way to feed their growing craving for human meat.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
They work for Free Meals!
Jonesin’ for some Long Pig!
I read it twice....Laughed and looked...yup...the BEE stings again!!
ROTFL!!! And we’re all pizza feed!
American long pig is a the tastiest meat on planet Earth.
Not this time, Bee!
Didn’t fall for it.😊
And for every American killed and eaten, that’s another vote for Democrats.
Lean animals taste better.
If the cannibals went to fat folks first, they'd quickly reduce the lesbian-to-general-population ratio.
Senator Durbin tells us that solutions are staring us in the face. We can help Haitian amnesty seekers and address the American obesity epidemic at the same time.
The Haitians would snack on local missionaries first.
The Haitians would snack on local missionaries first.
Obviously.
“The Haitians would snack on local missionaries first.”
Did you hear about the cannibal who ate the Pentecostal missionary? Didn’t taste bad, but he kept throwing up his hands.
Its probably like veal. No work and lots of fat.
American, the other Wagyu!
Jerry Nadler needs to beef up security.
It’s the other white meat.
Why to Haitians hate comedians?
They taste funny.
It’s like I always said: if you gotta go cannibal, go cannibal early. That way you get the juicy ones.
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