Skip to comments.Hillary announces she's pregnant; high risk requires 7 months bed rest; resigning immediately
Posted on 12/20/2012 6:50:44 AM PST by ken5050
Sec. of State Hillary Clinton announced this morning that she's approximately two months pregnant, and would thus be resigning immediately. Against the background of two of her top aides testifying this morning to Congress about the multiple failures in the State Dept outlined in the just released report on the Benghazi, Clinton, in a prepared statement, revealed that because of the very high risk nature of the pregnancy, given her age, her doctors had advised that she "pretty much spend the next 7 months in bed."
Clinton's aides revealed that the flu, which forced her to cancel her appearance before Congressional committees today, was in fact due to severe morning sickness.
"She obviously regrets the slight deception, but is sure that Congress, and the American people, will understand and forgive her, given the circumstances," the aide stated.
Pregnancies at her age are quite rare, but not unheard of. They are by definition very high risk, but with proper medical care and a careful lifestyle, can be carried successfully to term. But obviously, the demands of the position, the long hours and extensive travelling, make it impossible for her to continue in her duties, and she will be resigning immediately.
The aide further stated that given the doctor's orders for complete rest, it's highly unlikely that she will be able to testify before Congress until several months after the baby is born, assuming of course that Congress still wishes to hear from her at that time.
The White House was obviously caught by surprise at the sudden announcement, and had no comment except that "President and Mrs. Obama wish the Clintons all the best in this time of great joy."
When asked if this would result in an immediate nomination of a replacement, the WH again had no comment.
Congratulatory messages began arriving almost immediately, from all over the world.
Jennifer Aniston Tweeted: "You go girl!Let's compare baby bumps!"
Kate Middleton, in a statement, congratulated the Clintons, and hoped that they could one day arrange play-dates, either at Buckingham Palace or in Chappaqua.
Huma Abdelin, Clinton's top aide at the State Department, was stopped by a reporter while she was wheeling her own bay in a stroller. She too was completely surprised at the news but broke into tears of joy when told. "I'm so happy for them," she said. If this new baby brings them as much joy as Anthony and I have with our child, they will be very blessed."
Monica Lewinsky Tweeted: "U GOT TO BE KIDDING!"
So who’s the lucky turkey baster?
“Hillary Clinton announced this morning that she’s approximately two months pregnant”
Fishing early? It is funny.
Clinton seemed very surprised, loudly remarking “Whoa!!!!” possibly because he didn’t expect the announcement to come so soon.
And possibly because he had no idea. He - like all of America - wonders who the daddy is.
(”That damn Hubbell again!”)
What exactly did she fall on?
You really need to put something in parenthesis to warn people this is humor.
Of course, it will be an Immaculate Deception
She should have stayed away from that pickle jar...
It’s the antichrist. Who else could have been his mother? Pelosi perhaps...
funny and disgusting at the same time, well done.
Either that or she got splashed!
What exactly did she fall on?
Her butt obviously. Didn’t ya hear? She has a brain concussion.
Was she wearing a stained blue pants suit?
Now why don't you go out and get a life. you apparently have way too much time on your hands.
Probably Janet Napolitano.
She will unexpectedly miscarry, the whole world will mourn and she will have escaped scrutiny on Benghazi and will be set up to run for president.
I just have to say it’s hard to wretch, laugh and fall out of my chair at the same time, but I managed to do it. I have a big mess over here now, thank you very much!
Wait, is this one of those doomsday scenarios?
Agreed. There should be at least a VANITY or other warning. Looks too real. Now we’ll find people spreading this nonsense all over since they think it’s true.
False alarm. She was just seriously constipated. After two shots of Tequila and a large chili burrito Supreme with extra onions she “gave birth” to what looked like an Obama love child.
You got that right.
I like a laugh as much as the next person, but I shouldn't have to search an entire piece looking for a sarc or vanity tag. Some might say: “Hey, you should’ve known this wasn't true!” Sorry, but nowadays nothing surprises me.
I guess I was a bit harsher than I should’ve been, but it only takes a second to properly label an article as real or vanity.
Bill Clinton: “I want to say this one time... I did NOT have sex with that woman, Hillary Clinton”...
This should be a lesson to all women. Check the sperm level in a hot tub before entering.
Hussein didn’t send her a sympathy card for the burden she’s carrying?
Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
Have you seen how many FRers are fooled by articles posted from certain satire authors and sites? I’ve seen the outrage generated by things that are marked with well-known satire by-lines. The wool is easily pulled over their eyes.
Parody is so hard to do these days. Reality is weirder than anything most people can think up.
The Onion does a good job but they are professional snarkists.
I told her to stay away from that Huma Weiner!
Where’s the Drudge flashing light????
Great job! As to the comments here to the contrary; more signs of the times.
LOL, I bet Janet Reno and Humma were holding the baster
Webster, you have a strong stomach.
Well that sure makes it real ... LOL!
I apologize for the boob tube boobs who cluelessly demand a laugh track to go with the post. Pathetic.
Chelsea Clinton on Twitter: “I’m looking forward to having a closely related person. (I was jogging in the neighbourhood when the conception occurred”).
You mean I shouldn’t have sent this thread to the Weekly World News?