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Mayor Downplays Indication that NYC Was Boston Bombersí Next Target
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 Apr 2013 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/29/2013 12:53:35 PM PDT by John Semmens

A statement from captured bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and corroborated by the terrorists’ carjack victim that New York City’s Times Square was the next target was met with surprising calm by Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

“As horrific as the Boston Marathon bombing was or that a similar attack in Times Square might’ve been, the carnage entailed cannot match that wreaked on our citizens by sugar-laden soft drinks,” Bloomberg said. “The Boston bomb claimed the lives of three innocent victims and maimed dozens more. Sugary soft drinks kill and incapacitate far more on an annual basis.”

Bloomberg insisted that “we should not be diverted from the bigger threat to our health and well-being just because a bomb is a louder and messier way to kill people. The argument that sugary soft drinks are a voluntary choice is a smokescreen meant to obscure our social obligation to be our brothers’ keepers.”

The Mayor sought to assure that his concerns about people’s unhealthy habits “is not my sole focus. I think recent events in Boston and Newtown are clear warnings that our interpretation of the rights protected by the Constitution must undergo an evolution.”

“Take, for example, the Fourth Amendment’s bar to ‘unreasonable searches and seizures,’” Bloomberg added. “Given the speed with which criminals can carry out their crimes is it truly unreasonable for police to enter any place and seize weapons or dangerous materials before they can be used? As we saw from the successful manhunt that captured the Boston bomber, citizens don’t mind warrant-less searches of their homes. So, should we really let rigid adherence to an ancient document overrule contemporary common sense?”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2013/04/27/administration-brochure-touts-food-stamp-benefits-for-foreigners/


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: bloomberg; nannystate; satire; terror

1 posted on 04/29/2013 12:53:35 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Yes, to Bloomberg, the soft drinks are the real killers.


2 posted on 04/29/2013 12:56:08 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)
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To: Jonty30
Yes, to Bloomberg, the soft drinks are the real killers.

Don't forget their terror-cell comrades salt and transfat.

Bloomie's WMD example:

3 posted on 04/29/2013 1:39:21 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Choose one: the yellow and black flag of the Tea Party or the white flag of the Republican Party.)
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To: KarlInOhio
Oops. Left off the mug shot.


4 posted on 04/29/2013 1:40:45 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Choose one: the yellow and black flag of the Tea Party or the white flag of the Republican Party.)
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