Posted on 03/29/2018 10:43:25 PM PDT by wheresmyusa
I know this might turn into an uncomfortable thread. First off, i'm in my mid-40's. I don't even really know why i'm posting this. However, i have this "pull" to construct my final resting accommodations. OK, let me flash forward a little bit...
I loved my grandfather dearly. He was a man of very few words, and a lot of hard work; he was a sharecropper. I was always in awe of him. When i was a very young man, 7-ish, he started to teach me woodworking. He taught me; he made things with his hands with me. He showed me the beauty of crafting.
Now, i am not old, but i'm halfway there if i'm lucky. I remember how crushed i was that his tools (and they were all hand tools) had just gone and faded away, and became lost somehow. Just one would satisfy me.
And then it hit me.
Why should i buy a box for myself when i can make it myself. I can do this better than anyone else. He taught me.
Flash-forward. (Before my epiphany...)
I had a conversation with my father...who i obviously love dearly. I had a moment where i was absolutely truthful. I told him, if i knew the end was coming, that i would buy a vessel and sail it into the biggest storm i could plan for; Lt. Dan style.
Want to think about me? The ocean is the best gravestone, and one needs to only go there to be with me.
My fathers reaction was excoriating. He blasted me so hard for my selfishness. How dare i, in all of my ego; deprive those who loved me a place to grieve. That was striking.
I began to think on the subject. Who better than i, to have a say in what fashion i'll be laid to rest? Why not take what i've been given, and put it all to good use? I'm not a woodworker or carpenter; but i have the skills.
Is it a morbid concept, in your opinion, to build your own box?
Maybe they'll think about the woodwork, and not so much about everything else. I honestly have no clue how to go down this road. I have to say, i'd rather build it myself. What do you say?
~W
I helped my aunt build hers out of white kiln dried pine.
I know an old rancher who made one from an old barn on his place. He hasn’t used it yet.
Me, I’m donating my carcass to Southwestern Med School. They cremate for free. Then I go to the compost pile.
Do you think your choice will affect your loved ones? Obviously it doesn’t seem so in the long term...but what about short term?
~W
Reconciling the inevitability of death is one of the more spiritually difficult tasks a person can take on, but it is also vital for inner peace. Living in mortal fear of death is no way to go through life.
So if this is what satisfies you, then I say go for it with gusto. If those who survive you want to memoralize and pay respect, having your corpse on hand is not a requirement.
I don’t find it morbid or anything like that. Problem is that you’ve got to store it somewhere until it’s needed. I’m surprised IKEA hasn’t come out with an assemble it yourself coffin yet (have they?)...
I think I remember seeing somewhere where you can help save the earth by buying a biodegradable coffin made from recycled cardboard.
Everything you posted is why i struggle with this particular event. I honestly don’t fear anything for myself; but i cringe at the pain it might cause on my loved ones. I guess i’m taking a wild stab at misdirection?
~W
Yeah i’m not going the “earth friendly” route. Call me selfish, but i think i get SOME say in how it all goes down.
(The earth isn’t going to give a damn about me.)
;)
~W
I guess the next questions would be:
- Have you discussed your plans with your loved ones?
- If so, have any of them objected?
- If so, what were the objections?
Thank you for your reply. 45 years; that is something i could only hope to achieve.
And i’m pretty sure my wife doesn’t anticipate it going that long. X)
My MIL passed 2 years ago. It’s devastated her. I just don’t want that for anyone i’ve loved. I know i can’t, but i feel like i need to find a way to...make it easier? That looks so stupid printed out.
~W
I plan to be cremated. I don’t care what they do with the ashes. I was mailed a vase of ashes when my dad died, five years later, I have never opened that box. I have no inclination to either. For my own death, I would like some sort of headstone, that the remaining family could visit if they wished to.
When my mother died back in Michigan, I used to wish I could find an open piece of land out here in California, and simply plant a low maintenance, fast growing tree in her memory. That would be enough for me. I could stop at the tree and say a prayer once in a while. Still have not found the right place that is affordable.
Burial plots can be very expensive. Some think we are running out of room to continue the traditional way. There are more people on earth than anytime in known history. It’s not a surprise when housing needs or highway needs clash with the requirements of an established burial site. Not far from me is a place called
Daly City, a few miles from Hayward, California. In Daly City, there are scores of manicured acres of land that cannot be built upon. Meanwhile, we keep taking in more immigrants from outside the state.
If you want to craft your own coffin, go for it. Such a deed may serve to keep your spirit at peace once you have crossed over. Stop worrying about everyone agreeing with you on this. Which means you may want to just stop discussing it with certain people. I have discovered, the more hard headed (bossy) people are about the proper way to show respect for the dead, that usually means they are very uncomfortable with the topic and wish to end that sort of conversation as quickly as possible.
“Have you discussed your plans with your loved ones?”
No. Again, the morbidity; but i’ve kept this to myself so far.
Ironic, that i can come to all of you but not those who will actually miss me. Safer, i guess.
~W
Don’t hammer the last nail.
I think that building your own casket will give your loved ones a tangible symbol showing them that you don’t fear death and that it will be a source of comfort to them.
Thank you for the reply. The more i think about it, the more i want to do it.
I’m fairly positive i’ll find an acceptable space to dig a hole. (It’s for the children, or whatever.) ;)
~W
Thank you. That’s the only reason i forsee going this route for those i love, given the fact that i’ve been notified my first reaction was one of a selfish a**wipe.
XD
~W
Deep.
~W
May need to research it a little bit.
The coffin is likely the lessor cost expense. Before being planted in the ground, lots of design has to be completed and inspected, permitted, and documented.
The box has to be water tight and not leak in both directions, and there are other criterion, which aren’t so easy to procure.
If it was, there would be lessor cost alternatives in the business.
You might want to check with the Cemetery or Health Department for the location You want to be Interred for Regulations like do they require anything like a Vault or Hermetically Sealed Caskets or something else.
I know in Texas that Internment on Private Property is OK.
I like Your idea of building Your Own Box. Maybe You could start a BYOB Website for Plans and/or Kits ?
Just a brain fart;)
When dad passed he was set against a funeral. He wanted to be placed in a cemetery by the headstone along side mom. He is wanted to be cremated so does mom. When he died we followed his wishes. He was cremated in his bib overalls. His ashes were placed in a box. Mom wanted a service dad didn’t object from the box his remains were in. We scheduled a meet and greet at the mortuary for all his friends and friends of the family. A table of pictures of him and mom of their years together. Some refreshments and just hand shaking and visiting. I saw people I hadn’t seen in 20 or 30 years. Dad wouldn’t have want to be a bother but it comforted mom and sis. Dad was 82nd airborne. The American Legion came and did a flag presentation for mom. That was it. Dad never was too religious. He was just a working man and Christian.
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