Dem Candidates Promise New Freedom [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Oct 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

This week's debate among Democrats vying for their Party's presidential nomination inspired a bidding war as to which of them could promise more "free stuff" to voters.

Sen Bernie Sanders (Vt) vowed to eliminate the need for money. "Too many people are barred from having what they want by the fact that they lack the money to purchase it," Sanders lamented. "Billionaires like Donald Trump never have to face such deprivation. Why should poorer Americans be denied the same rights? When I'm president all merchandise will be free."

Rival candidate Hillary Clinton averred that "while I agree with Senator Sanders in principle, I'm not sure doing away with money is feasible. I believe a more practical approach would be for the government to simply provide money to those who need it. That way we can maintain the traditional mechanisms of our society. Whether this money is confiscated from the rich or whether it is created by the Federal Reserve is a question to be answered by experts at a later date."

Former Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley insisted that he "would have come up with a similarly brilliant idea if I had gotten the chance to speak first. Since I wasn't given that opportunity I'm stuck with saying 'me too.'"

Former Rhode Island Gov. Lincoln Chafee pointed out that "unlike any of the other candidates in either Party, I am named after Abraham Lincoln—the Great Emancipator. I think this establishes a modicum of credibility that I could achieve the emancipation of wage-slavery that the American people really need."

Former Virginia Sen. Jim Webb was widely booed by the audience when he admitted that "I don't have the facts and figures to refute what everyone else is saying, but it makes me a bit uneasy. Is it really possible to give everyone everything he wants without him having to lift a finger?"

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/184996-2015-10-16-semi-news-semi-satire-october-18-2015-edition.htm

[John Semmens]

ping

[LMAO]

Over time, this may no longer be satire

[UCANSEE2]

I didn’t watch the debate, so I appreciate your Freeper’s Digest Condensed Version of it.

[TChad]

Groovy.

[sickoflibs]

RE:”Sen Bernie Sanders (Vt) vowed to eliminate the need for money. “Too many people are barred from having what they want by the fact that they lack the money to purchase it,” Sanders lamented. “Billionaires like Donald Trump never have to face such deprivation. Why should poorer Americans be denied the same rights? When I'm president all merchandise will be free.”
Rival candidate Hillary Clinton averred that “while I agree with Senator Sanders in principle, I'm not sure doing away with money is feasible. I believe a more practical approach would be for the government to simply provide money to those who need it. That way we can maintain the traditional mechanisms of our society. Whether this money is confiscated from the rich or whether it is created by the Federal Reserve is a question to be answered by experts at a later date.”

Well done as usual. Well put.

[rawcatslyentist]

Satire for such a short time!

[jennings2004]

Uuuuuuuuuhhhhh, John, you left out the satire!

[fatnotlazy]

This would be hilarious if it wasn’t so close to the truth. These candidates promise all sorts of freebies, but they aren’t going to tell the voter he or she will be the one paying for it all. I can’t tell if these candidates are really that stupid or they think we are all so stupid, we would fall for these bogus promises.

Anyway, thank you for the ping. Brilliant as usual.

[ReformationFan]

Brilliant but not satire. More like an accurate depiction of what these people think and believe.

[Chode]

EBT cards for EVERYBODY!!! EBT Nation writ large...

[Movemout]

superb

[dynachrome]

You forgot about the unicorns crapping out rainbow skittles for everyone! haha