I prefer the Buffalo theory
In an episode of “Cheers,” Cliff Clavin, the trivia-spouting, quirky, irksome mama’s boy mailman is seated at the bar describing the buffalo theory to his buddy, Norm Peterson, the beer loving heavyweight bar stool sitting perpetual patron.
Cliff expounds his “Buffalo Theory” to Norm:
Well, you see, Norm, its like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, its the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
Believe it or not, that was pretty much the rationale behind treating schizophrenia with insulin shock therapy.
Nice theory. There’s probably one important attribute to beer that I’ve learned since high school. 5 pints makes any woman look like a Victoria’s Secret supermodel.