Posted on 08/27/2020 4:33:25 PM PDT by DFG
CNN has been there from the beginning, always running toward the important stories and absolutely never covering them up. We went through CNN's archives and dug up these 14 headlines they published while covering some of the most significant events of human history. They are truly a bastion of truth and honesty in journalism.
2348 BC: Watery But Mostly Peaceful Flood Destroys Earth
1025 BC: David Circumcises 200 Philistines In Mostly Painless Medical Procedure
33 AD: Mostly Peaceful Crowd Demands Jesus Be Crucified
79 AD: Fiery But Mostly Dormant Mount Vesuvius Erupts
1235 AD: Genghis Khan Attacks China In Mostly Pacifist Invasion
1347 AD: Black Death Peacefully Kills Millions, Trump To Blame
1453 AD: Constantinople Liberated By Religion Of Mostly Peace
1937 AD: Hindenburg Has Mostly Pleasant Flight
1945 AD: America Drops Two Mostly Peaceful Nuclear Bombs On Japan
1959 AD: Chinese Citizens Mostly Don't Starve To Death In Great Famine
1986 AD: USSR Reactor At Chernobyl Mostly Not Exploded
1997 AD: McDonald's Unveils Mostly Functional McFlurry Machine
2008 AD: Obama Runs Mostly Scandal-Free Administration
2017 AD: The Last Jedi Mostly Not A Terrible Movie
Great job, CNN!
Funny
It looks like no one at Babylon Bee knows anything that happened between the fall of Constantinople and the 20th century.
You forgot a couple: 1066, England mostly invaded by William the conqueror; 1845, Potato Famine mostly bad for Ireland.
Most people completely happy under Soviet rule, and almost no one complains.
Well, as good Medievalist friends tell me, Nothing much happened after 1500.
AD 1912: The RMS Titanic has mostly smooth maiden voyage across the Atlantic Ocean.
-PJ
bttt
Yes, only insignificant events like the French Revolution and the Age of Enlightenment and the founding of America, and the Industrial Revolution, events which had no impact on the future at all.
Well, they would’ve reported that poor Henry the Eighth, a great romantic, fell in love. But he had some unfortunate marital problems with most of his wives.
I’m sure CNN would point out the fact that they WERE white women.
Yeah no kidding.
Thats what you get for not teaching history anymore.
1776-1787 - the american colonies break away from Britain in a mostly peaceful revolution
1861-65 - the southern stages fail to leave the union, in a mostly peaceful civil war
Ah, yes, the Godless Endarkenment, the French Reign of Terror (which inspired the Communist revolution), and the coal mine and assembly line enslavement of the Industrial Revolution, not to mention the wars and genocide of the 20th century, or the infanticide of modern America. OK, so the development of a middle class and of modern medicine are good things, but sometimes the spiritual and intellectual construct of the Medieval universe looks pretty good.
Can you PROVE that it didn’t happen? - Criswell (Plan 9 From Outer Space)
Britain and France play a mostly peaceful “Dodge Ball” match at Waterloo, Belgium! Germany was the Umpire. Britain won but Participation trophies were given to all.
1975: Cambodia has a mostly peaceful transition of power to Pol Pot. Eyeglass sales fall precipitously.
Love it...
Sure
If they were running “stories” on what a warmongering country the usa is
1937 AD: Hindenburg Has Mostly Pleasant Flight
This is brilliant: one of the most hilarious things I have seen in a while...
Thanks for posting it.
Those people at The Babylon Bee are talented!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.