Posted on 09/26/2014 10:12:03 AM PDT by smoothsailing
September 25, 2014
An organization that celebrates facial hair is “deeply saddened” by Attorney General Eric Holder’s resignation.
A spokesman for the American Mustache Institute — which, per its website, protects “the rights of” and “fights discrimination against mustached Americans” — tells ITK exclusively, “As the first Mustached American US Atty. Gen. since Francis Biddle in 1948, we are deeply saddened to see Mr. Holder step down.”
Holder, 63, announced his resignation on Thursday, saying in a press conference at the White House, “In the months ahead, I will leave the Department of Justice, but I will never — I will never leave the work.”
Holder has sported facial hair throughout his public life.
“Barring the appointment of another hirsute Attorney General, President Obama runs the risk of holding the dubious distinction of having an entirely bald faced Presidential Cabinet,” American Mustache Institute President Adam Causgrove said in an email. ( ITK wishes to note that Labor Secretary Thomas Perez has been known to exhibit a thin goatee.)
“It is, indeed, a sad day for those of us actively engaged in mustachery, but we know there are qualified individuals who would be up to the task before them. We can only hope that individual sports a ruggedly girthy lower-nose forestry unit,” Causgrove said.
Spokesman Aaron Perlut told us the hope is that whoever steps in for Holder “is not only wise, and a great adjudicator of our nation's laws, but is a good-looking person of facial hair as well.”
A number of possible replacements for Holder have been floated, including the salt-and-pepper-stached Solicitor General Donald Verrilli.
But the Institute has its own famously full-follicled suggestion: “We have word that Tom Selleck is up to the task.”
We once lived in a country where it was fun and clever and lighthearted to laugh at such triviality.
I don’t believe that is the current state of affairs.
Perhaps it is because Holder mustache all incriminating documents before leaving the DOJ...
Well, they should be happy that Alex Trebek has grown his moustache back.
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