Posted on 10/26/2014 5:58:54 PM PDT by goodwithagun
FReepers, we are in desperate need of some levity. Please share your favorite funny story about the ins and outs of parenthood. I'll go first!
I don’t have children, but I did have five sisters. My recommendation: do not leave a 4-yr old with access to red lipstick & a white bunny. The bunny pooped red pellets for days.
Billboard advert showing eldery lady in a graduation procession from a local college as we drive by.
My kid (the age of 6): “Hey, Mom, was she held back?”
I made our son a kitty costume when he was little. He LIVED as a kitty for quite a while, lapping milk up from a saucer, etc. One night as I was preparing a bath, I left him alone in the bathroom for a sec. When I came back, the kitty litter was QUITE wet. I said, “Hmm, seems like Smoky really had to pee.” “I did it, Mom,” he said. “I just wanted to see what it was like.” hahah.
How does the tooth fairy know you’ve lost a tooth? Is she a stalker?
I bought some rainbow sherbet for my Shaghai-born lady friend’s daughter. She ate it one color at a time. The next morning she pooped, and her “stuff” was rainbow-colored!” She freaked! I also told her that I stuck semi-chewed gum behind my ear. She did that, andI and gal had to cut off a bunch of her hair. They didn’t find it funny, but I collapsed in giggles!
We were stationed in England when our oldest daughter was 5. Her class had been discussing child abuse so when she was refusing to eat dinner one night and I sent her to bed without eating (I offered her peanut butter bread but she refused that too), she picked the phone up and called 999 (UK’s 911) and told the officer she was being “child abused”.
I found out when she came to the top of the stairs and said “Mom, pick up the phone. The policeman wants to talk to you about child abusing me.” He ended up telling her she should eat her dinner and mind her mommy.
When my sister found out she was pregnant with their second child, she let her husband be the one to tell their 5 year old daughter. So he read their daughter a bedtime story about babies while Mom was doing dishes. At the end of the story, he told her “Guess what, I have a secret.’
‘What is it?” She asked. He said “WE’RE getting a new baby!’
Her eyes got really big and she squealed “Let’s go tell Mom!’
Our youngest was 4 and we were in a Vegas casino (well the all you can eat restaurant). I took her to the bathroom. mind you, she had never seen a toilet that flushes by itself before....She walked out of the stall with her eyes as big as saucers and her mouth agape. she barely got out the words “the toilet flushed by itself?” I waited without laughing along with another woman who was witnessing this and we didn’t say anything because we were waiting to see how she was gonna react when the sink turned on by itself. She jumped back and shouted “there are ghosts in here!” I still cant even think about this event of 20 years ago without cracking up!
My elderly Mom called me all excited to tell me about her new great grandaughter.
“And you won’t believe what they named her” she bubbled. “They Named her Honda!”
“Honda?” I asked...
“No, no..the American Motorcycle” she said.
“Oh” says I. “You mean, “HARLEY?”
“Yeah”, Says mom “that’s it”.
My middle daughter was about 2 yrs old when her baby sister, 4 mos. or so, had a bad case of gas. We all heard the “noise” and my 2 yr old opined, “Sounds like she’s starting her engine!”
At about 15 months old our fifth child loved playing peek-a-boo. One day he played it with me while taking a bath and hiding behind the shower curtain liner. The clear shower curtain liner. His eyes were shining and he was giddy with excitement waiting to jump out and say “peek-a-boo!” to surprise me...while maintaining eye contact through the liner the entire time. It was so funny!
As young new time harrassed parents our first young son of three fell asleep on the couch one afternoon. My wife and I took our chance to make love while our child slept when there was a knock on the front door. I was prepared to ignore him however my now woken some answered the door to a salesman who asks politely if his mom or dad were home. My son dutifly replied yes that we were upstairs talking naked. To my wife and I embarrassment the salesmen started laughing so hard he fell down in a heap. Kids say the darndest things.
My wife recently dropped me off at Home Depot to run in and grab something. She stayed in the car with our 6 year old son. Before I left I asked her, “Do you have cash or should I swipe it (debit it)?”
My son remembered something that he wanted and asked if he could have it. Mom said, “I don’t have any money for that today”.
He said, “that’s OK I can swipe it.”
We had to have a conversation about debit cards, stealing and homophones.
we were stationed in Okinawa (Japan) when our son was 15 months old..
I called it Peep-a-Booki (Buki) for Kabuki theatre..
whenever some FReeper mentions Kabuki Theatre I smile
:)
Over 39 years ago while at the local Sears hardware section, we lost track of our 2 year old for about 3 minutes. I was so freaked running through the aisles searching when I caught a glimpse, there she was standing like a proud peacock with her pants at her knees. She states “I potty”. Where did you pee pee? I said. She said “not pee pee, it was potty” We were mortified..............and now you know why toilets for sale are now either out of reach or have a safety cover.
My mother, sister and niece were at the grocery store and my niece wanted a candy bar. The owner was standing nearby watching. My sister said no. The owner came over and asked my niece what candy bar she wanted and my niece said, “I guess I cannot have a candy bar today as my daddy hasn’t paid child support the last months!” She’d heard my mom and sister say that earlier that day when they thought she was playing in the next room! She got a free candy bar on her way out!
We were on a church retreat with all the kids and stuff. Our 5 or 6 year-old son wanted to play charades with the adults (using the pre-printed cards). He did okay.
Until he got to one of them. He was pantomiming all sorts of stuff. Then was pointing at his penis, and then a long arc outward. We all were trying to be polite to him, but at the risk of saying something a bit off in the church group. And no doubt some laughter.
We asked him what it was once the timer went off.
“It was ‘pee hole’”
We read the card - it was “peep hole”.
At 20 years old now he STILL doesn’t like that story.
Last week, I was soaking in my tub when my four-year old granddaugter came in. She sat on the potty, looked over at me and said.....”I hope I have long boobs like you when I grow up.” At my age, 72, they are no longer “Perky”.
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