Truth from Parents of Children Who Died

Single Dad Laughing ^

[republicangel]

A couple weeks ago, I was out to lunch with an old friend of mine. This friend lost his young son in a car accident a couple years ago, and we got to talking about parenting and how life has been for him as a dad ever since.

As a dad, I can only tell you that my heart was ripped in two as he told me not just how he has had to find his own peace with it, but how he wished that there was a place he could share some of the things he’s learned from it all with other parents.

We talked about my blog and I asked him if he thought it would be a good way to collect and share the thoughts of parents who have had children die. He thought it was a great idea and didn’t just approve of it, he told me he wanted it. So, together we came up with three questions to ask.

What do you wish you would have known as a parent?

What do you wish you would have done differently asa parent?

And, what are you are thankful you made sure to do as a parent?

[republicangel]

We all need to be reminded every now and then...

[PetroniusMaximus]

ping

[Obadiah]

It's heartbreaking reading some of the comments. Here, as in all the movies, death is assumed to be absolute and final, ceasing to exist. This frame of reference can only provoke profound sadness that I simply don't understand how people can cope with.

We are eternal creatures made in the image of the One who created us. Upon physical death we all pass on to another life. For those who have a personal relationship with their Creator eternal life is spent in unending joy, delight, and happiness.

[LittleBillyInfidel]

Agreed. I just don’t see how these questions are somehow pertaining to parents who have lost children. These questions are fundamentally applicable to all parents.

[PowderMonkey]

Yup. Went through that recently, while closing down the house and moving away. I met a guy at the local landfill, while tossing away stuff my son had hung on to for over 20 years, and had left to me to clean up all by my lonesome. I was sweating and straining, and grumbling about how angry I was at my boy for leaving me all this stuff he neglected to clean up and toss out. I was absolutely livid. This guy said to me, "Aw, don't be mad at your boy. Life's too short for that. I wish my boy was still around. Little gal' of about sixteen killed him in an auto accident 'couple months back." I was speechless. It was a heartbreaking moment, that made all my problems trivial by comparison. As we stood there talking about our respective sons, it was revealed he was a recent arrival to the area, and had come from the very same place where I was headed. It was like we were mirror images, changing places. We were both about the same age, and same stage in life, as were our sons. Both our boys had shared the same interests. The similarities between us were numerous and quite startling.

There are some moments in life when you simply cannot deny that the Good Lord has guided your footsteps to people He wants you to meet, and to situations He wants you to experience. I've certainly had my share over the years. Accordingly, when the guy at the landfill asked if he could have some of the "junk" my boy left behind; the broken toys, sports gear, and ephemera of his own son's childhood that I was about to toss into the crusher, I gladly consented. As I watched him silently walk away, looking down at the stuff cradled in his arms as if he was carrying his lost boy, the landfill's giant trash compactor roared to life and began crushing the accumulated memories of other people's lifetimes. Those are moments, sights, and sounds that stay with you always.

[Ditter]

The thing I learned was that every parent feels responsible for their childs death. No matter how, where or when, the parent feels responsible.

[Marie Antoinette]

Thank you for sharing that, it was deeply moving.

[IronJack]

That is a profound and touching story. It is to your credit that you recognized the moment for the epiphany it offered.

[Mama Shawna]

Wow. That made me cry. I’ll be giving my boys extra hugs today!

[AZHSer]

Thank you for posting this. Monday will be the 5 year anniversary of my 18 year old son’s suicide. You always know other people have had losses but it helps to hear it from them. What helped me the most was knowing he loved the Lord. And all the good things that happened afterwards. The one that effected us the most was our funeral director. She reconciled with her 18 year old son after not speaking to him for several years. Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. You never know what God has planned. What I miss most is him just being here and his sense of humor. What I would change would be to listen more and to heed all those signs that I ignored. The best times were all the traveling we did in our little truck camper. Hug your kids a little tighter and try a little harder to understand what they are trying to tell you.

[republicanbred]

So sorry for the loss of your son to suicide. My father died that way and it is something you never recover from. I am in no way comparing the loss of my dad to the loss of your son, I’m sure it is my pain times a million. Just wanted you to know that being part of the club of losing one you love to suicide is a heartache I would not wish on my worst enemy. Hugs to you and your family.

[AZHSer]

Thank you and hugs to you too. It is amazing how many people have lost loved ones to suicide. People I had known for years told me about losing parents, siblings, or children. The grace they bear it with is an inspiration.

[EternalVigilance]

I’ve lost two children: My eldest son Casey when he was a day old, and my daughter Hannah Marie when she was seven months. When Hannah passed the folks at the hospital who are paid to provide comfort to families like ours, for all their words, God bless ‘em, really didn’t bring that much true comfort. But then an old friend of mine, who had lost four of her kids in a house fire some years previous, showed up. All she did was put her arms around me and hug me. She didn’t say a word. And she didn’t have to. I knew she truly understood what I was going through. I was comforted.

[EternalVigilance]

Praying for you.

[AZHSer]

For you also.

[Agamemnon]

Exceptionally well written.

FReegards!