Posted on 02/04/2008 7:19:43 PM PST by writer33
Berkeley, CA—In what could be one of the boldest stances in American history, the U.S. Marine Corps is planning to invade the city of Berkeley, California. The invasion comes after the Berkeley City Council voted to oust the U.S. Marine Corps Recruiting Station in downtown Berkeley.
Spearheading the charge is Senator Jim DeMint, R-South Carolina, which has introduced legislation to strip the city of federal funds as a result of the City Council’s vote.
“This is a slap in the face to all brave service men and women and their families,” DeMint stated on his Web site. “The First Amendment gives the city of Berkeley the right to be idiotic, but from now on they should do it with their own money. If the city can’t show respect for the Marines that have fought, bled and died for their freedom, Berkeley should not be receiving special taxpayer funded handouts.
Senator DeMint went on to detail the plans for the invasion. “And I don’t think that the American taxpayer should be forced to pay for programs that support a city that sees an organization like World Can’t Wait as indicative of the American people. Keep it up, Berkeley. We’re coming for you!” Several scuffles reportedly broke out, and one protestor was punched in the face. Berkeley police remained on the scene to try and keep order, but, according to many on the ground, the scene denigrated into an all out brawl.
Berkeley Mayor, Tom Bates, released a statement today stating that the council’s action was not intended to show disrespect for those in uniform and that he would seek changes to the resolution’s wording.
“I understand that there are people across the country that may not agree with this action, Bates whined, “but it is the Berkeley City Council’s responsibility to represent the will of the people of Berkeley.”
Senator Jim DeMint fired back. “I don’t give a rat’s behind at what the Berkeley City Council says it was trying to do. I’m stripping the funding, and giving that $87,000 to the U.S. Marines. With that, they’ll plan and mount the invasion of Berkeley. If we have to go block to block and house to house, we’ll route out the communists. We’ll treat it like city of Fallujah! I’m bringing the heat and I’m bringing it right now, Mayor Bates!”
Amidst the chaos in Berkeley, the U.S. Marine Corps said that it would hold its ground and not abandon its recruiting office on Shattuck Avenue.
“We take an oath to defend the Constitution of the United States, and part of the Constitution is the right of free speech, and the fact that they are exercising their rights solidifies our resolve to continue what we are doing,” Gunnery Sgt. Pauline Franklin said. “We’ll be glad to hold the communists at bay until more reinforcements can be sent. Let the dogs loose, Senator DeMint!”
With people across the country lining up on either side of the issue, it appears that Senator Jim DeMint, R-South Carolina is willing to spare no expense in defense of liberty. “I believe the most important function of government is to protect and defend the American people, Senator DeMint stated. “But the city of Berkeley has just exceeded a level of stupidity many are unwilling to live with any longer.”
The debate continues to rage on whether Senator DeMint should strip federal funding from Berkeley, citing that it is going too far. But DeMint argues that having American tax dollars go to a city that denigrates patriotism and applauds communism, is, in itself, going too far.
Ping!
Nuke’em
No kidding.
Alas, if it t’were but true...;-)
Semper fi!
LOL...
heheheheheeee!!!
Boy I wish I was 20 years younger. I’d head out there as well just to smack a few of them pansy asses...
Funny....
But if this web site existed, its has been pretty darn thoroughly erased.
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Too bad its a parody.
In fact the best action isn’t to just cut off federal funds to Berkeley— cut off fed funds to the entire state of California.
Then send a quick memo to the California legislature and the governor: “fix it”.
Stupidity should hurt.
I don’t see what the trouble is. Have the Marines ignore the idiots, post one Marine at the door, and DARE anybody to cause trouble. I can’t see a whole flock of Berklyites causing one Marine more than a couple of minutes work.
Good one!
Ooooohhhh, can I help???
bttt
I know this is satire, but in reality it would take one Marine to haul out the pinko trash.
Thanks for drawing attention to I.E.D.’s (Internal Enemies Devices) Chris. America’s finest. BTTT!
Even the humorists are angry! And write-ly so.
One of your spledid NV ranchers needs to find a well fed calf with a severe case of diahrea down to the Berkeley City Council chambers, bribe the janitor to let ‘em turn that calf loose inside overnight the night before their next council meeting!!!
There is cattle in Moraga. 30 miles from Berkeley.
That won’t work..
The city of Berkeley and their City Council is already so full of bull $hi+ — they wouldn’t notice another ton of bull $hi+ in their chambers...
Well, one Marine and a couple of truckloads of anti-bacterial foam!
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