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State Department Warns Israel Not to Inconvenience Palestinians [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 June 2016 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/11/2016 11:24:00 AM PDT by John Semmens

Mark Toner, spokesman for the US State Department, issued a statement condemning the terrorist attack on a shopping mall that killed four Israelis, but simultaneously warned Israel to "not overreact."

In an effort to beef up security in response to the attack, the Israeli government rescinded 83,000 permits for Palestinians to visit relatives in Israel during Ramadan and sent an additional 600 troops to the West Bank where they will man border checkpoints and conduct raids against suspected terrorists.

"That four innocent shoppers were murdered is tragic, but we want to caution the Israeli government against taking measures that might inconvenience a far greater number of Palestinians," Toner said. "The total time lost due to more stringent security checks on Palestinians who want to visit Israel could very easily dwarf the number of life-years lost by those slain in the attack. This would be a disproportionate response."

"The region has been an area of tensions since Jews appropriated formerly Muslim territory in 1948," Toner contended. "That ended 1200 years of relative peace under Islamic rule. We cannot begrudge Muslim efforts to reestablish what might be considered a 'golden age.' We wish their methods were less violent, but we must not allow our prejudices against their methods to blind us to the merits of their cause."

The murders were followed by widespread celebrations—including chanting, fireworks, and the waving of Palestinian flags in the West Bank. Hamas spokesman Hussam Badran praised the attack as "the fulfillment of first prophecy of Ramadan" and "evidence of the failure of Jewish occupation of Palestinian land." Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas issued a confusing statement "rejecting attacks on civilians no matter how justified they may be in retaliation for continued Zionist incursions on what has historically been Muslim territory."

In other State Department news, Toner defended the agency's estimate that it would take 75 years to process and release all of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's emails. "Look, everyone knows how unmotivated government workers are," Toner reminded. "Getting a decent day's work out of the slugs who clog the bureaucracy is next to impossible. So, I'd call 75 years an optimistic estimate. Obviously, the purposes to which access to these emails might serve would be a moot issue by the time the job is done. So why start?"

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,211288.0.html


TOPICS: Government; History; Politics; Religion
KEYWORDS: israel; muslims; satire; terrorists

1 posted on 06/11/2016 11:24:00 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Pathetic double-standard regarding Israel’s right to defend the lives of it’s citizens...


2 posted on 06/11/2016 11:28:23 AM PDT by Netz
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To: John Semmens

In 224 days this administration will be done and nobody will be happier than me. This kind of crap, like scolding Israel for trying to defend itself, will then be over, unless people vote for Hillary.


3 posted on 06/11/2016 4:50:24 PM PDT by maxwellsmart_agent (EEe)
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