All of the murdered acrobats were later cleared of any affiliation with Adobe.
Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan criticized the violence, but said Western nations aren't spilling enough blood of the unbelievers to prevent insults to Islam. "No one is defending freedom of expression when Norton Antivirus finds and discards malicious files. How is that different from Muslims tracking down and beheading those who express malicious thoughts? Freedom of expression is offensive and we must not tolerate it more than we tolerate a virus."
Police, armed with tear gas and batons, managed to disperse thousands of stone-throwing demonstrators in Nigeria's largest city, Kano. The protesters from about a dozen Islamic groups burned two of the country's three computers, witnesses said. 
This left Nigerian entrepreneurs worried. "We can't just stop progress in addressing general errors in handling text, font, and metadata," says Mariam Abacha, an independent email expert and widow of the late dictator of Nigeria, General Sanni Abacha. "Our access to email generates up to 70% of national GDP. The loss of that computer will not only plunge us back into poverty, disease, and starvation - it will also crush my hopes of securing kind assistance of a trustworthy Westerner with an email account, to retrieve eighty million USD ($80,000,000.00) specially preserved and well packed in steel crates by me and my late husband." 
About 200 students in Srinagar, the main city in Indian-controlled Kashmir, angrily chanted "Down with Windows 7" and "Long live MS-DOS." Some carried a placard that read, "There is no Adobe but Allah and Muhammad is his Acrobat."
"Why do these Yankees presume they know what Muslims need?" a protester told our reporter during a break. "These arrogant pop-up banners keep telling us that our system is 'obsolete' and that really hurts our self-esteem. But don't fall for that trick, because a week after you upgrade to the latest version, it'll pop up once more and you'll feel like an idiot with obsolete software again. Here's my question to the Americans at Adobe: how good can YOU be if your stuff needs constant fixes and upgrades? I'm convinced that the real purpose of their update reminders is to continually taunt and degrade Muslims. That deserves a very, very stern punishment." 
At a rare White House press conference today, President Obama and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton expressed solidarity with the Muslim struggle against the unfair practice , stating that they themselves are often appalled by the "vile and despicable display of software update notifications" in various pop-up windows. They urged all software developers to take a more responsible approach and promised to send DOJ and IRS investigators to Adobe headquarters.
According to earlier reports, Adobe CEO has already been interrogated by the sheriff's department after being taken from his San Jose, California home at 1:30am, and escorted by the police while wearing a towel over his head.
In related news, a fighting Islamist faction in the Phillipines' capital massacred a group of street gymnasts after a pop-up banner from Staples announced a discount on "manila folders."
Heh, to this we now add Adobe Acrobat updates...