DOJ Declines to Pursue Email Controversy [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Sep 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The Department of Justice says it will not pursue an investigation of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email account for the transmission of classified government documents.

“On paper it looks like Secretary Clinton broke the law,” Attorney General Loretta Lynch admitted. “Juxtaposed to this, however, we have to consider the fact that President Obama gave his permission for Mrs. Clinton to use her private email system. Since he is the superior and she is the subordinate she cannot be held liable for merely following orders. To do so would seriously degrade discipline, obedience, and loyalty throughout the Executive Branch of our government. That would be a greater evil than Mrs. Clinton’s nominal violation of the law.”

Lynch also declined to pursue possible charges against Clinton aide Huma Abedin despite a State Department Inspector General’s report indicating her possible embezzlement of federal funds, saying that “the amount involved appears too small to warrant the expense of further investigation. The $10,000 that was stolen would be dwarfed by the cost of further inquiry. Simply writing off the loss is the more frugal course of action.”

In related news, Clinton told a crowd at a campaign rally that she “will put employers who steal the labor of the working class behind bars. All the value of the goods and services in the economy is created by the efforts of the workers. If I’m elected president, employers who try to deny workers the full value of their labor and who try to expropriate this value for their own profit will be punished.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2015/09/12/administration-doctoring-isis-intel/

[justrepublican]

what rule of law?

[Mr. K]

There is only one reason - she’s not Republican