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Nation's Murderous Psychopaths Undecided On Whether They’ll Follow New Gun Laws (Satire)
Babylon Bee ^ | September 16, 2019 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/17/2019 2:09:40 PM PDT by gattaca

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats such as Beto O’Rourke have proposed a number of new gun laws, such as universal background checks, a ban on magazines that hold more than ten bullets, and possibly even a “mandatory buyback” of some weapons such as AR-15s. While these laws are likely to be a headache for law-abiding gun owners, the nation’s murderous psychopaths aren’t quite certain how the laws will affect them.

“The background check sounds concerning,” explained deranged murderer Steve Mason, known as “Murdering Steve” to his friends. “I would definitely fail it since I’m a well-known psychopath. But I’ve never actually purchased a gun through a gun-dealer; I just steal all my murder weapons. And so far no one has proposed a background check on theft, so I think I’m good.”

Jake Foster, who is planning a shooting spree, expressed similar concerns about the ban on “high-capacity” magazines. “Having to do a shooting spree and reloading after every tenth shot does sound irritating,” said Foster. “Despite the law, I might just use a high-capacity magazine anyway. I guess the question is whether I’m willing to deal with a possible fine on top of the multiple counts of murder.”

One law murderous psychopaths did seem excited about was the AR-15 buyback. “If they offer a lot of money for my AR-15, it could be pretty worthwhile,” said nutjob Craig McGee. “Then I can use that money to buy more guns just as lethal... but through the black market, of course. Gotta avoid those background checks.”


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: banglist; humor

1 posted on 09/17/2019 2:09:40 PM PDT by gattaca
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To: gattaca

great


2 posted on 09/17/2019 2:15:02 PM PDT by Mount Athos
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To: gattaca

The most potent weapon in the arsenal of humor is the truth.


3 posted on 09/17/2019 2:19:56 PM PDT by SpaceBar
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To: Mount Athos

Well they don’t follow the murder laws, why would they follow the gun laws.


4 posted on 09/17/2019 2:20:49 PM PDT by FewsOrange
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To: gattaca
"Despite the law, I might just use a high-capacity magazine anyway"

Not if they ban illegal high-capacity magazines. Touché. At least not until they decide to call them undocumented high-capacity magazines.
5 posted on 09/17/2019 2:21:06 PM PDT by Telepathic Intruder
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To: gattaca

Awesome. The absurd arguments of the left easily debunked using well-written satire. Panties will likely be in bunches.


6 posted on 09/17/2019 2:29:20 PM PDT by SunStar (Democrats piss me off!)
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To: gattaca

Of all the satire sites I know about, The Babylon Bee is the greatest.


7 posted on 09/17/2019 3:30:48 PM PDT by karnage
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To: gattaca

Love the pix that goes with this article, haha


8 posted on 09/17/2019 3:43:56 PM PDT by bboop (does not suffer fools gladly)
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To: gattaca

I’m always whining at you about throwing the satire tag on the Bee.

This one is O.K. LOL!

Love the Bee.

Thanks for the post. Appreciated.


9 posted on 09/17/2019 4:38:23 PM PDT by lizma2
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To: gattaca
One law murderous psychopaths did seem excited about was the AR-15 buyback. “If they offer a lot of money for my AR-15, it could be pretty worthwhile,”

A massive gun "buyback" would be very interesting to thieves and that's not a joke. Of course they would have to go about stealing guns with a little more caution than stealing TVs and such.

10 posted on 09/17/2019 4:46:49 PM PDT by TigersEye (This is the age of the death of reason.)
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To: gattaca

Snopes says this is false.


11 posted on 09/17/2019 4:47:19 PM PDT by suthener
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To: gattaca

The Bee stings.


12 posted on 09/17/2019 5:57:48 PM PDT by YogicCowboy ("I am not entirely on anyone's side, because no one is entirely on mine." - J. R. R. Tolkien)
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To: gattaca

The Babylon Bee has become required reading for anyone who wants to understand the news these days. Certainly far above the NY Slimes when it comes to truth telling.


13 posted on 09/17/2019 7:07:41 PM PDT by Some Fat Guy in L.A. (Still bitterly clinging to rational thought despite it's unfashionability)
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