Posted on 06/06/2017 3:04:45 PM PDT by Mechanicos
Dear Tech Support,
’Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
-------
The response:
Dear Desperate,
“First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.Good Luck!’
Good Luck!
Joke is a bazillion years old.
I think I first saw it on USENET hen accessing via my CP/M S/100 bus system.
Yeah, I bet she got fat and bitchy and stop giving it up.
More man bashing.
Husband 1.0 does the same.......
SOFTWARE UPGRADE TO WIFE VERSION 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took
up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0
installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0,
Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 I can’t seem to keep Wife
1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite
applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the
uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to
return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the
program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-
Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and
work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command
before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high
maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such
as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be
very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause
the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary
With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0
and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
There should be a companion piece to tech support, “Wife 1.0 appears to be bloat-ware”.
"...wife letter to tech support..."
This is so old, I was young when I first read it.
An oldie, but a goodie, worth reading again.
Anime respite from the day’s news
Bookmark
I poked out the original version of this on 47 punchcards
So is post #4 “women bashing” or should you reinstall “Humor 6.0”?
Yeah, always the woman's fault cause we all know men are perfect>
>>I poked out the original version of this on 47 punchcards<<
I carried mine around on paper tape. I was advanced that way.
Good post - had not seen it before.
Here's an upgrade from your local tech writer stud. Wife 1.0 needs to go back in the "trash" file and recover "Sex Like Before the Wedding 1.0". Reinstall this, with care, and everything for both components will run just fine. The warning about the mother-in-law still applies!
Apple made their own version of this joke.
Both the husband and wife are male and the girlfriend is a tranny.
Fanboys waited in the rain for hours for a chance to pay $200 for the new version of the joke.
No, it’s Blame-Shifting 4.3 which kicks in when the operating system is working as designed but not wanted.
Great quip, almost spit out my beer.
Back before SJW feminazis killed jokes like this dead.
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