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Health Food Stores Particularly Vulnerable to Alien Attack
Weekly World News ^
| November 17, 2006
| Sam Zess
Posted on 12/20/2006 9:25:39 AM PST by Alex Murphy
WASHINGTON, D.C.--A new security initiative identifies one of the greatest dangers facing Americans today. "Health food stores carry fruits and vegetables exotic enough to be indistinguishable from extraterrestrial strains," said General Edward Nurance. "Even the shopkeepers can't always tell them apart."
"We're ripe for an invasion," he said.
Nurance warned that if alien pods were to pass undetected in the stores, the entire human species could perish and be replaced with the interloping plant life.
"We've been installing cameras and posting undercover guards at many U.S. shops," Nurance said.
"But to be honest, we're not sure what we're looking for," he admitted.
Security experts have increased their intake of ginseng, ginko biloba, and gotu kola in hopes of quickly devising a solution.
In the meantime, Nurance urges reduced consumption of fruits and vegetables for safety.
"Eat lots of dairy, and lots of red meat," he advised.
TOPICS: Conspiracy; Food; Humor; UFO's
KEYWORDS:
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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To: Xenalyte; Gamecock; AxelPaulsenJr; Calm_Cool_and_Elected; ksen; Zechariah_8_13; Thinkin' Gal; ...
To: Alex Murphy
3
posted on
12/20/2006 9:30:21 AM PST
by
conferencecaller
(A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
To: Alex Murphy
??
4
posted on
12/20/2006 9:33:20 AM PST
by
Tatze
(Tagline Free since May 2006)
To: Tatze
5
posted on
12/20/2006 9:33:49 AM PST
by
conferencecaller
(A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
To: Alex Murphy
iPod, Alien Pod -- big deal
6
posted on
12/20/2006 9:34:27 AM PST
by
pikachu
(Be alert -- we need more lerts!)
To: Tatze
"It's either a giant free range brussel sprout, or a large spliff."
To: Alex Murphy
8
posted on
12/20/2006 9:36:13 AM PST
by
cripplecreek
(Peace without victory is a temporary illusion.)
To: Alex Murphy
9
posted on
12/20/2006 9:36:33 AM PST
by
Muleteam1
To: Alex Murphy
Come quickly Lord Rutabaga!
10
posted on
12/20/2006 9:36:39 AM PST
by
Jaysun
(I've never paid for sex in my life. And that's really pissed off a lot of prostitutes.)
To: Alex Murphy
We need to militarize space now before these aliens overwhelm our ER rooms and take all the good paying jobs.
11
posted on
12/20/2006 9:37:35 AM PST
by
staytrue
To: cripplecreek
somebody's been eating too much wheat germ, is what I think.
12
posted on
12/20/2006 9:38:05 AM PST
by
conferencecaller
(A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
To: conferencecaller
Someone's been smoking to much wheat germ.
13
posted on
12/20/2006 9:39:05 AM PST
by
cripplecreek
(Peace without victory is a temporary illusion.)
To: Alex Murphy
14
posted on
12/20/2006 9:39:28 AM PST
by
BossLady
(Islamic Motto: We Love Our Women To Death........)
To: Alex Murphy
I, for one, welcome our new vegetable overlords.
15
posted on
12/20/2006 9:40:58 AM PST
by
Talking_Mouse
(wahhabi delenda est)
To: cripplecreek
or licked the Jerry Garcia stamp
16
posted on
12/20/2006 9:41:24 AM PST
by
conferencecaller
(A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
To: Alex Murphy
Maybe Bat Boy can save us. Does anyone have a pic?
17
posted on
12/20/2006 9:59:44 AM PST
by
steve8714
(Isn't Israel a sovereign nation?)
To: conferencecaller
They'll just be doing the jobs earthlings refuse to do.
18
posted on
12/20/2006 10:00:51 AM PST
by
steve8714
(Isn't Israel a sovereign nation?)
To: Alex Murphy
Pods? Pods? Who said Pods?
Extraterrestial food and aliens.
Oh, my gosh.
19
posted on
12/20/2006 10:12:08 AM PST
by
PeteB570
(Guns, what real men want for Christmas)
To: Alex Murphy
This durian tastes funny...
20
posted on
12/20/2006 10:27:23 AM PST
by
coloradan
(Failing to protect the liberties of your enemies establishes precedents that will reach to yourself.)
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