Posted on 03/28/2008 12:24:13 PM PDT by gocartoons
CRAIG’S LIST
Upee (Boysee, ID) – Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig made a list. He’s checking it twice. He’s gonna’ find out who’s naughty or nice. ‘Cause Santa Claus isn’t comin’ to town.
Fashioned after the ever-popular Internet buy, sell, and swap Web site, Craigslist, Senator Larry Craig has listed his close encounters of the worst kind on his new Craig’s List Web site. In exchange for a plea deal with the Hennepin District Attorney in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Senator Craig agreed to create a Web site listing the names of his partners in grime. Due to space limitations, we are unable to list Senator Craig’s entire listing, but we have provided a snapshot of his list.
The following list is a sampling from Craig’s List:
Sir Elton John - Nice Minneapolis Airport Police – Naughty Lance Bass – Nice Senate Ethics Committee - Naughty Mary Cheney – Nice, but he seemed more like a girl
Senator Craig spoke at an impromptu news conference this morning in Boysee at the Boys Club of Boysee announcing his new Web site. “I am not gay. I have never been gay, although I do use BenGay. I am happily married to my lesbian wife, Suzanne. If you go to my Web site and look at the long list of names on my Web site you will see that none of the names on my Craig’s List are the names of well-hung male homosexuals. I think this once again proves that I am not gay!”
Senator Craig went on to say, “Yes, I pleaded guilty. But no, I am not guilty. And yes, it was an undercover sting operation by the Minneapolis Airport Police. But no, it was not under the covers as I prefer it, but rather out in the open in the Men’s Room. Well, not exactly out in the open, more like in a bathroom stall. And yes, I was playing footsie. But no, I don’t see anything wrong with playing footsie. If more of us played footsie there’d be a lot less problems in the world. And no, don’t ask me my foot size. And yes, I won’t tell.”
The Senate Ethics Committee, composed of three Democrats and three Republicans and one Undecided, was rather perturbed with Senator Craig’s bathroom behavior and admonished him for his unethical conduct. His fellow gay Senators were particularly annoyed that Senator Craig has never made a pass at them. Former President Clinton pointed a finger at the Ethics Committee and said, “You guys wouldn’t know a pass if it hit you in the crotch.” To that Senator Boxers said, “OUCH!”
Senator Craig later added, “You might ask, what will I do after my life in politics? When I retire from politics, well uh, I plan to work for a closet company in California where gays are openly welcome and invited to come out of the closet company everyday after work and are readily accepted into the gay community. It does not matter if you’re gay or not gay, like me, not gay. The closet doors are always open!”
According to a source close to Senator Craig, but not THAT close, the Senator plans to complete his term in the US Senate and then either work for the closet company in California or enter a long and boring journey of abstinence in the Priesthood of the Catholic Church where his non-gay behavior should be better received than it was in the Minneapolis Airport.
Kramer http://www.StephenKramer.com http://www.FansGoWild.com p.s. - I don't check my sources. I just write this stuff off the top of my head without a little help from a friend.
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