Posted on 02/12/2008 8:18:33 AM PST by Gopher Broke
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ." My wife's going to have her baby in the cab !" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. " Big breaths,". . . I instructed. " Yes, they used to be,". . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a " massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. " Which one ?". . . I asked. " The patch . . . the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked " How long have you been bedridden ?" After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ." Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ." So how's your breakfast this morning?" " It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.". . . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled " KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . ." Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said " Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . ." I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?" She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ." No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' "
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
Ritter’s Doctors ‘Did Everything Wrong’
GLENDALE, Calif. (Feb. 12) - A lawyer for John Ritter’s family told a jury Monday that he would show doctors caused the actor’s death by an improper diagnosis and substandard treatment.
“What you’ll hear, ladies and gentleman, is that ... they did everything wrong,” attorney Moses Lebovits said in his opening statement at the trial in Los Angeles County Superior Court.
Ole and Lena got to her Drs. Appt
“Lena, have you ever been bedridden” asked the Dr.
Lena Grinning at Ole
“Ya lotsa times and Tvice in da buggy”
Ping
I have an aunt who worked as an RN for many, many years and she has some tales like these to tell.
/mark
Well, at least it wasn't "Ode to Joy" by Beethoven....
Sick As Hell Anemia=Sickle Cell Anemia
Smilin' Men In Jesus=Spinal Menningitis
Fireballs Of The Eucharist=Fibroids of the Uterus
And many others.
Pinging my humor ping list - freepmail me if you want on or off this list.
(This is usually a low volume ping, as I don’t search for humor threads, but I do ping when I find something really funny.)
Medical Terms
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Alternative Medical Terms
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Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited
You just took mine and changed the title!
You must be a brunette.
Now y’all er jist makin’ fun of how I talk.
;^D
Well, it was a tad (just a tad) large for the critter, and tended to bind his back legs, so he just stood on his back two legs and hopped around the living room, with his front legs only exposed from the elbows up - sorta looked like a tiny dayglo orange tailless tyrannasarus which'd had a terrible genetic labratory accident with a kangaroo. His wife and I busted up laughing so hard that Pete had to leave the room. In fact, he left the house... down the drive to the end and leaned against the back of his pickup, cause it hurt to laugh... but he could still hear us.
Being the great friend I am, I walked out of the house, mostly out of breath and tears running down my face from laughing, and asked Pete "you okay man?" He curled up even more, obviously caught in the dilema of laughing and hurting at the same time, and started up the street to get away from me.
Being the great friend I am, I followed him...
I would neva makes fun of tha way you talk.
For yer Sweetie Pie !!
Did you give him a hug to let him know how much you cared?
Pete, did you let him hug you?
ROFL! When I got home from emergency surgery, a friend gave me a hilarious book which I opened and read, and laughed so hard it blew all my stitches and I had to go back for more.
It’s funny now but I can’t tell it as funny as you!
Thanks for the LOL!
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