Posted on 03/13/2020 6:23:20 AM PDT by Colonial35
Always look for the silver lining!
Wife missing in Bar Harbor, Maine.
A few days after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Bar Harbor man answered his door to find two grim-faced Harbor Master officers.
"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife,"
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.
One officer said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news!"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Merciful Lord" exclaimed Flynn. "What could possibly be the good news?"
The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobster's that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 60's, and we feel you are entitled to a share of the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
TV news reporter:”The CDC says to refrain from handshakes”
Jeffery Dahmer: (stops his blender) “Dang!!!”
An Oldie But Goodie! :-)
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes
I found this oldie -
OFST
From Lucky9teen | 04/06/2017 2:48:05 PM PDT read
I regret to inform you that tomorrow will be the last day I’ll be doing the OFST thread.
I have asked for someone else to take over, and so far there have been no takers. I hate to let the thread just die, but responses are minimal and I just don’t have time to maintain it every week.
If you want to be the host going forward, please FReep me a message and I’ll be happy to send you my Ping list.
Thank you,
Lucky
The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. “Honey,” she said as she pointed the guy out, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”
Her husband say, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that much!”
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!” Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh S**t! Am I driving?”
bookmark
This morning, I took my Wife to the doc to get some fluid drained.
The receptionist in the waiting room sneezed, and I politely said, “Bless you.”
She sneezed again and I politely said, “Coronavirus.”
The room laughed.
In other words, WHO let the dogs out
Personally, I prefer the Dos Equiis virus.
Or the St. Pauli Girl virus.
There was a black grandma with her grandson at Walmart. I walked up to her and said, “You know the scariest part of this? Everyone is buying all of the toilet paper, but nobody’s buying any toothpaste.”
She laughed.
Please make this a regular thing!
Thank you :)
Dear God please kill me.
:)
I can arrange that.
Yes, it was important to come back.
And so what? I needed the mustard. You didn’t get it for me, you jerk!
I’m tired of the attitude - just awful!
Mark my words, your smirking makes you seem petty.
So SHUT UP! now!
You’re all crazy!
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