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FReeper Advice on Divorce
wac3rd ^ | 07-12-13 | wac3rd

Posted on 07/12/2013 11:42:18 PM PDT by wac3rd

I want some advice as to any FReepers who have gone through a divorce. We have good jobs, good health (I'm a little overweight - 245 lbs and 6'4") and two young kids, 6 and 2.

There is just no feeling there anymore, we just resent each other and there is no love or passion. We sleep apart, don't do date night and our social lives, other than family and kid/school/sports activities are apart.

I tried to get her to church, she isn't super religious, but spiritual (good person).

I live in the suburbs on San Francisco and feel really lonely after coming home, working long hours, and feeling unwanted. I love the kids so much but my wife is constantly complaining about something I do wrong.

I am tired of working so hard to have no connection with my spouse. After 10 years, we rarely are intimate and she is happier at a cooking class or bike riding with the girls than going to a movie, dinner or working out with me.

I wonder if any FReepers have been through this, I pray a lot asking what I can do, but she is so negative and never smiles when I am home. It is really tough.

Any advice would be appreciated.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: divorce; putgodinyourlives; separation
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1 posted on 07/12/2013 11:42:18 PM PDT by wac3rd
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To: wac3rd

I would just say remember your kids above else. Tell your wife to remember them as well.

Your kids are depending on you to give them the family they deserve, it doesn’t have to be perfect, but they deserve an intact family.

I’m praying for you.


2 posted on 07/12/2013 11:45:12 PM PDT by struggle
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To: wac3rd

Sounds like a typical marriage.


3 posted on 07/12/2013 11:45:47 PM PDT by dragonblustar
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To: wac3rd

Work though the burn.


4 posted on 07/12/2013 11:47:58 PM PDT by mylife (Ted Cruz understands the law, and he does not fear the unlawful.)
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To: wac3rd
"It's cheaper to keep her "

Other than that , the only winners are the lawyers !!

5 posted on 07/12/2013 11:48:16 PM PDT by Tilted Irish Kilt (“Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.” - Ronald Reagan)
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To: dragonblustar

Glad I’m a perpetual bachelor then.


6 posted on 07/12/2013 11:48:40 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)
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To: dragonblustar

You know, most of my married friends say the same thing. The women become mean, distant...read weird books, take yoga, eat crazy healthy stuff and are angry and resentful.

I wish we could be close again. I hate being alone when I’m married.


7 posted on 07/12/2013 11:49:51 PM PDT by wac3rd (Somewhere in Hell, Ted Kennedy snickers....)
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To: wac3rd

Hate to tell ya’.....but same here. It’s tough.....but I do it for the kids. They are they main reason.


8 posted on 07/12/2013 11:49:59 PM PDT by RushIsMyTeddyBear (Great vid by ShorelineMike! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOZjJk6nbD4&feature=plcp)
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To: wac3rd

Oh, and compliment her instead of feeling slighted.

Sure, you have needs but so does she.

Love her.


9 posted on 07/12/2013 11:50:42 PM PDT by mylife (Ted Cruz understands the law, and he does not fear the unlawful.)
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To: wac3rd

My only piece of advice I can give is that you cannot change her, just yourself.

Be nice and civil towards her, at all costs. However, put your energies into your hobbies and, as best you can, make your home a welcome place for yourself.


10 posted on 07/12/2013 11:50:45 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)
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To: wac3rd
About the same time and the same situation in which me and my wife started second guessing our marriage.

It happens.

We've been married now for 24 1/2 years.

Your mileage may vary, and every relationship is different, but family is important. Do what you can to keep it together.

If it just can't work, then so be it. But try.

11 posted on 07/12/2013 11:51:33 PM PDT by Washi (PUSH BACK! Encourage your legislators to introduce pro-second amendment legislation.)
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To: wac3rd
Man, you don't know about working hard without connection...
The only people who win as divorce are the lawyers.
Then you'll learn about working hard, with court fees to pay, alimony to pay, child support to pay, house to be sold (at a loss) and a new place to rent, etc...
You haven't began to work hard, and you haven't begun to know pain.
12 posted on 07/12/2013 11:52:18 PM PDT by Yosemitest (It's Simple ! Fight, ... or Die !)
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To: wac3rd

Have you told her this?


13 posted on 07/12/2013 11:52:29 PM PDT by Irenic (The pencil sharpener and Elmer's glue is put away-- we've lost the red wheel barrow)
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To: wac3rd

Enjoy your new apartment complex. Wish I was kidding.

14 posted on 07/12/2013 11:53:45 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet (I'll raise $2million for Sarah Palin's next run. What'll you do?)
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To: wac3rd

I will definitely pray for you, and I will have a prayer warrior friend of mine pray for your marriage as well.

I would recommend doing research on Marriage counseling, or talk to your Pastor to see if he could council you two. And once armed with the option of pursuing this, if I were you, I would tell her straight out your concerns, your wants, and your needs in a very serious conversation. Tell her that you want her to consider counseling with you, to let her know that you are really serious in making things better. Also tell her that you love her, unconditionally, and be very gentle with her.

Also remember that, outside of Jesus Christ, there is no salvation. You should be zealous on this. If she is spiritual but does not believe in her heart that Jesus is the Christ, then you must warn her. I am a hypocrite on this, as I myself find it difficult to broach the subject with loved ones, especially when they are prone to scoffing at Christianity. Nevertheless, it is important, and should be amongst your priorities.

God bless you, and whatever you decide to do, I’ll definitely pray that all goes well for you.

Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.


15 posted on 07/12/2013 11:54:01 PM PDT by Greetings_Puny_Humans
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To: wac3rd

Overs...
Why dont we stop fooling ourselves
the game is over, over over...
No good times, no bad times
there’s no times left just the new York times
sitting on my windowsill with the flowers.

We might as well be apart
it hardly matters we sleep separately
drop a smile passing in the hall
but there’s no laughs left cause we laughed them all
Yes we laughed them all in a very short time

passing in the doorway
blowing through my window
rattling the teacups
and I wonder....

How long can I delay
we’re just a habit, like saccharine
and i’m habitually feeling kinna blue

but each time
I try on
the thought of leaving you

I stop...

Stop and Think It Over.


16 posted on 07/12/2013 11:54:36 PM PDT by Samurai_Jack (ride out and confront the evil!)
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To: 2ndDivisionVet

That would be ok. I just need a place to hang my hat.


17 posted on 07/12/2013 11:54:53 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)
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To: wac3rd

Try to see if you can rekindle something for the kids. Maybe if you point out how much worse your kids would be off after a divorce, she’d commit to working on your marriage.

I know young kids really put stress on a marriage.

The other thing you might consider is to move out the the Bay Area. I don’t think the culture there is very pro-family, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear your wife’s girlfriends are a bunch of awful nags (probably not helping the situation).

This is so sad, I hope things get better!


18 posted on 07/12/2013 11:55:16 PM PDT by BamaGirl
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To: Jonty30

I work a lot, which I am thankful for, but the urge for companionship and a “fun partner” to try things with, dance with, travel with, read with...is never there.

She would rather go to a meal swap deal with her girlfriends vs. hanging with me.

I just feel trapped, and depressed.


19 posted on 07/12/2013 11:55:24 PM PDT by wac3rd (Somewhere in Hell, Ted Kennedy snickers....)
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To: wac3rd

Above all my good fellow, speak lovingly to her but frankly, before you ask a stranger for advice.


20 posted on 07/12/2013 11:57:24 PM PDT by mylife (Ted Cruz understands the law, and he does not fear the unlawful.)
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