My Wife is Mentally Ill continuation

Since my last update things have soured once again. My wife was hospitalized for two weeks and was telling her shrink and counselor that we are going through a divorce. We weren’t at the time but we are now.

She has been very adamant that she wants a divorce and I’ve given up on trying anymore. I realize that I will be free of the hellish life of worry and grief. Once again she states she has been seeing angels and demons, and inanimate objects being moved around by ghosts.

I delayed filing the petition for divorce because I knew she wasn’t in her right mind. She continued to press me on when I was going to do it so I filed on Monday. She filed her response on Wednesday.

She called me at lunch today to tell me that she is happy we are divorcing. She says we’ve always been incompatible as husband and wife and also anatomically. I was a little thrown off by that so I asked her if she was becoming a lesbian to which she replied she wasn’t. She did tell me that someone else had asked her to marry him and she accepted. I didn’t ask who it was but did mention things like who will be the maid of honor etc. She said that it is complicated because Michael asked her to marry him. By Michael she meant the Arch-Angel. She said she is torn as to whether she will stay in Texas or move back to Philly. If she moves to Philly she has a life long friend that said she could live with her. I’ve begun putting my departure plan into motion (acquiring things I will need) and have set a rather ambitious goal of this January. If all goes smoothly the divorce will be final by the end of May. She will continue to have medical coverage along with a portion of my retirement pay. Our kids haven’t said much about it yet. One has stated that she doubts we will actually get divorced. I have had mixed feelings about the whole thing. On one hand I am saddened that it has come to this. On the other hand I am relieved that I will be free of an unhappy life and constantly being on guard for her next episode. Twenty-seven years of marriage of which nineteen have been like this has been rough. Seventy percent of my married life has been spent dealing with her mental illness. I can’t continue to do it as I feel too drained to do so.

hypothyroidism wikipedia source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symptoms_and_signs_of_Graves’_disease

Anxiety syndromes related to hyperthyroidism are typically complicated by major depression and cognitive decline, such as in memory and attention

Overall, reported symptoms vary from mild to severe aspects of anxiety or depression, and may include psychotic and behavioural disturbances:

Varying degrees of anxiety,[24] such as a very active mind,[4]irritability,[24] hyperactivity, agitation, restlessness, nervousness, distractible overactivity[36] and panic attacks.[37] In addition patients may experience vivid dreams and, occasionally, nightmares.
Depressive features of mental impairment, memory lapses,[24] diminished attention span,[24] fluctuating depression[36][38]
Emotional lability and in some patients hypomania,.[39]
The pathological well-being (euphoria) or hyperactivity may produce a state of exhaustion, and profound fatigue or asthenia chiefly characterizes the picture.[4]
Erratic behaviour may include intermittent rage disorder and mild attention deficit disorder,.[40] Some patients become hyperirritable and combative, which can precipitate accidents or even assaultive behaviour.[4]
In more extreme cases features of psychosis,[41] with delusions of persecution or delusions of reference,[42] and pressure of speech may present themselves. Rarely, patients develop visual or auditory hallucinations or a frank psychosis,[4] and may appear schizophrenic, lose touch with reality and become delirious,[2][36] Such psychotic symptoms may not completely clear up after the hyperthyroidism has been treated.[4] Paranoia and paranoid-hallucionary psychosis in hyperthyroidism usually have a manic disposition and it is therefore often not clear if the patient is experiencing a paranoid psychosis with depressive streaks, or a depression that has paranoid streaks.[2]

Treatment of hyperthyroidism typically leads to improvement in cognitive and behavioral impairments.[30] Agitation, inattention, and frontal lobe impairment may improve more rapidly than other cognitive functions. However, several studies confirm that a substantial proportion of patients with hyperthyroidism have psychiatric disorders or mental symptoms and decreased quality of life even after successful treatment of their hyperthyroidism.[24]

There are new options in psychiatry in the field of genotyping. My wife is a psychiatrist and I am a neuroscientist, so I have been following the research presentations at the American Psychiatric Association conferences for several years.

It’s amazing research and beginning to become available commercially.

Here is an older article that is pretty simple to understand: Genotyping and the Future of Psychiatric Treatment http://www.hcplive.com/conference-coverage/nei-2013/genotyping-and-the-future-of-psychiatric-treatment—

She has repeatedly asked me when I am going to file the petition for divorce. I filed it this past Monday and she filed her response on Wednesday. We’ve done the paperwork ourselves so no lawyers are involved.

When she turned in her response she asked the clerk if we had to go to court and was told that as long as we both agree to everything in the final decree and sign it in front of a notary there won’t even be a hearing. So far we agree on everything. I’m keeping my fingers crossed though.

A divorce is an rational civil response to her behavior. You can stay married in the spirit by remaining single afterwards if you believe you are bound by oath; but a civil divorce reduces many areas of vulnerability for you and may eventually help clarify her own issues separate from what she projects onto you.

Keep in mind that she may transfer her dependence issues to your grown children. They will then be tasked with trying to guide her to seek proper medical care.

An earlier post mentioned hyperthyroid illness. This illness is much more common than general or family medical practitioners seem to realize, especially among people with an Irish genes, and is quite hard for many physicians to recognize, properly diagnose and treat; but treatment is possible, and some years of effort (and the proper type of thyroid medication for the individual) does relieve many symptoms.

Alcohol abuse is also at the heart of many problems that may look like mental health problems alone; but in fact the alcohol abuse is the accelerant to unacceptable behavior, denial and chronic delusional thinking.

One other avenue to try is the multidisciplinary approach by practitioners such as the Lawlis Peavey PsychoNeuroPlasticity (PNP) Center in Lewisville, TX. I am not personally familiar with their work; however, Dr. Lawlis has been an advisor to Dr. Phil McGraw for many years, indicating that his clinic may have been well vetted by such exposure. It offers in-depth testing and diagnosis. The initial assessment is rigorous and expensive (around $8,000), but considering the cost of misdiagnosis extending over a period of years, it may be a good option.

I had a difficult-to-diagnose condition that looked like many other things, and it took years to get a good diagnosis and then more years to get the right treatment. I will never be able to recoup the material losses from the initial wrong diagnoses.

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