In before Ten!....................
Doctor’s Exam
A Muslim immigrant goes to a Doctor in Houston, Texas and says “I feel terrible”.
The Doctor examines him and then says “You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week,
throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head hold your face
over the bucket and inhale the vapors for 3 days”.
The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says “I feel wonderful!!
What was wrong with me?”
“You were homesick”.
Woohoo!!
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop.
He thinks that he is much smarter than any cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON,
and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop’s expense!
Irish cop says, “License and registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What for?”
Irish cop says, “Ye didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Irish cop says, “Ye still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration,
please, sir.”
London Lawyer says, “What’s the bloody difference?”
Irish cop says, “The difference is, the sign says stop, not slow down, so, ye have
come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,
I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket.
If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
Irish cop says, “Sounds fair enough, please exit your vehicle, sir.”
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the
lawyer and says, “Now, ye English arsehole, do ye want me to stop, completely, or just
slow down?”
Will I Live to see 80?
Here’s something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’
for my age. (I just turned “seventy- ish “).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him,
Do you think I’ll live to be 80?
He asked, Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
Oh no, I replied. I’m not doing drugs, either!
Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
I said, Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!
Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing,
hiking, or bicycling?
No, I don’t, I said.
He asked, Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?
No, I said.
He looked at me and said, Then, why do you even give a $h!t?
Q: In an apartment building in London, Ahmed lives on the first floor,
Mustafa on the second floor and Harry on the third floor.
The building explodes – who lives?
A: Harry of course – he was at work.
Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?
A: Jail
Q: Why aren’t there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there is a target on every corner.
Q: What is the most popular kids show in the Middle East?
A: Dora the Exploder!
Q: What do you call a Muslim stripper?
A: Youseen Memuff
Q: How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A: They mark the camels that kick.
Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?
A: Jail
BOOB IM ICON
Perfect Boobs (o)(o)
Fake Boobs ( + )( + )
Perky Boobs (*)(*)
Big Nipple Boobs (@)(@)
A Cups o o
Wonder Bra Boobs (oYo)
Lopsided Boobs (o)(O)
Grandma Boobs \ o /\ o /
Just Boobs BIDEN HARRIS
LOL !
Great opener.
Let the silliness commence!
With the “world series” being played I’m reminded of a baseball story my dad told me.
Back in the 30’s, my dad played in industrial league baseball. Lots of factories and companies in those days had what would be considered semi-pro teams by today’s standards. Many showed up for the week end games, It was a good moral and team building activity for the workers.
Dad told me about a pitcher that was feared by batters in the league. His fastball was truly fast, but he could be a bit wild. The pitcher’s name was Mel Famey. He could have gone to the bigs. But you never heard of him because, sadly, he also had a drinking problem. Mel could pitch like nobody’s business. However in big games, with lots yon the line, he’d sneak beers into the dugout and was known to have one or two between innings to settle his nerves.
In one such game that my dad played, Mel was getting more and more wild with his high heat as the game progressed.. The game, and league championship, was on the line. It was the bottom of the 9th, game tied, and Dad’s team was batting. A batter was hit and took first base. A second and third batter were walked on balls. The bases were loaded....and so was Mel! Unbeknownst to the team’s manager, Mel had a bottle in his flannel uniform and took one giant swig before pitching to my dad. Famey wound up, threw a blazing fast ball hitting my dad in the hip. The last beer drunk caused the winning run to walk in. Or as my dad described it, “it was that beer than made Mel Famey walk us”.
You’re all crazy! All of you?
A+Bert was correct - there was no peanut butter better than Jif. And he was NOT DRUNK when he wrote that.
And if you don’t like that - who will ever know? Hmm?
That’s why things are the way they are - a lack of consistency.
What a mess! Fix it now!!!