Posted on 12/09/2021 3:23:44 AM PST by servo1969
So, um, some people did something, and now CNN's Primetime slot is empty! Oh no! While we are extremely sad to see the brilliant and legendary Chris Cuomo go, there are a ton of great candidates out there who would do a great job filling his shoes! Here are the top ten possible replacements for Chris Cuomo:
#1) Jussie Smollett: He has vast experience using fake news to gin up racial hatred. A perfect fit!
#2) Ghislaine Maxwell: For her skill in protecting serial sex predators.
#3) Luigi from Super Mario Brothers: The Primetime slot has been traditionally filled by a proud Italian-American. It should be given to another Italian.
#4) A bowl of fettuccine: Another Italian classic, albeit with a slightly higher I.Q.
#5) Brian Stelter: Because it's high time this position was filled by a woman.
#6) One of those recorded messages from the airport loudspeaker that tells everyone where to find the bathrooms and newsstands: Would still provide more useful information than your average CNN host.
#7) Kamala Harris: Since she's not currently doing anything.
#8) A Pfizer sales rep: Might as well hear your typical CNN news straight from the source for once!
#9) A female CNN intern: She could spend each night telling lurid stories of all the unspeakably gross stuff that happens at CNN every day! Guaranteed ratings boost!
10) Tucker Carlson: The universe would implode.
We can't wait to see what CNN has in store for us!
Now the Bee is doing real news!
He was pulling down 6 million bucks a year.....SMH
Mmmmmmm........why not Michele Obumma......she has a built in audience of 2-3 that’ll zoom the ratings.
John Malone Lauds Fox Wants CNN to Evolve ‘Back to Actual Journalism’
By Colby Hall, Mediaite
Nov 19th, 2021, 1:09 pm
John Malone appeared on CNBC’s Squawk Box Thursday morning and revealed that he is eager to see CNN return to “the kind of journalism that it started with, and actually have journalists.”
Malone isn’t some run-of-the-mill media baron either. He’s a member of the board of Discovery Inc., in addition to being the longtime chairman of Liberty Media, and a long-time cable news pioneer.
As the leading shareholder in Discovery and reportedly a chief architect in the merger of Discovery and CNN, his comments about the role that a news network would play in a future streaming world merit significant attention.
CNBC Anchor David Faber asked Malone if there is any place for news in a streaming network, admitting that he didn’t know if CNN would be a “value add or not” to the potentially merged media behemoth.
Malone replied in a self-effacing way, admitting that he could be “partially blamed for the creation of a lot of news networks,” including CNBC. It’s not clear why he feels like there needs to be any blame. He then answered a question clearly about his vision for how CNN will work in a merged company, by first lauding top-rated competitor, Fox News.
“Fox News, in my opinion, has followed an interesting trajectory of trying to have news news, I mean some actual journalism, embedded in a program schedule of all opinions,” Malone replied. “And I think they’ve been relatively successful with a service like Bret Baier, and Brit Hume before him, that try to distinguish news from opinion.”
“I would like to see CNN evolve back to the kind of journalism that it started with, and actually have journalists, which would be unique and refreshing,” he continued, which can only be viewed as a bad omen for the journalists currently under CNN’s employ.
“I do believe good journalism could have a role in this future portfolio that Discovery-TimeWarner’s going to represent,” he added after but is not included in the clip excerpted above.
In May of this year, news broke that telecom giant AT&T would be spinning off WarnerMedia assets it acquired in 2018. Turner Broadcasting properties and HBO were listed among the assets included in the deal, and the future of CNN and its CEO Jeff Zucker became rosier given his relationship with Discovery CEO David Zaslav.
Malone’s comments suggesting he wants CNN to become more like Fox News, however, cannot be an encouraging message for CNN’s current leadership.
“Malone’s comments suggesting he wants CNN to become more like Fox News...”
No he wants the ratings fox has that’s all its about. If he could get that with what he’s got now he’d be fine with it.
I’ve often said one of the worst things that ever happened to journalism and our country is the 24 hour news cycle.
Changed news reporting forever IMO and I don’t mean in a good way either.
The BabylonBee is always good.
IMHO, this ranks as one of their best!
Thanks for posting.
How about Jen Psaki. She’s not Italian, but I think she’s Greek. Close enough, right? And her spin would be the same as it is now.
There must be a Kennedy that wants the job. Time to Go Irish.
Maybe Robert’s ditzy daughter that keeps being sucked-up-to on Fox. What’s her name? Oh, well. She’s a Kennedy AND a ditz.
Ann Coulter to replace Cuomo. Candice Owens to replace Lemon. That will guarantee CNN high ratings.
I read here that John Malone bought CNN?
Is that right?
If so all current CNN jobs are at risk
Never thought I’d say this: how about RFK, Jr.?
Stelter... definitely Mr. Potato-head
The actor that played ‘Fredo Corleone!’ See if any CNN viewers get it, LOL!
I used to LOL whenever Rush would call them, ‘Mario the Pius’ or ‘Fredo.’
Too bad Rush isn’t here to enjoy this! :)
REALLY curious, though, as to WHO the Cuomo Brothers p*ssed off to this extent. This is Hillary!-style personal destruction, if you ask me.
I mean, BOTH Of them? At pretty much the same time?
Very interesting...
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