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1 posted on 02/27/2014 7:21:52 AM PST by Focault's Pendulum
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To: Focault's Pendulum

“Diarrhea”. Not another word will be said.


2 posted on 02/27/2014 7:26:16 AM PST by albie
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Who hasn’t a “dead battery”? You can’t use this one very often, but it’s always worked for me.


4 posted on 02/27/2014 7:28:45 AM PST by Slump Tester (What if I'm pregnant Teddy? Errr-ahh -Calm down Mary Jo, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Long ago when Imus was doing his original show in NYC, he had a contract dispute with the station. He found that while his show as number one in NYC, John Gambling on another station was earning more than he was while Gambling was third in popularity. He had a no strike clause. So, he went on a work slow down. First day he was an hour late and announced he was delayed as the Japanese took the bridge ahead. Second day he was an hour late he said he did not want to break the turtle parade on the LIE. He got his raise. The perfect excuses and ones that got him his raise!


5 posted on 02/27/2014 7:29:10 AM PST by Mouton (The insurrection laws perpetuate what we have for a government now.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Millennials in the Workplace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz0o9clVQu8


6 posted on 02/27/2014 7:29:14 AM PST by 2ndDivisionVet (I will raise $2M for Sarah Palin's next run, what will you do?)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

“My gun jammed.”


7 posted on 02/27/2014 7:29:40 AM PST by thesharkboy (posting without reading the article since 1998)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Just show up with donuts.


8 posted on 02/27/2014 7:30:26 AM PST by Ray76 (How modern liberals think: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaE98w1KZ-c)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

There is no good excuse for being late.

Ever.

Be on time.


9 posted on 02/27/2014 7:30:35 AM PST by Cringing Negativism Network ( http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/balance/c5700.html#2013)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

A cable snapped and I could not get my garage door open
(actually happened to me once)


10 posted on 02/27/2014 7:30:59 AM PST by Buckeye McFrog
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To: Focault's Pendulum
What’s the wildest excuse you’ve ever given?

I thought I was laid off today.

I was starting to set up my "Poet's Galley" in the spare bedroom, next to where I was preparing to spend the whole day tucking my kid into bed. Being 25, he was a little PO'ed about that. So was his chick.

Then my boss called and said, "WTF are you? Get your %@#* fanny in here!" My career in poetry and tucking kids into bed, ruined.

12 posted on 02/27/2014 7:32:06 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: Focault's Pendulum

most recently, my niece took off with my car keys... i had to wait till she got out of her morning class... she didn’t check her messages till she got to her office (work)... then she had to drive back to the house to bring me the keys... i was about 75 minutes late... it was no biggie as far as my employers were concerned... i love working for my young, Southern gentlemen attorney employers (they are brothers)...


14 posted on 02/27/2014 7:34:57 AM PST by latina4dubya (when i have money i buy books... if i have anything left, i buy 6-inch heels and a bottle of wine...)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Learn how to puke on cue...


15 posted on 02/27/2014 7:37:59 AM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: Focault's Pendulum
My excuses, in order of frequency of use.
  1. "I had to dispose of the body."

  2. "Aliens."

  3. "I had to make sure you were out of the house before I slept with your wife, didn't I?"

  4. "Witches."

  5. "I was mobbed by Machine-Gun-Toting Robot Cowboy Turtles."

16 posted on 02/27/2014 7:38:39 AM PST by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

TRAFFIC is overused.


18 posted on 02/27/2014 7:40:12 AM PST by SeekAndFind
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To: Focault's Pendulum

“trabsportation”

Really?


19 posted on 02/27/2014 7:40:51 AM PST by Slambat
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To: Focault's Pendulum

I start an hour before everyone else, so I never have to come up with an excuse.


20 posted on 02/27/2014 7:44:05 AM PST by Durbin
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Around the oilfields “I met a really hot babe at the bar last night” pretty much worked every time.


22 posted on 02/27/2014 7:48:50 AM PST by IMR 4350
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Don’t pay the ransom boss; I escaped.


25 posted on 02/27/2014 7:50:10 AM PST by csmusaret (Will remove Obama-Biden bumperstickers for $10)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

When I would to come in to work late, I would tell my boss that I’d have to leave early that day ,, as I dont want to be late twice in one day...


27 posted on 02/27/2014 7:52:49 AM PST by ßuddaßudd
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Back when I was working construction jobs I usually showed 30 minutes before the official start time, many others did too. I can’t say ever remember anyone showing up late twice.


28 posted on 02/27/2014 7:52:57 AM PST by WinMod70
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To: Focault's Pendulum

My dog ate my Toyota.


33 posted on 02/27/2014 7:56:58 AM PST by circlecity
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