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Where is Lester Holt? (Satire)
9/25/16 | RetiredTexasVet

Posted on 09/25/2016 3:02:09 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet

Where is Lester Holt? He has been missing from the NBC Evening News for over a week. Savanah Guppie has been ordered to fill in for the nightly news cast in his absence. Guppie fearfully stated that Holt was at home writing questions for the debate. Guppie would not elaborate because she was fearful that any unapproved response might subject her to the same PC crucifixion that had been visited upon her co-host Matt Liar.

Alt-Right investigative reporters have learned from a source within the Clinton campaign staff that Holt is being covertly driven to the Clinton compound daily. The source stated that the normal procedure would be for the Debate Moderator to give the Democratic candidate the questions in advance of the debate. However, because of Mrs Clinton's declining mental and physical capabilities caused by her advanced Parkinsons, it was decided to have Holt on site to assist with the questions and responses. Holt is also designated to use the actuator for the shock collar that Mrs Clinton will be wearing to preclude dozing off or seizures. Holt was to be paid by the Clinton Foundation through an account set up at Wells Fargo.

In unrelated news, a senior staffer of the Clinton Campaign was found dead outside the Clinton compound by FBI Director James Comey. Director Comey happened to be at the compound to give immunity to several additional Clinton staffers and stumbled upon the body upon leaving.

Comey initially determined that the killing was the work of Russian hackers who left their double shot to the back of the head trademark. However, Lester Holt, who just happened to be in the neighborhood walking his dog, a black lab named Al, spotted a piece of paper pinned to the shirt of the staffer stating "I killed myself with that gun near my hand".

Having heard the commotion and awakened from a drug induced stupor, Mrs Clinton was wheeled to the scene. She stated that the staffer was despondent because he had been fired that very afternoon for stealing opioids that Mrs Clinton's doctor had prescribed for her pneumonia.

All three agreed that the death was probably a suicide. Mrs Clinton stated that she would insure that all of the staffer's unpaid salary, vacation pay and any severance pay would be donated to the Clinton Global Crime Initiative for furtherance of gun control.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: 2016debates; nbcnews; sarcasm; satire; scorn

1 posted on 09/25/2016 3:02:09 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Lester, has been meeting with Hillary to dicuss debate strategy, questions
and answers and general rigging strategy.


2 posted on 09/25/2016 3:04:23 PM PDT by tennmountainman ("Prophet Mountainman" Predicter Of All Things RINO...for a small pittance)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

"Will she be safe Lester?"

3 posted on 09/25/2016 3:04:57 PM PDT by mrsmith (Dumb sluts: Lifeblood of the Media, Backbone of the Democrat/RINO Party!)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

In Chappaqua NY.


4 posted on 09/25/2016 3:05:34 PM PDT by Starboard
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Having the self-destruct device installed so they can zap him if he goes all Lauer on them?


5 posted on 09/25/2016 3:23:13 PM PDT by bigbob (The Hillary indictment will have to come from us.)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

When you are a debate moderator for a presidential/vice presidential debate, you have to rest, refuel, find out what question to ask.


6 posted on 09/25/2016 3:25:28 PM PDT by GuavaCheesePuff
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To: tennmountainman
Maybe he's studying with the master, the legend, the icon of moderators---



"Check the transcript, Candy"


I just happen to have that exact quote right here Mr. President!


Everything my President said is true, Mr. Romney. And everything you said is a blatant lie and I am required to let the American people know.

NEENER, NEENER, NEENER, you big fat racist!!!

7 posted on 09/25/2016 3:28:40 PM PDT by Baynative (Freedom; the dream of every human, the birth right of every American.)
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To: Baynative

Lester Holt is a registered Republican, according to CNN today.


8 posted on 09/25/2016 3:50:56 PM PDT by fision
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To: RetiredTexasVet

privately emailing the debate questions to the beast


9 posted on 09/25/2016 3:54:09 PM PDT by kvanbrunt2 (all your base are belong to us)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Until the debates, I had never heard of the guy. My question is who is Lester Holt?


10 posted on 09/25/2016 3:55:58 PM PDT by HotKat (Politicians are like diapers; they need to be changed often and for the same reason. Mark Twain)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Fast Walking the questions to Hillary.


11 posted on 09/25/2016 3:59:17 PM PDT by Red Steel
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To: fision

If he is, I’ll bet he does that for cover in an attempt to appear neutral.


12 posted on 09/25/2016 4:09:53 PM PDT by Baynative (Freedom; the dream of every human, the birth right of every American.)
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To: fision

[Lester Holt is a registered Republican...]

No news anchors reveal what party they belong to, I think it’s in their contracts.

They are ‘neutral’. /s


13 posted on 09/25/2016 4:24:44 PM PDT by RetSignman (Obama is the walking, talking middle finger in the face of America)
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To: HotKat

Until Lester broadcasted the wrong website address on his NBC Nightly News, which resulted in dozens of misguided contacts to my organization (ministry), I could have cared less who this maroon was.


14 posted on 09/25/2016 4:26:41 PM PDT by georgiegirl (Count me in the half that's in the Deplorable Basket)
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To: georgiegirl
... I could have cared less who this maroon ...

Then why didn't you?

15 posted on 09/25/2016 4:41:46 PM PDT by nwrep
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Chappaqua?


16 posted on 09/25/2016 6:19:56 PM PDT by TBP (0bama lies, Granny dies.)
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To: tennmountainman

In addition to discussions about what kind of defeat Traitorhillary should experience, there is also the discussion of what kind of defeat should swallow up the fifth-column leftist Lester Holt.

Lester Holt’s behavior as a reporter and anchor would suggest he will demonstrate his true demonic agenda and treachery as a debate moderator.


17 posted on 09/25/2016 6:28:59 PM PDT by Carl Vehse
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To: nwrep
Then why didn't you? Not sure what you mean.
18 posted on 09/25/2016 6:42:54 PM PDT by georgiegirl (Count me in the half that's in the Deplorable Basket)
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