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Church Installs Ejection Seats To Remove Members Whose Phones Ring During Service
The Babylon Bee ^
| March 13, 2017
Posted on 03/12/2018 9:33:28 AM PDT by snarkpup
MURFREESBORO, TN—Middle Tennessee Baptist Church was having problems with church members failing to silence their phones during service.
But not anymore, thanks to the church’s new, state-of-the-art ejection system installed in every seat throughout the sanctuary.
...
“We hope he’s alright, but most of all, we hope that next time he visits, he turns that puppy on vibrate,” he added.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
TOPICS: Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS:
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1
posted on
03/12/2018 9:33:28 AM PDT
by
snarkpup
To: snarkpup
Love the Bee.
Amen to the part about back rubs. This is not the movie theater.
2
posted on
03/12/2018 9:40:48 AM PDT
by
GnuThere
To: snarkpup
The first person ejected needed an ambulance ride to the hospital.
I predict a lot of lawsuits in their future.
3
posted on
03/12/2018 9:40:54 AM PDT
by
BuffaloJack
(Chivalry is not dead. It is a warriors code and only practiced by warriors.)
To: snarkpup
If only this was really true...
4
posted on
03/12/2018 9:42:21 AM PDT
by
BlessedBeGod
(To restore all things in Christ~~Appeasing evil is cowardice~~Francis is temporary. Hell is forever.)
To: snarkpup
I know a seriously annoying busybody in our choir I would love to press the button on. 😏
5
posted on
03/12/2018 9:46:12 AM PDT
by
RushIsMyTeddyBear
(Screw The NFL!!!!!! My family fought for the flag!)
To: snarkpup
I have to send this to my pastor, ASAP...
6
posted on
03/12/2018 9:46:22 AM PDT
by
MAexile
(Bats left, votes rights)
To: BlessedBeGod
7
posted on
03/12/2018 9:47:23 AM PDT
by
rlmorel
(No tagline available right now. Come back later.)
To: snarkpup
The kneeling bar comes down and smashes their feet.
8
posted on
03/12/2018 9:48:27 AM PDT
by
headstamp 2
(My "White Privilege" is my work ethic.)
To: snarkpup
Snopes better fact check this...
To: snarkpup
This is a problem in virtually every church.
10
posted on
03/12/2018 9:53:10 AM PDT
by
fwdude
(History has no 'sides;' you're thinking of geometry.)
To: snarkpup
Now there’s an idea for upgrading the seats of our Congress.
To: fwdude
The problem with churches is that they are made up of people.
Prideful, sinful people.
God have mercy on us all.
12
posted on
03/12/2018 9:56:09 AM PDT
by
SpinnerWebb
(Winter is coming)
To: snarkpup
I remember a phone ringing while out pastor was praying... the ring tone was “take me out to the ball game”. He continued with his prayer, and after he said “amen” he yelled, “Play ball!”
He had a sense of humor and got his point across.
13
posted on
03/12/2018 9:57:26 AM PDT
by
Not A Snowbird
(Formerly SandyInSeattle cuz I moved!)
To: snarkpup
In our church, we have one group that specifically announces before the meeting that everyone should turn off or silence their cell phones. Like clockwork, one woman’s phone goes off during the meeting. All the time. She’s a very sweet woman so no one wants to be harsh with her but she never listens. It never registers with her. Its kind of a joke now.
14
posted on
03/12/2018 9:59:32 AM PDT
by
Opinionated Blowhard
("When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.")
To: Not A Snowbird
15
posted on
03/12/2018 10:00:15 AM PDT
by
RushIsMyTeddyBear
(Screw The NFL!!!!!! My family fought for the flag!)
To: snarkpup
What I’d really like is the ability to trigger the Claymore in the steering columns of the jackasses who insist on texting while driving.
16
posted on
03/12/2018 10:03:39 AM PDT
by
SirLurkedalot
(10/10/51-7/7/16 RIP Dad, I'll be missing you until I cross over to Eternity)
To: SirLurkedalot
Had Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye serenading the sanctuary one Sunday. That was pretty funny.
To: GnuThere
To: GnuThere
They musta confused “into the heavens” with “into Heaven.”
To: Pappy Smear
😂
20
posted on
03/12/2018 10:10:46 AM PDT
by
RushIsMyTeddyBear
(Screw The NFL!!!!!! My family fought for the flag!)
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