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Hillary announces she's pregnant; high risk requires 7 months bed rest; resigning immediately
one man's opinion...

Posted on 12/20/2012 6:50:44 AM PST by ken5050

Sec. of State Hillary Clinton announced this morning that she's approximately two months pregnant, and would thus be resigning immediately. Against the background of two of her top aides testifying this morning to Congress about the multiple failures in the State Dept outlined in the just released report on the Benghazi, Clinton, in a prepared statement, revealed that because of the very high risk nature of the pregnancy, given her age, her doctors had advised that she "pretty much spend the next 7 months in bed."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: blueflu; clintonlegacy; fakebutaccurate; hillarylied
Shortly after the news crossed the wires, an AP reporter who was covering her husband's speech to a financial forum, congratulated him on the news. Clinton seemed very surprised, loudly remarking "Whoa!!!!" possibly because he didn't expect the announcement to come so soon.

Clinton's aides revealed that the flu, which forced her to cancel her appearance before Congressional committees today, was in fact due to severe morning sickness.

"She obviously regrets the slight deception, but is sure that Congress, and the American people, will understand and forgive her, given the circumstances," the aide stated.

Pregnancies at her age are quite rare, but not unheard of. They are by definition very high risk, but with proper medical care and a careful lifestyle, can be carried successfully to term. But obviously, the demands of the position, the long hours and extensive travelling, make it impossible for her to continue in her duties, and she will be resigning immediately.

The aide further stated that given the doctor's orders for complete rest, it's highly unlikely that she will be able to testify before Congress until several months after the baby is born, assuming of course that Congress still wishes to hear from her at that time.

The White House was obviously caught by surprise at the sudden announcement, and had no comment except that "President and Mrs. Obama wish the Clintons all the best in this time of great joy."

When asked if this would result in an immediate nomination of a replacement, the WH again had no comment.

Congratulatory messages began arriving almost immediately, from all over the world.

Jennifer Aniston Tweeted: "You go girl!Let's compare baby bumps!"

Kate Middleton, in a statement, congratulated the Clintons, and hoped that they could one day arrange play-dates, either at Buckingham Palace or in Chappaqua.

Huma Abdelin, Clinton's top aide at the State Department, was stopped by a reporter while she was wheeling her own bay in a stroller. She too was completely surprised at the news but broke into tears of joy when told. "I'm so happy for them," she said. If this new baby brings them as much joy as Anthony and I have with our child, they will be very blessed."

Monica Lewinsky Tweeted: "U GOT TO BE KIDDING!"

1 posted on 12/20/2012 6:50:50 AM PST by ken5050
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To: Reaganite Republican; maggief

FYI


2 posted on 12/20/2012 6:51:38 AM PST by ken5050 ("One useless man is a shame, two are a law firm, three or more are a Congress".. John Adams)
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To: ken5050

So who’s the lucky turkey baster?


3 posted on 12/20/2012 6:52:36 AM PST by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing)
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To: ken5050

“Hillary Clinton announced this morning that she’s approximately two months pregnant”

EEEWWWW!!!!


4 posted on 12/20/2012 6:53:48 AM PST by V_TWIN (obama=where there's smoke, there's mirrors)
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To: ken5050

Srsly?


5 posted on 12/20/2012 6:54:01 AM PST by freedumb2003 (Here comes bama claus here comes bama claus left down bama claus lane!)
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To: ken5050

Fishing early? It is funny.


6 posted on 12/20/2012 6:54:01 AM PST by NY Attitude (Make love not war but be prepared for either.)
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To: ken5050

Clinton seemed very surprised, loudly remarking “Whoa!!!!” possibly because he didn’t expect the announcement to come so soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And possibly because he had no idea. He - like all of America - wonders who the daddy is.

(”That damn Hubbell again!”)


7 posted on 12/20/2012 6:55:01 AM PST by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: ken5050

What exactly did she fall on?


