Posted on 02/04/2005 11:15:45 AM PST by TASMANIANRED
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly British Airways?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
What can I do to egg you on? Perhaps a bribe or an offer of fresh bakery goods from my own hands.
Don't forget the "CAUTION, CONTENTS MAY BE HOT" on the McDonald's coffee cup.
I've said for years that warning labels are the downfall of our society. The idiots are surviving and filing lawsuits everywhere...
If you are stupid enough to try to stop a chainsaw with your hands, you shouldn't breed.
I work for one of the regional Poison Centers.
Rule number 2 is there is always another stupid person.
At the poison center annual meeting a few years ago they went to Palm Springs CA. There were warnings on the doors of the hotel about the risk of the silica in the desert.
In California, there are warnings on bread wrappers about containing Carcinogens.
1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a lawnmower I had was a big label which read:
"WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING- THE BLADE IS TURNING!"
We once bought a grocery store pizza and the instruction were on the bottom, so we turned it upside down to see how long to cook it etc., and low and behold the first instruction was DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!
Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice…
My bathroom has inadequate ventilation and therefore, develops mold spots in the lower corners. I attempted to purchase a cleaner specifically designed to remove bathroom mold deposits. The directions on the product label stated, "Only use in well ventilated areas."
Seen on the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle: "Do not open here."
On a bottle of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face."
On a bottle of bathtub cleaner: For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.
On a container of lighter fluid: WARNING: Contents flammable!
On a bottle of hand lotion: Warning: Starts healing skin on contact.
On a box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!
Microwave popcorn is packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it. Direction #1 is Remove plastic.
On a television commercial that says it cleans dentures 4 times better. Below in small print it said "Lab test: (their product) vs. water.
On a television commercial I saw it said they their denture paste was better than any other. BELOW IT, it said in small letters, vs. using no adhesive.
I have a full-face motorcycle helmet with a giant arrow pointing to the front. I can only guess that some idiot put the helmet on backwards, jumped on a bike and hurt himself. This is to protect to manufacturer from future lawsuits.
One day I went to a wall-mart out of state and I went to buy a blow dryer when I read the warnings it said "DO NOT BLOW DRY IN SLEEP"
Seen on the back of a drink bottle label: "Do not peel label off."
On a Band-Aid box: "For serious injuries, seek medical attention."
On a can of powdered infant formula: "Mix with water before serving." Like I'm going to spoon it to my baby dry!
This stupid label was found on a can of Woolite carpet cleaner: "Safe for carpets, too!"
This label was found on the BOTTOM of a box of glass ornaments: "Do not turn upside down."
On a box of Frosted Cheerio's, the logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here."
On a plastic orange juice can: "100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate."
I once saw an ad for some type of contest on a candy bar. The wrapper said "No purchase necessary - Details Inside."
Directions for eating Lunchables Nachos: Dip chips in cheese and salsa.
The golf carts on the course I worked at have warning labels saying, "Not for highway use."
On Clorox Fresh Care: (for cleaning out odors from fabric) "Safe to use in households with pets Warning: Fresh Care is NOT intended to be sprayed directly on pets."
While working at a large medical center in the Midwest, a construction worker was admitted with a large hammer sticking out of his head. Seems he was in an altercation with another gentleman. On the side of the hammer were the words, 'Use protective eyewear.'
On the back of the Pilots seat on NATO AWAC Aircraft (E-3A), is a sign that states: "Seat must be facing forward for take off and landing."
I came upon a bottle of children's cough medicine stating "Caution: May cause drowsiness; do not drive or operate heavy machinery"
On the label of Sterno is a warning that says, "Do not use near fire or flame." Check it out!
Seen on a container of salt:
Warning: High in sodium
On a hose nozzle there was a warning that said: "Do not spray into electrical outlet."
Seen on an industrial size washer in our local laundry establishment was the (large lettered) sign: "Warning: Do not put any person in this washer."
There is also a stroller on the market with the warning, "Remove child before folding."
I saw a car ad depicting cars driving in the water with fins like sharks. At the end of the ad in small letters it read: "Caution, do not drive underwater"
Bwahahahaaaaa!
"On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)"
But if I tell you, the curiosity would compel you to rush right out and use it for the other use.
That wouldn't be very nice of me, now would it?....;)
I do not know what the other purpose could be unless it is the same one that the spin cycle on the washing machine replicates.
I bought an aluminum step ladder 20 years ago. Plastered with warnings. Last week, I saw the same ladder in the hardware store. YOu can not see the ladder for all the additional warning labels added in 20 years.
If it is so darn un-safe don't sell it!!!
The warnings on diaper rash ointment are enough to scare the wits out of you.
Nope.
It's another other use.
[I'm jerking your chain....I really have *no* idea what the other other is]....;))
Those warning labels are really slippery when they're wet.
[watch for another warning label warning label, soon]...:))
My vet recommended Aveeno diaper rash ointment for my dog's irritated skin.
Naturally, she licked it off.
It's a wonderful surprise laxative.
All diaper rash ointments make a wonderful surprise laxative it's the vaseline base.
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