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Adobe Acrobat Update Sparks Violent Protests In Muslim World
The People's Cube ^ | 9/23/2012, 8:47 pm | Red Square

Posted on 04/24/2013 2:27:53 AM PDT by cunning_fish

Scores of people were injured Saturday in clashes with police as protests continued in the Muslim world against the most recent Adobe Acrobat update, downloaded Friday to one of the region's fifteen computers.

Released for distribution in the United States, the update allegedly provided "critical fixes improving security, stability and performance," while also addressing a number of "high priority bugs," which many in the Muslim world see as an insult to their way of life.

"Who are they to tell us that we need an update?" an imam addressed a raging crowd of followers in Bangladesh's capital, Dhaka. "The very suggestion that we need a 'critical fix' to improve the 'handling of errors' is yet another example of America's arrogance. Our system is superior to theirs and any suggestion that it 'misses a plug-in' is an imperialist attempt to impose their blasphemous lifestyle on true believers."

In Pakistan, a Cabinet minister offered a $100,000 reward for the death of Adobe Acrobat, urging the Taliban and al-Qaida to perform the "sacred duty" of helping locate and kill the "blasphemous contortionist."

"Their insinuation that our system may be somehow "riddled with bugs" is a blasphemy punishable by death," Minister Ghulam Ahmad Balor told the reporters. "How else, if not by killing people, can we demonstrate to the world that our system cannot be improved because it is already perfect? It was designed by Prophet Mohammed (PBUH), and not even Adobe Updater can update that."

(Excerpt) Read more at thepeoplescube.com ...


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Religion; Society
KEYWORDS: alqaeda; bostonmarathom; bostonmassacre; chechen; democrats; islam; jihad; obama
Following his announcement, a peaceful but angry crowd of more than 1,500 people, including women and children, marched through Islamabad's streets towards National Circus, where they rounded up and killed more than 20 local acrobats taking refuge inside the building. Police and witnesses said dozens of clowns and other circus workers were injured.

All of the murdered acrobats were later cleared of any affiliation with Adobe.

Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan criticized the violence, but said Western nations aren't spilling enough blood of the unbelievers to prevent insults to Islam. "No one is defending freedom of expression when Norton Antivirus finds and discards malicious files. How is that different from Muslims tracking down and beheading those who express malicious thoughts? Freedom of expression is offensive and we must not tolerate it more than we tolerate a virus."

Police, armed with tear gas and batons, managed to disperse thousands of stone-throwing demonstrators in Nigeria's largest city, Kano. The protesters from about a dozen Islamic groups burned two of the country's three computers, witnesses said. This left Nigerian entrepreneurs worried. "We can't just stop progress in addressing general errors in handling text, font, and metadata," says Mariam Abacha, an independent email expert and widow of the late dictator of Nigeria, General Sanni Abacha. "Our access to email generates up to 70% of national GDP. The loss of that computer will not only plunge us back into poverty, disease, and starvation - it will also crush my hopes of securing kind assistance of a trustworthy Westerner with an email account, to retrieve eighty million USD ($80,000,000.00) specially preserved and well packed in steel crates by me and my late husband." About 200 students in Srinagar, the main city in Indian-controlled Kashmir, angrily chanted "Down with Windows 7" and "Long live MS-DOS." Some carried a placard that read, "There is no Adobe but Allah and Muhammad is his Acrobat."

"Why do these Yankees presume they know what Muslims need?" a protester told our reporter during a break. "These arrogant pop-up banners keep telling us that our system is 'obsolete' and that really hurts our self-esteem. But don't fall for that trick, because a week after you upgrade to the latest version, it'll pop up once more and you'll feel like an idiot with obsolete software again. Here's my question to the Americans at Adobe: how good can YOU be if your stuff needs constant fixes and upgrades? I'm convinced that the real purpose of their update reminders is to continually taunt and degrade Muslims. That deserves a very, very stern punishment." At a rare White House press conference today, President Obama and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton expressed solidarity with the Muslim struggle against the unfair practice , stating that they themselves are often appalled by the "vile and despicable display of software update notifications" in various pop-up windows. They urged all software developers to take a more responsible approach and promised to send DOJ and IRS investigators to Adobe headquarters.

