Pelosi Breaks Rules, Blames Others

In defiance of California's statewide ban on indoor hair cuts, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) made an appointment to get a cut, shampoo, and blow out at her favorite salon. When word backed up by video evidence got out that she had done this despite her constant, obnoxious prattling about how others are obligated to obey the COVID-inspired social distancing, mask wearing, and shutdowns of nonessential businesses, she was rightfully mocked by nearly everyone. This prompted her to claim that "I did nothing wrong. I was set up and am owed an apology for being humiliated by a nobody who just happens to own a salon. I am the most important woman in America. I deserve respect."

Pelosi's stylist has defended the Speaker by pointing out that "she has been coming here every month during the whole time that salons were prohibited from serving customers. Why is this time different? Surely the previous ignored violations of the regulations have established a defacto right for her to ignore those regulations. The people criticizing her now are forgetting that 'rank has its privileges.' As this nation's most powerful woman I think she is rank enough to enjoy the privilege of an illicit hair cut."

San Francisco Mayor London Breed (D) also defended Pelosi's right to special exemption from the rules, saying that "Nancy Pelosi has done so much for this city and this country that she deserves the privilege to bypass the constraints that we have established for ordinary people. The real villain in this incident is Donald Trump. If it weren't for his dictatorship Gov. Newsom wouldn't have had to set regulations designed to strangle the state's economy in order to persuade voters to elect Vice-President Biden to replace Trump in the White House."

Since news of the Speaker's "mightier than thou" behavior went public ESalonSF owner Erica Kious has received hate text messages, death threats, and vows to burn her salon down. "My Yelp page is just unbelievable with bad reviews from people who have never been customers of my shop." She denied Pelosi's charge of a "set up" and asserted that "the key point in all this is if she's in there comfortably without a mask and feeling safe, then why are we shut down? Why am I not able to have clients come in?"

Fred Jones, counsel for the Professional Beauty Federation said "the deeper implication to Pelosi's visit is that an 80-year-old woman with access to incredible amounts of information felt comfortable being maskless in a hair salon. That clearly challenges the public pronouncements of the so-called health experts who have never provided any data or science justifying locking our industry down for six months."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

ESalonSF owner Erica Kious has received hate text messages, death threats, and vows to burn her salon down.
"My Yelp page is just unbelievable with bad reviews from people who have never been customers of my shop."

Oh that? Dont worry about it, Erica. They're all Paul Pelosi's girlfriends (Nancy's husband) helping him to stay on the federal gravy train.

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