Vegetarians stink and are related to cows!
flatus...a genus closely related to FLOTUS?
I have a buddy of mine - retired Marine - who can LAY WASTE to the entire cubicle population at work. The man is a Methane Production Machine, and causes eye-watering, nostril-burning emissions that can be seen GLOWING from space with the miasmatic FUNK of it all....
His bowels should be classified by the EPA as an Environmental Disaster Area...
And he just smiles, grins, and laughs about it.
When he’s in the toilet stalls, if you are unlucky enough to be in there at the same time, you’ll find yourself hammering on the wall, begging for a Courtesy Flush...
Yeah... it’s that bad. Funnier than hell, but man... what a stench.
Ozone depleting air biscuits...
“More Beans Mr. Tagart?”
A number of years ago I ran out of propane on a forklift in the middle of the dock. As I was rolling the empty to the end of the dock for a fresh tank one of our guys asked; “Did you run out of gas way down there?” I told him, “No, I might run out of fuel once in a while but I never run out of gas.”
Well, that certainly clears the air.
Got this recently in an email:
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning ...she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, “Honey you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”
” What do you mean?” asked his wife.
“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in.”
Save the Humpback Whales < /National Lampoon Radio Hour >
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isxuT24Bm3w
Hell, I’m at 21 before I even get out of bed...
Alright, who put ‘music’ in the ‘keywords’? Fessup.
Take it in and revel in it, it means you’re alive! I know a guy, while driving with passengers will roll up the windows (and electrically lock them out), then cut a big one and laugh his head off.
Doesn't matter if it was nice smelling flowers, cologne, baked goods, whatever. I'm still waiting to use that line.
Paaafwwwtttt!
Just say'n.
Obamugabe should take note...
this IS the WRATH OF POOTIN’
Pull my finger and blame the dog.
Well, they say laughter is the best medicine, so we're all good around our house.
We always use cane or wicker chairs in our dining room, for unimpeded acoustics during the championship rounds.
Please pass the bean burritos. I've got to beat my brother this year.
An old guy goes to his doctor.
"What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor.
"Doc, I"m bothered by silent gas emissions," said the old guy.
"OK," said the doctor. "I'll give your a check up. First, let's start with your hearing."
So... they are the ones causing global warming.