8 posted on 12/20/2012 6:55:50 AM PST by Rebel_Ace (Tags?!? Tags?!? We don' neeeed no stinkin' Tags!)
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To: ken5050

You really need to put something in parenthesis to warn people this is humor.


9 posted on 12/20/2012 6:56:16 AM PST by wildbill (You're just jealous because the Voices talk only to me.)
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To: ken5050

Of course, it will be an Immaculate Deception

10 posted on 12/20/2012 6:56:54 AM PST by Slyfox (The key to Marxism is medicine - V. Lenin)
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To: ken5050

She should have stayed away from that pickle jar...


11 posted on 12/20/2012 6:57:05 AM PST by WKUHilltopper (And yet...we continue to tolerate this crap...)
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To: freedumb2003

It’s the antichrist. Who else could have been his mother? Pelosi perhaps...


12 posted on 12/20/2012 6:57:45 AM PST by RadiationRomeo (Step into my mind and glimpse the madness that is me)
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To: ken5050
And here I thought Huma was the girl.....
13 posted on 12/20/2012 6:57:53 AM PST by liberalh8ter (If Barack has a memory like a steel trap, why can't he remember what the Constitution says?)
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To: ken5050

ken

funny and disgusting at the same time, well done.


14 posted on 12/20/2012 6:59:15 AM PST by txnativegop (Fed up with zealots)
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To: Smokin' Joe
So who’s the lucky turkey baster?

Either that or she got splashed!

15 posted on 12/20/2012 7:01:04 AM PST by laweeks
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To: Rebel_Ace

What exactly did she fall on?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her butt obviously. Didn’t ya hear? She has a brain concussion.


16 posted on 12/20/2012 7:07:07 AM PST by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: ken5050

Was she wearing a stained blue pants suit?


17 posted on 12/20/2012 7:07:27 AM PST by leprechaun9
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To: ken5050
There is not enough alcohol to even make that possible
18 posted on 12/20/2012 7:09:50 AM PST by BO Stinkss
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To: ken5050
Sorry, but this isn't funny. If you want to try and be cute, use a sarc tag in an obvious location on the piece.

Now why don't you go out and get a life. you apparently have way too much time on your hands.

19 posted on 12/20/2012 7:10:18 AM PST by Artcore
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To: Smokin' Joe

Probably Janet Napolitano.


20 posted on 12/20/2012 7:13:36 AM PST by RoadieFan
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To: ken5050

She will unexpectedly miscarry, the whole world will mourn and she will have escaped scrutiny on Benghazi and will be set up to run for president.


21 posted on 12/20/2012 7:15:25 AM PST by DainBramage
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To: ken5050

I just have to say it’s hard to wretch, laugh and fall out of my chair at the same time, but I managed to do it. I have a big mess over here now, thank you very much!

Still laughing.


22 posted on 12/20/2012 7:16:13 AM PST by austinaero
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To: austinaero

Wait, is this one of those doomsday scenarios?


23 posted on 12/20/2012 7:16:50 AM PST by austinaero
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To: ken5050
Now, it's time for Get the Guests. George toys with a confused Honey by telling her a story of a girl named Mousie who puffed up and whose puff went "poof." Honey again runs off to be sick again.

Wow. A remake of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" with the unlikely casting of Hillary Clinton as "Honey".
24 posted on 12/20/2012 7:17:27 AM PST by Dr. Sivana ("C'est la vie" say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell. -- Chuck Berry)
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To: Artcore

Agreed. There should be at least a VANITY or other warning. Looks too real. Now we’ll find people spreading this nonsense all over since they think it’s true.


25 posted on 12/20/2012 7:23:29 AM PST by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue./Technological progress cannot be legislated.)
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To: ken5050

False alarm. She was just seriously constipated. After two shots of Tequila and a large chili burrito Supreme with extra onions she “gave birth” to what looked like an Obama love child.


