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Obama Admin to Investigate Killing of Lion in Zimbabwe [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2015 | John Semmens

Posted on 07/31/2015 4:20:03 PM PDT by John Semmens

Director of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Dan Ashe announced that his agency has opened an investigation of the "tragic killing" of Cecil the lion by American dentist Walter Palmer. Cecil was a major attraction at the Hwange National Park in Matabeleland North, Zimbabwe. Palmer reportedly paid some locals $50,000 to lure the lion outside the park. Palmer then killed the lion with an arrow.

Ashe characterized the killing as "a senseless act of cruelty against an innocent animal. It has shocked the world in a way that no other act has in recent memory. It is imperative that swift and severe repercussions be meted out lest others be emboldened to carry out similar atrocities."

The enthusiasm with which the Administration has taken up the cause of justice for Cecil stands in stark contrast to its more blasé attitude toward recent revelations of the ghoulish activities undertaken by Planned Parenthood, where organs harvested from abortions are covertly sold.

Press Secretary Josh Earnest attempted to explain the disparity by insisting that "the President is persuaded that Planned Parenthood has always acted with the utmost integrity and compassion. This organization's selfless concern for the welfare of women is nothing like the crass selfishness displayed by Dr. Palmer. He killed this lion for personal pleasure. Planned Parenthood repurposes unwanted human tissue for the benefit of mankind."

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) concurred in Earnest's assessment and called efforts to defund Planned Parenthood "a distraction from the more serious matter of animal abuse exemplified by Dr. Palmer. It is essential that we do everything in our power to protect species endangered by human encroachment on their habitat. In this regard, Planned Parenthood's termination of surplus humans must be seen as a crucial component of the battle against climate change. That some would seek to penalize this great organization by withdrawing taxpayer support just because they are seeking another revenue source by selling discarded fetuses is criminal."

Senate Republican Mark Kirk (Illinois) called the uproar over Planned Parenthood's trafficking in human baby parts "illogical. If an abortion is merely the exaction of unwanted tissue, how can the sale of this medical waste be wrong? I can't really grasp why people are getting so upset about it. Any extra revenues Planned Parenthood can obtain in this manner reduces the burden we're obliged to impose on taxpayers to fund the organization."

In related news, Sen Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) sent out a fund-raising email asking supporters to donate to her reelection campaign so she "can continue to battle against those who would use Planned Parenthood's 'good faith effort' to secure its financial well-being through the sale of what would otherwise just be thrown in the trash. If you value the role Planned Parenthood has played in our goal of achieving a more caring community please make a contribution today."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/180867-2015-07-31-semi-news-semi-satire-august-2-2015-edition.htm


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: abortion; africa; cecilthelion; cruelty; inhumane; minnesota; satire; zimbabwe

1 posted on 07/31/2015 4:20:03 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 07/31/2015 4:21:39 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Just because the boy comes from Kenya, I don’t think that gives him the authority to send his regime to Zimbabwe to investigate anything. If Barry and the whining, crybaby Cecil lovers want to do something, they should hold a bake sale and car wash and send the money to Zimbabwe so the people there can buy some food and clean water. Jerks!!!


3 posted on 07/31/2015 4:26:23 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Stop the DemocRATS' War On Babies! Vote conservative.)
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To: John Semmens

...and while your ‘minions’ are looking into the lion killing, maybe they’ll find your REAL birth certificate....


4 posted on 07/31/2015 4:35:12 PM PDT by HarleyLady27 (Send 'slob boy of the oval office' back to Kenya ASAP, and save America...)
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To: John Semmens

Will they investigate the 60 million dead in a holocaust?


5 posted on 07/31/2015 4:36:42 PM PDT by WENDLE (Make America great again.)
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To: John Semmens
Planned Parenthood repurposes unwanted human tissue for the benefit of mankind."

Yeah, where would we be without having her in a lambo to look at.

6 posted on 07/31/2015 4:38:08 PM PDT by rawcatslyentist (Genesis 1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed,)
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To: John Semmens
Only lions with manges of #Black Lives Matter
7 posted on 07/31/2015 4:38:18 PM PDT by urbanpovertylawcenter (the law and poverty collide in an urban setting and sparks fly)
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To: John Semmens

Dead lions bad

Dead babies-——————meh!

So doj will investigate...........the video makers. Baby LRU (line replacement unit)suppliers? Who cares? Just tissue masses for valuable research.


8 posted on 07/31/2015 4:49:01 PM PDT by rktman (Served in the Navy to protect the rights of those that want to take some of mine away. Odd, eh?)
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To: John Semmens
Harder and harder to find the line where the satire starts, but you know that...

Another good one, John!

9 posted on 07/31/2015 5:08:54 PM PDT by dayglored (Meditate for twenty minutes every day, unless you are too busy, in which case meditate for an hour.)
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To: John Semmens

Probably should have “medical waste” sent to Kirk and Gillibrand as “donations” so they can personally support PP efforts.


10 posted on 07/31/2015 6:43:23 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet (The cunning Venezuelan gov't has eliminated the toilet paper shortage by creating a food shortage.)
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To: John Semmens
Planned Parenthood repurposes unwanted human tissue for the benefit of mankind.

Ask the tissue at age 18 whether or not it wants to be repurposed.

11 posted on 08/01/2015 12:16:22 AM PDT by TChad
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To: rktman
Dead lions bad. Dead babies-——————meh!

Reminds me of a terrible, gross joke that I heard while in elementary school. I admit that at the age of eight I thought this was funny:

Q: What's worse than a truckload of dead babies?

(Questioner pauses. No one ever answers, since they can't think of anything worse than a truckload of dead babies. So, the questioner answers the question himself.)

A: Unloading them with pitchforks!

Fast forward to 2015:

Q: What's worse than a truckload of dead babies?

(The person asked answers immediately.)

A: What's wrong with a truckload of dead babies?


12 posted on 08/01/2015 12:35:01 AM PDT by TChad
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To: John Semmens

Thanks again for the ping.


13 posted on 08/01/2015 4:47:54 AM PDT by fatnotlazy
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To: TChad

Current day you should have specified “A liberal immediately speaks up with ‘——’”. :>}


14 posted on 08/01/2015 7:47:47 AM PDT by rktman (Served in the Navy to protect the rights of those that want to take some of mine away. Odd, eh?)
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To: rktman

You’re right.


15 posted on 08/01/2015 10:59:56 PM PDT by TChad
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