Posted on 08/13/2013 10:46:04 AM PDT by John Semmens
Anti-Assad rebels from the Jabhat al-Nusra Front are reported to have carried out a raid on the Syrian town of Tal Abyad near the Turkish border this past week. Rebel troops are said to have gone door-to-door killing everyone they encountered—including an estimated 450 women, children, and elderly men.
The Jabhat al-Nusra Front is one of the groups receiving military assistance from the Obama Administration and was visited earlier this year by Senator John McCain (R-Ariz) for a photo op. McCain hastened to mention that “the reports of the massacre have yet to be confirmed by the Administration. Even if they are this doesn't necessarily imply that we are backing the wrong side in this civil war.”
“I mean, it's not as if United States Armed Forces have never killed women and children,” McCain pointed out. “Our bombing of Hiroshima in World War II indiscriminately killed many non-combatants. Why, I myself conducted bombing raids on villages in Vietnam that must have resulted in similar non-combatant casualties. So, I don't think we should be too quick to judge these people too harshly.”
The Arizona Senator vowed he would “stand behind our Commander-in-Chief. He's the one we must trust. To do otherwise would be insubordinate, possibly treasonous. If he orders us to come to the aid of Jabhat al-Nusra, then that's what we all must do.”
In related news, President Obama has issued an Executive Order granting “refugee status” to Syrians at risk of reprisals from the Assad regime. In the event that the Assad Government is successful in repulsing rebel efforts to overthrow it, escaping members of Jabhat al-Nusra will be awarded permanent residency in America.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/139656-2013-08-09-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-august-11-2013.htm
That doddering old fool, McCain has completely lost it. I remember, not so long ago, it was patriotic to object to and question the policies of the government....
Oh, I forgot, the Republicans were in power at that time, it's different .
Very believable!
By John Cleese (British writer, actor and tall person):
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have
therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even
“A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
“Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a
“Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish
Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get
the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from
“Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are
“Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s
military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to
“Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective
Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to
“Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels:
“Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.” Belgians, on the other hand, are all
on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of
Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really
good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to
“She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I
think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is
cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation
level.
A final thought -” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and
Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.”
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