26 posted on 12/20/2012 7:25:56 AM PST by 762X51
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To: the OlLine Rebel
“Agreed. There should be at least a VANITY or other warning. Looks too real. Now we’ll find people spreading this nonsense all over since they think it’s true.”
______________________________________________

You got that right.

I like a laugh as much as the next person, but I shouldn't have to search an entire piece looking for a sarc or vanity tag. Some might say: “Hey, you should’ve known this wasn't true!” Sorry, but nowadays nothing surprises me.

I guess I was a bit harsher than I should’ve been, but it only takes a second to properly label an article as real or vanity.

27 posted on 12/20/2012 7:32:37 AM PST by Artcore
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To: ken5050

Bill Clinton: “I want to say this one time... I did NOT have sex with that woman, Hillary Clinton”...


28 posted on 12/20/2012 7:33:07 AM PST by ScottinVA (More dizzying than a Tilt-a-Whirl is an around-a-circle argument with a liberal about gun control.)
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To: ken5050

This should be a lesson to all women. Check the sperm level in a hot tub before entering.


29 posted on 12/20/2012 7:37:19 AM PST by ImJustAnotherOkie (zerogottago)
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To: ken5050

Hussein didn’t send her a sympathy card for the burden she’s carrying?

Thanks for the chuckle this morning.


30 posted on 12/20/2012 7:40:29 AM PST by bgill (We've passed the point of no return. Welcome to Al Amerika.)
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To: Artcore

Have you seen how many FRers are fooled by articles posted from certain satire authors and sites? I’ve seen the outrage generated by things that are marked with well-known satire by-lines. The wool is easily pulled over their eyes.


31 posted on 12/20/2012 7:41:05 AM PST by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue./Technological progress cannot be legislated.)
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To: Artcore

Parody is so hard to do these days. Reality is weirder than anything most people can think up.

The Onion does a good job but they are professional snarkists.


32 posted on 12/20/2012 7:42:06 AM PST by DManA ( l)
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To: ken5050

I told her to stay away from that Huma Weiner!


33 posted on 12/20/2012 7:51:50 AM PST by Batman11 (We came for the chicken sandwiches and a Sweet Tea Party broke out!)
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To: ken5050

Where’s the Drudge flashing light????


34 posted on 12/20/2012 7:52:51 AM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church will want to picket your funeral.)
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To: ken5050

Great job! As to the comments here to the contrary; more signs of the times.


35 posted on 12/20/2012 7:54:39 AM PST by John W (Viva Cristo Rey!)
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To: Smokin' Joe

LOL, I bet Janet Reno and Humma were holding the baster


36 posted on 12/20/2012 8:11:21 AM PST by Lockbar (Quality factory loaded ammunition ---- The New Gold)
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To: ken5050

Webster, you have a strong stomach.


37 posted on 12/20/2012 8:37:52 AM PST by PatHimself
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To: SkyDancer

38 posted on 12/20/2012 9:43:30 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

Well that sure makes it real ... LOL!


39 posted on 12/20/2012 9:54:56 AM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church will want to picket your funeral.)
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To: ken5050

I apologize for the boob tube boobs who cluelessly demand a laugh track to go with the post. Pathetic.


40 posted on 12/20/2012 10:06:33 AM PST by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: ken5050
Humia????

41 posted on 12/20/2012 10:11:29 AM PST by skinkinthegrass (Who'll take tomorrow,spend it all today; who can take your income & tax it all away..0Bama man can :)
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To: ken5050; a fool in paradise; Slings and Arrows

Chelsea Clinton on Twitter: “I’m looking forward to having a closely related person. (I was jogging in the neighbourhood when the conception occurred”).


42 posted on 12/20/2012 10:16:51 AM PST by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
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To: Artcore; the OlLine Rebel

You mean I shouldn’t have sent this thread to the Weekly World News?


43 posted on 12/20/2012 12:16:50 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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