According to earlier reports, Adobe CEO has already been interrogated by the sheriff's department after being taken from his San Jose, California home at 1:30am, and escorted by the police while wearing a towel over his head.

In related news, a fighting Islamist faction in the Phillipines' capital massacred a group of street gymnasts after a pop-up banner from Staples announced a discount on "manila folders."

1 posted on 04/24/2013 2:27:53 AM PDT by cunning_fish
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To: cunning_fish

2 posted on 04/24/2013 2:39:24 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet - Mater tua caligas exercitus gerit ;-{)
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To: cunning_fish

This is funny. I know it’s satire but it sure seems believable. Great post. Book marked for future reading.


3 posted on 04/24/2013 2:41:41 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (I voted Republican, no Conservative was on the ballot.)
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To: Conspiracy Guy

It would have been funnier if it was about Vista...


4 posted on 04/24/2013 2:52:05 AM PDT by taildragger (( Tighten the 5 point harness and brace for Impact Freepers, ya know it's coming..... ))
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To: cunning_fish

This just made my day, thanks.


5 posted on 04/24/2013 3:08:46 AM PDT by enduserindy (Conservative Dead Head)
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To: Conspiracy Guy; JoeProBono

Adobe Acrobats don’t wear the habib ......


6 posted on 04/24/2013 3:14:02 AM PDT by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: Conspiracy Guy

“...it’s satire, but ... seems believable...”

It is getting harder to tell satire from real news, these days.


7 posted on 04/24/2013 3:15:58 AM PDT by VietVet (I am old enough to know who I am and what I believe, and I 'm not inclined to apologize for any of)
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To: cunning_fish
Heh, to this we now add Adobe Acrobat updates...
8 posted on 04/24/2013 3:20:18 AM PDT by rlmorel ("We'll drink to good health for them that have it coming." Boss Spearman in Open Range)
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To: cunning_fish

Got me going for a while.

Thanks, FRiend, for a good hearty laugh to begin my day.


9 posted on 04/24/2013 3:29:15 AM PDT by Sir Napsalot (Pravda + Useful Idiots = CCCP; JournOList + Useful Idiots = DopeyChangey!)
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To: VietVet

To: Conspiracy Guy
“...it’s satire, but ... seems believable...”

It is getting harder to tell satire from real news, these days......

Ya had me sucked in there for a while......(Note to self, If you read it on the internet it’s not true)


10 posted on 04/24/2013 3:53:43 AM PDT by Progov (I'm for HONEST government)
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To: cunning_fish

I hate to admit it, but the Muslims have a point here.

Adobe needs to either tone it down when it comes to urgency, or change the name of their application. They cannot continue to dishonor the profit with impunity.


11 posted on 04/24/2013 4:00:29 AM PDT by BobL (Look up "CSCOPE" if you want to see something really scary)
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To: BobL

Haha.


12 posted on 04/24/2013 4:11:12 AM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: taildragger

I would have peed my pants.


13 posted on 04/24/2013 4:19:17 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (I voted Republican, no Conservative was on the ballot.)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE

That is the problem Robert E.


14 posted on 04/24/2013 4:22:56 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (I voted Republican, no Conservative was on the ballot.)
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To: VietVet

True.


15 posted on 04/24/2013 4:23:35 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (I voted Republican, no Conservative was on the ballot.)
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To: cunning_fish

very funny. You can actually imagine Islamists doing things like this.


16 posted on 04/24/2013 4:31:01 AM PDT by driftless2
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To: cunning_fish

Effective satire! Thanks for posting!


17 posted on 04/24/2013 5:00:07 AM PDT by agere_contra (I once saw a movie where only the police and military had guns. It was called 'Schindler's List'.)
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To: Progov

***Humor Ping***


18 posted on 04/24/2013 5:08:38 AM PDT by BigRed9
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To: cunning_fish

Ahaha rofl so funny! I suspect this is from the Onion. ;)


19 posted on 04/24/2013 7:57:46 AM PDT by Udokier
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