Posted on 10/13/2019 10:38:14 AM PDT by John Semmens
This week at CNN’s “Equality Town Hall” inspired several of the Democratic Party’s 2020 presidential contenders to advocate some bad ideas.
Former Texas Rep. Beto O’Rourke vowed to “strip tax-exempt status from any religious organization that refuses to recognize gay marriage. In fact, this will be one of my top priorities as president. The Supreme Court has ruled that same-sex marriage is just as valid as a traditional marriage between a man and a woman. No one has a constitutional right to oppose this. Any who do must be punished. Imposing taxes on churches and siccing the IRS after them would be the most merciful tool for achieving compliance. You know, we could learn a thing or two from how China handles religious deviations from its policies. In China, churches must get government approval before anyone can be a priest or minister. This strikes me as the ultimate safeguard for ensuring obedience to the government’s wishes. Maybe we should make this a requirement in our country.”
Former Vice-President Joe Biden averred that “same-sex marriage is the perfect remedy for alleviating the health threat posed by gay bathhouses. Before gay marriages were the law of the land, gay men were forced to look for love with anonymous strangers in round-the-clock sex orgies at these bathhouses. Now they can practice safe sex with a committed long term partner. I’d call that a major step forward toward a healthier America.”
Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren acknowledged “the solid reasoning of my colleagues,” but chided them for “overlooking the need to broaden our concept of marriage to cover the 30+ different genders that have recently been discovered. Every person has the right to be any sex he or she wants and to marry any other person of any gender. We will need to craft laws to deal with all the potential combinations. Even if we restrict marriage to two individuals there are nearly 1,000 possible types of marriage that will need to be codified. However, I wonder if such a restriction might be too narrow-minded. Who says a marriage has to be between only two people?”
The Senator also took the occasion to announce that “prison inmates are entitled to gender reassignment surgery.” This position contradicts her 2012 opposition to using taxpayer money to fund such surgeries. “I was wrong then,” she admitted. “My error can be blamed on the false premise that there can be any money that is not rightfully the property of the government. I was mindlessly thinking ‘why should taxpayers foot this bill.’ I now know that the correct way of thinking is that any money not taken from taxpayers is a gift from the government. No one is entitled to expect a gift. It is the government’s right and duty to use whatever funds are necessary to heal these suffering individuals. Reshaping their genitals is a small down payment on what society owes them.”
To help her with issues like these, Warren promised to consult with nine-year-old transgender Jacob Lemay. “An individual to be so wise at such a young age and brave enough to take action to escape the erroneous body he was born with is the kind of adviser every president needs to forge the transformation our country needs,” the Senator maintained. “For more than 200 years presidents have sought out old white men for these crucial roles. I intend to break away from that stilted practice and get ideas and inspiration from those unconstrained by the out-dated reality of the past.”
In related news, Warren promised to give “back pay” to illegal aliens. She brushed off criticism that “this, like my other plans is ‘communistic,” by reminding these critics that “they are neglecting to admit that under communism in Russia and China no student has to pay for college, no one has to pay for health care, the government provides adequate housing for everyone, and people cheerfully line up to buy the low-cost food the state supplies to all.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
https://azconservative.org/2019/10/12/nba-distances-itself-from-hong-kong-proteste/
a pretty good percentage of our population agrees with this crap.
Whole lotta stoopids.
I think they are not American. They are terrorists who want to invade our institutions with perversity and diseases. They are Satan’s servants. Could we exchange them for some immigrants that want to work for the American dream?
Becoming tougher to do your job, I see.
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