Bush Reading Prowess Sparks Round of Boasts

azconservative ^ | 23 Spe 2006 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The White House assertion that President Bush has read more than 60 books in the last year sparked a round of boasting by political rivals. Reportedly, Bush’s reading outburst was inspired by a challenge from Karl Rove to match him in a contest to read a book a week.

Upon hearing of the claim, former president Jimmy Carter says he read a book a day. “My favorites were ‘Mighty Mouse’ and ‘Crusader Rabbit,’” said Carter. “I knew with these heroes protecting America, we would always be safe.”

Former president Bill Clinton admitted that he didn’t have much time for reading when he was in the White House. “I felt it would have been a shame to not has passed on my knowledge and skills to people,” Clinton said. “I spent a lot of time interacting with young people, you know, mentoring them and such. I tried to mentor at least one person a day. I got a lot of satisfaction out of that.”

“I’ve already read the important books,” said Senator John Kerry. “I often found myself debating timeless issues, like whether it is really necessary to ‘close cover before striking’ or whether a more ‘open door’ approach would be more enlightened. If the 2004 election hadn’t been stolen from me, I’d be putting the best ideas of the great thinkers into action right now.”

“Due to an unfortunate mishap when I was a young man, I was never able to become president,” said Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.). “But I have made it a practice to try to down at least a fifth of good Irish whiskey a day. I’d like to see Bush try that. He’d be under the table before I got my first belch out.”

[Fenris6]

Clinton should be reading: "How To Prevent Your STD-related Outbursts"