Posted on 10/08/2020 4:08:28 AM PDT by DFG
In order to save lives and also because of science, Governor Gavin Newsom of California announced today that all restaurant food consumed in the state must come from an IV bag or feeding tube to ensure diners never have to remove their masks while dining.
"Unlike some people who hate science and want people to die, we here in California love science and don't want people to die," said Newsom during the announcement. "The most effective way in the world to prevent death is to wear a cloth on your face and never take it off, even when eating. This highly scientific new mandate will help Californians enjoy their food without ever removing their masks!"
Those who are looking for just a light snack will be able to insert a catheter directly into their veins and get a continuous drip of nutritional fluid. For those looking for a heartier meal like steak and potatoes, restaurants will now be required to put the entire meal in a blender and push it through a surgically installed feeding tube directly into the diner's stomach.
"We believe this is a modest and reasonable measure we all must take to ensure masks stay on and nobody ever dies ever again," said California Health Secretary Mark Ghaly. "Plus, it's totally scientific, which of course is the most important thing here."
Researchers in California confirmed they are working on a mask that can be surgically attached to a person's face so they will never have to worry about removing it again.
Love the title! But in California it really might happen.
Hey, they are giving Newsome ideas.
California would have mandated “Suppository Nutrition” not IV.
btt
gotta love the ‘Bee
Good idea. A few colonics and the people there might be able to think straight.
Had broken wired shut many moons ago...boxing injury had to eat through a straw for 6 weeks. Blender plus Carl’s Jr bacon double cheese burger :) and yes it tastes exactly like if you chewed it otherwise known as amazing. Knob Creek 100 proof and also margaritas go down the straw well too. Just saying
Had jaw wired shut. Dang Swype
I don’t doubt Governor Nuisance would approve of the suggestion. They’re all soy and vegetables anyway so they can always plop their food into a blender and have it IV’d.
The joke at the local cafe is that the waitress would feed me coffee IV, I drank so much of it.
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