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Mueller Investigating Trump’s Complaints About Sessions [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 March 2018 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/03/2018 10:57:22 AM PST by John Semmens

President Trump’s repeated expressions of his dissatisfaction with Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ job performance is said to have opened a new avenue of investigation for Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s probe into Russian interference with the 2016 election.

“We have two alternate theories we can pursue,” Mueller is reputed to have told his team. “On the one hand, Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation. This is prima facie evidence that he has something to hide. Could that something be knowledge of Russian collusion? Could Trump’s public bullying of his Attorney General be an attempt to intimidate him into keeping silent?”

“On the other hand, isn’t Trump’s attempt to push the Attorney General into an action he prefers not to take evidence of abuse of power?” Mueller continued. “Take Trump’s insistence that the Department of Justice investigate Hillary Clinton and former President Obama. Former FBI Director James Comey already investigated Secretary Clinton and found her not guilty. Wouldn’t reopening the case constitute double jeopardy? And President Obama has already denied any wrongdoing. Trump’s implication that his predecessor might be lying isn’t the way we treat former presidents. It’s destabilizing. It suggests that Trump himself may be a domestic enemy of our form of government.”

While Mueller is said to have instructed his team to pursue both theories, he admitted that “we won’t get much traction with theories alone. Media hype can only take us so far. We need a triggering event. The most obvious trigger would be for Trump to fire Sessions. Given the dirt we have in Sessions’ file plus the grievance he will feel against the man who lured him from his cozy seat in the Senate only to fire him a year later I’m pretty sure we can persuade him to cooperate with us. After all, Sessions has told friends that ‘working with Trump is the most humiliating experience in decades of public life.’”

In related news, Sirius XM radio host Mark Thompson complained that “Mueller is overlooking the fact that criticizing the FBI is itself seditious. It attacks the very foundation of our government. By impugning the reputation of this great agency Trump, Nunes, Grassley, almost the entire Republican Party, are clearly guilty of trying to undermine our form of government. If I were Mueller I’d have all these guys arrested and put Obama back on the throne.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://azconservative.org/2018/03/03/mueller-investigating-trumps-complaints-about-sessions/


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: clickbait; mueller; satire; sessions; trump

1 posted on 03/03/2018 10:57:22 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Best one I’ve read so far. Good job !


2 posted on 03/03/2018 11:06:14 AM PST by UCANSEE2 (Lost my tagline on Flight MH370. Sorry for the inconvenience.)
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To: John Semmens

How is this satire? It’s the game plan of all dems and of pubs who don’t like an outsider draining their swamp.


3 posted on 03/03/2018 11:11:26 AM PST by grania (Deplorable and Proud of It!)
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To: grania

Being discussed right now on Fox.


4 posted on 03/03/2018 2:24:31 PM PST by hsmomx3
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To: John Semmens

Mueller still playing blind folded dart game.
Media left higher lower...............................


5 posted on 03/03/2018 3:33:00 PM PST by Vaduz (women and children to be impacIQ of chimpsted the most.)
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