Posted on 04/05/2015 10:41:27 AM PDT by SamAdams76
If you are inclined, you will find dust in your home. Dust on top of the refrigerator. Dust on top of the cabinets. If you take the top blanket on your bed and shake it vigorously, clouds of dust will come from it. If there is a shaft of sunlight coming through a window, you will see the particles of dust dancing in the light beam.
Where does all that dust come from? Well, you probably don't want to know but if you want to stick around to the end of this column, I will tell you.
It is difficult to drive at the proper speed when you are going backroads. Go too fast and you eventually get a speeding ticket because cops like to lay speedtraps there. If you go slower, you will eventually have another driver on your tail, glaring menacingly at you through the rear view. You are going too slow for the guy behind you. But you know if you speed up, you will be the one to get a speeding ticket. If you continue to go slow, you incite possible road rage. But if you pull over to let the other driver by, you can't help but feel a little bit emasculated. What is the right speed for driving backroads?
All this fuss about homosexuals targeting Christian bakeries to bake cakes for them. First of all, how does one tell that a bakery is Christian? I never actually thought about that. I go to a bakery in my town from time to time. They could be a Jewish bakery for all I know. Or they could be Hindu. They don't have a sign in their window stating what religion bakery they are and I don't ask. So I don't know.
Anyway, I reckon the reason that homosexuals go to these bakeries is that they are trying to create controversy and get themselves in the news. They also want to get the Christian bakeries shut down for some odd reason. I think they hate Christians in the same way that Muslims hate the Jews and that they wish to see them destroyed. If it were up to the homosexuals, it would be Kristallnacht for the Christian bakeries. Homosexuals do not like Christian bakeries, especially Christian bakeries that give them a hard time about baking them special cakes for their homosexual weddings.
Well, I have an antidote to that. Wish I could say it was my idea but I saw it posted here on Free Republic the other day. It's a brilliant idea.
So next time a homosexual swishes into a Christian bakery to demand a homosexual wedding cake to be special made for him and his Elton John looking "partner", this is how the bakery should respond:
"We will be happy to bake you a special cake for your homosexual wedding, but please be aware that proceeds from this sale will be donated to the Ted Cruz for president campaign. Now may I please take your order?"
That will instantly take the wind out of their sales. They will no longer be able to claim that this bakery refuses to do business with them and they will not be able to start a Twitter campaign to get them shut down. Now they will either have to follow through on the order or find a way to slink out of there.
The bakery could even put a sign in the window of a smiling Ted Cruz stating that they happily bake homosexual wedding cakes, with all proceeds going to the Cruz 2016 campaign.
All this nonsense would end overnight.
I don't understand all the fuss being made about college basketball. Evidently, there was a team from Kentucky that was undefeated and now they are not undefeated, on account of losing a game the other night.
The people in Kentucky were really wrapped up in this game. I'm talking people that never even went to college who have their yards decorated with "Go Wildcats" and other such declarations for their hometown college teams. People are decorating their cars and everything. Then they ended up losing the game and many of them are devastated. Why?
Same with pro sports. People get so wrapped up in the pro sports team that is "local" to them. Do they not realize that the players for these teams are not loyal to their towns but are instead there only on contract? Most of them were not born in the area and have no desire to live there after their career is over - or after they get traded. As soon as the season is over, they are on the next plane out of town.
Yet when a given city wins a championship, local residents go running around saying "we won" when in fact they didn't win squat. The players that actually won the game are on 44 separate planes out of town and will not return to their shitty town until they are contractually obligated to at the beginning of the next season.
On a related topic, what is it with grown men wearing jerseys and other overpriced paraphernalia of sports teams that they have absolutely nothing to do with?
Take a 320-pound relative of mine who waddles around my house at Christmastime and Easter with a Tom Brady jersey in size XXXL. Yeah, like people are going to mistake him for Tom Brady and think he plays for the New England Patriots football club.
In my opinion, a grown man has no business wearing any jersey of a professional sports club unless 1) he actually belongs to said club and 2) he is either on the practice field or the game field. A true professional athlete dresses as a businessman once he leaves the locker room. You don't see the real Tom Brady waddling through the shopping mall in his jersey while sipping something from the Orange Julius.
Ditto for sneakers. Grown men wearing sneakers looks so lame and sloppy. Unless you are actually jogging around your neighborhood, weeding your garden, walking your dog, cleaning your garage or painting your house, then put on "grown-up" shoes, OK?
Now, let's finally get to the dust in your home. Where does it come from? Well, for one thing, humans are constantly shedding dead skin from their body. The more people in your home, the more dead skin flakes are floating around and landing on everything. All the fibers from upholstery, clothing, rugs, etc., are also swirling around your home. If you come in from outside and you don't leave your shoes at the door, then you are tracking in whatever is on the bottom of your shoe. Dog feces, dead insects, garbage off the street, whatever, it is now in your home and floating around waiting for a flat surface to land one.
Put dust under a microscope and you will find all kinds of dust mites living among that dust. Not something that's fun to think about but it's there, floating around you as you read this.
Well, happy Easter everybody.
Best column I’ve read in a while.
My grandmother said it was stardust.
Human skin.
“Human skin. “
Not if you live with a cat. She rolls in the sand and comes in looking like a ghost kitty. She immediately shakes off.
Helluva difference, in the dust department.
Bonus: We were also able to dump the rug shampooer and the Oreck.
Easter dust bunnies, of course.
L
” 1) he actually belongs to said club and 2) he is either on the practice field or the game field.”
“Ditto for sneakers. Grown men wearing sneakers looks so lame and sloppy. Unless you are actually jogging around your neighborhood, weeding your garden, walking your dog, cleaning your garage or painting your house, then put on “grown-up” shoes, OK?”
Opinions, most will ignore or find ridiculous but you are as
entitled to your opinion as much as you are entitled to being gay. And as with such you should keep to yourself, or not, this is America.
Dust is the remains of chaos. The world is constantly degrading. Falling into disre0air. And returning to from where it came. Dust ischaos.
Quite right. I spend a good bit of my time looking at samples of dust from air and surfaces.
Far and away the most common component is human (or animal) skin flakes.
They have the most flakes.
Before your untimely death, didn't you use to do the closing segment on CBS's "60 Minutes"?
As old Morty from Swiffer Sweeper says, “We create very little.” It is the opened back door where 7 fur babies come and go 50 bazillion times a day bringing in half the grass, leaves, and dirt from the yard along with all the presents they show off.
Cellulose insulation.
IMO, five miles over the speed limit. Fast enough so you aren't holding people up, but not so fast that you'll get a ticket. Around here, people tend to do ten miles under the speed limit on back roads. It's maddening.
You're right that Tom Brady doesn't go around wearing his jersey, but he's often seen swishing around with a scarf around his neck and hipster glasses & knit cap. I don't like either of those looks.
And I think sneakers for men are fine.
I enjoyed your writing.
Exactly what I was going to say, when I read the headline. Daggone. But I have an ultrasonic humidifier, and its mist evaporates and leaves very fine carbonate dust from the tap water I fill it with. Plus stuff from the hot air flues in the winter. And maybe some frsctured cobwebs I missed. Most of the lint from my clothes dryer goes outside or in the wastebasket, I guess.
Everybody knows dust is made by homosexuals in Kentucky.
A kid comes home from Sunday school where he has heard the line, “Remember man that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return.” He asks his mother if this is true and she says it is. So he tells her to come quick and look under his bed—someone is either coming or going.
I was expecting some sort of joke about the Easter Dust Bunny.
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