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The Babylon Bee Presents: The 10 Commandments Of Wokeness
Babylon Bee ^ | 11/04/2021 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 11/04/2021 4:20:44 PM PDT by DFG

Thousands of years ago, God gave mankind his 10 Commandments which became the basis for law and Western Civilization. Unfortunately, it's been a long time since they were updated to be more suitable for modern audiences! NOT OK!

Thankfully, woke scholars have done just that! Here are the newly updated "woke" 10 Commandments.

1) Thou shalt have no other Gods before the all-powerful State (duh!)

2) Thou shalt not make for yourself any graven image (unless it's a giant bronze BLM raised fist you bow down to every morning)

3) Thou shalt not take the name of your Lord God in vain (unless you're reminding everyone that Jesus was actually a Socialist revolutionary)

4) Remember Pride Month, and keep it holy

5) Honor your father and your mother (unless they are evil MAGA racists. In that case, you should cancel them.)

6) Thou shalt not kill (Unless you're killing a fascist by beating them over the head with a "tolerance" sign)

7) Thou shalt not commit adultery (unless it's consensual)

8) Thou shalt not steal (unless you're looting a Nike shoe store for justice)

9) Thou shalt not bear false witness (unless you're living your truth!)

10) Thou shalt not covet (unless you are coveting the possessions of a rich white oppressor. Then, it's totally ok)


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; bidenvoters; commandments; wokeness

1 posted on 11/04/2021 4:20:44 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

No 6. Thou shall not kill unless it’s an unborn baby


2 posted on 11/04/2021 4:34:45 PM PDT by Nifster (I see puppy dogs in the clouds)
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To: DFG

bkmk


3 posted on 11/04/2021 4:36:55 PM PDT by sauropod
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To: DFG

Bkmk


4 posted on 11/04/2021 4:39:26 PM PDT by Mark17 (USAF ATCer, Retired. Father of USAF pilot. ATCers & pilots, the quintessential elements of aviation)
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To: DFG

open up concentration camps and call them vacation resorts...The gas ovens are tanning booths


5 posted on 11/04/2021 8:51:18 PM PDT by Hambone 1934 (Dems love playing Nazis.....The republicans love helping them)
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To: DFG
Ten Commandments of the Left:
I am your almighty Mother Earth, which have brought thee out of the primordial ooze, out of the laboratory of genetic variations. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me. (Evilution 20:2-3)
Thou shalt not make unto thee any politically incorrect image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth, which cast doubt or aspersions upon the unquestioned wisdom of enlightened woke gender-neutral liberal leaders. Instead, thou shalt bow down thyself to them to serve them as infallible, only-wise gods. For they are are zealous gods, visiting the 29 trillion dollar (and counting) debt placed upon fathers also upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that will still pay taxes. (Evilution 20:5)
Thou shalt not use politically incorrect names which thy woke gods Tweet in vain; for I will not hold him guiltless that useth these names that we disdain. However, use of profanity and vulgarity is obligatory. (Evilution 20:7)
Remember Earth day, to keep it holy. (Evilution 20:8)
Dishonour thy father and thy mother by not telling them you are beginning gender reassignment treatment, or are pregnant and getting an abortion, that thy days and or those of thy child may not be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. And promote same-sex unions, thereby perverting what father and mother is to represent. (Evilution 20:12)
Thou shalt murder thy unborn child, as a sacrifice to your almighty Mother Earth. And promote sodomy, the cause of HIV/AIDS in 80% of new cases among men. (Evilution 20:13)
Thou shalt commit adultery, by relations with those married to another, including those who took advantage of no fault divorce for any reason, including marriage entailing work, sacrifice, etc. And promote the use of The Pill, thereby making it easier to divorce. (Evilution 20:14)
Thou shalt certainly steal, from taking honor even from God, and from Founding Fathers, to shoplifting, employee theft, welfare fraud, etc. (Evilution 20:15)
Thou shalt bear false witness against thy neighbour, such as by falsely accusing them of racism and oppression due to the color of their skin. (Evilution 20:16)
Thou shalt covet thy neighbour’s house, and any thing that is thy politically incorrect neighbour’s - by claiming that those who possess what thou desire are your oppressors, which owe thee - as a victim - what they have earned, which thy liberal lavish gods promise to obtain for thee - but never at their own expense. (Exodus 20:17)

6 posted on 11/06/2021 5:27:17 AM PDT by daniel1212 ( Turn to the Lord Jesus as a damned+destitute sinner, trust Him to save + be baptized + follow Him!)
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To: DFG
Ten Commandments of the Left:
1. I am your almighty Mother Earth, which have brought thee out of the primordial ooze, out of the laboratory of genetic variations. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me - principally the "living and true God" of the Bible. (Evilution 20:2-3)
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any politically incorrect image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth, which cast doubt or aspersions upon the unquestioned wisdom of enlightened woke gender-neutral liberal leaders. Instead, thou shalt bow down thyself to them to serve them as infallible, only-wise gods. For they are are zealous gods, visiting the 29 trillion dollar (and counting) debt placed upon fathers also upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that will still pay taxes. (Evilution 20:5)
3. Thou shalt not use politically incorrect names which thy woke gods Tweet in vain; for I will not hold him guiltless that useth these names that we disdain. However, use of profanity and vulgarity is obligatory. (Evilution 20:7)
4. Remember Earth day, to keep it holy. (Evilution 20:8)
5. Dishonour thy father and thy mother by not telling them you are beginning gender reassignment treatment, or are pregnant and getting an abortion, that thy days and or those of thy child may not be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. And promote same-sex unions, thereby perverting what father and mother is to represent, in rebellion against the precepts and principles of the God of the Bible. And thereby also disdain all lawful authority. (Evilution 20:12)
6. Thou shalt murder thy unborn child, as a sacrifice to your almighty Mother Earth. And promote sodomy, the cause of HIV/AIDS in 80% of new cases among men. (Evilution 20:13)
6. Thou shalt commit adultery, by relations with those married to another, including those who took advantage of no fault divorce for any reason, including marriage entailing work, sacrifice, etc. And promote the use of The Pill, thereby making it easier to divorce. (Evilution 20:14)
7. Thou shalt certainly steal, from taking honor even from God, and from Founding Fathers, to shoplifting, employee theft, welfare fraud, etc. (Evilution 20:15)
8. Thou shalt bear false witness against thy neighbour, such as by falsely accusing them of racism and oppression due to the color of their skin. (Evilution 20:16)
9. Thou shalt covet...thy neighbour’s wife, for covenants - like the Constitution - are elastic and to be disregarded when they interfere with thy right to obtain what you lust for. (Evilution 20:17)
10. Thou shalt covet thy neighbour’s house, and any thing that is thy politically incorrect neighbour’s - by claiming that those who possess what thou desire are thy evil homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, xenophobic, racist oppressors, which owe thee - as a victim - what they have earned, which thy liberal lavish gods promise to obtain for thee - but never at their own expense. (Evilution 20:17)

7 posted on 11/06/2021 6:03:03 AM PDT by daniel1212 ( Turn to the Lord Jesus as a damned+destitute sinner, trust Him to save + be baptized + follow Him!)
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