This is true for Dads too. The shaming is cruel and has to stop.
Posted on 06/17/2015 5:30:43 PM PDT by rickmichaels
As parents, we face some of our biggest challenges when our kids misbehave. There’s a lot to consider when doling out discipline; and yet, in the heat of the moment when we’re angry and frustrated, our better judgment can easily fly out the window.
We yell. We demand apologies. We force time-outs and revoke privileges. But whatever we do, we need to be aware not only of what should be done to discourage bad behaviour and teach them not to behave similarly in future; we also need to consider our own actions, how we interact with our kids, and what kinds of consequences might result from our own behaviour in these situations.
I’ve read a few stories recently about parental shaming. It appears to have taken on a new dimension in a troubling trend: parents shaming their kids, often by doing things such as giving them bad haircuts, then videotaping the experience and posting it online.
It’s interesting to see the reactions to these stories. While many commenters have been critical, others have applauded these parents for their audacity and supposed inventiveness, for finding an unconventional but seemingly effective means of bringing their miscreant kids’ behaviour into line.
The truth, however, is more complicated. As evidenced by the recent suicide of 13-year-old Izabel Laxamana, who jumped off a highway overpass after her father cut her hair and posted a video of it online, shaming kids goes far beyond merely correcting bad behaviour. In fact, it can have lasting consequences for both children and their parents.
(Excerpt) Read more at news.nationalpost.com ...
Praise in public, punish in private!
While children should feel shame, and know that their parents are ashamed of their behavior, the recent public shaming popping up on social networking is disturbing. The parents are using it purely for narcissism and not for behavioral adjustment.
Bad haircut and then posting it online? I would not do that. But I would not shy away from making them stand on a street corner with a sign dealing with their offence if it was serious (a few judges do that). Restrictions, a swat, deprivation of Xbox and the like, all seem reasonable to me.
As a general rule that is good. Occasionally, you must send a very strong message. Then an example or two might suffice.
A rule my father believed in ... worked. I have passed it on to my progeny. ;-)
“Praise in public, punish in private!”
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I agree. I feel so sorry for this little girl and her public humiliation.
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This is true for Dads too. The shaming is cruel and has to stop.
We should all be ashamed when we behave badly (sin), but mocking and humiliating children doesn’t even connect the bad behavior to appropriate guilt, repentance and change.
It is a twisted way to derive pleasure from bullying their own children. Disgusting.
Never in public.
Being honest with you is paramount regardless of the circumstances.
They need to know that YOU KNOW what they are/were thinking and that they may be lying.
It’s OK as a parent to be wrong if you challenge your kid. If you are wrong, they will defend themselves and that will build trust. If you are correct in calling them out, their defense will fall apart and they will understand that you are smarter than they are. (hopefully)
Any truly engaged parent should know when their kid is being less than honest.
I don’t think that any parent should let the “Little lies” go unchallenged.
I would love to see some numbers on this.
I suspect that if you asked/polled a bunch of 14 to 18 year old kids anonymously, the breakdown would fall along predictable demographic lines.
“Are you able to get away with being less than truthful with your parents?”
When my son was around the age of four, I told him that I often asked God to reveal to me when he lied so that he would never get away with it.
A few days later I knew he was lying and called him on it. I can still see him stomping up the stairs, then slamming his hand on the railing and yelling, “Why does God always have to tell you everything!”
I agree with you completely about never letting kids get way with dishonesty.
Thanks.
The rules of honesty, when established early have lifelong affects on our relationships with our kids.
As they grow into adults they get more complicated to be sure.
My 23 yo daughter recently asked me what I thought about her dating an older guy.
I asked “How much older?”
She said “ten years”
I asked lots of questions and it turned out to be 13 years. (not that would have made much of a difference), but she trusted my opinions and we worked through a number of things that if we had not had the trust that was established many years prior, I may have lost her.
I wish that had been my Pa’s philosophy.
This is what modern supervisors do. Parents of a child may do the same a few times. The temptation to go ballistic before it’s needed.... consider that the kids might need some warnings first.
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