"That s__t ain't funny, man.....Stevie Wonder's a musical genius!"
Posted on 06/17/2018 1:27:57 PM PDT by sodpoodle
Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar.
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now."
Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Surprised, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?!!"
Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie: "Well, I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Tiger: "What's your handicap?"
Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods: incredulous - says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money. And I never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"
Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that. OK - I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"
Stevie: "You pick a night."
love ya Sod
Here’s another one for you Sac:)
Grandma’s boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,
‘Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?’
Grandma replied, ‘Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh
... I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.’
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started
Adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma’s minister.
The minister said, ‘Hello son, is your Grandma home?’
The little boy replied, ‘Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.’
The minister fainted.
kudos...best yet!!
Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I’ve got a confession to make.
I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this text and I can’t live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this. The truth is that when you’re not around I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently and I know that that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you. Regards, Richard NEIGHBOR’S RESPONSE: Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard killing him. He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second Text message from Richard. SECOND TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the damned Auto-Spell Correct had changed “wi-fi" to “wife”. Technology, huh? It’ll be the death of us all. Regards, Richard
And the engineer sdked, “Well, why can’t they play at night?”
Sending this one to a few folks.....Sac
What’s the definition of “endless love”?
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
LMAO
Hahaha! Good one!
Nice:D
****And the engineer sdked, “Well, why can’t they play at night?”*****
The engineer did not know how to spell - so the game was cancelled:)
LOL!
Good one!!
The subject of stopping the eruption of the Hawaiian volcano has come up.
According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, the quickest way to appease Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of fire, and end the volcanic eruptions, is to make a human sacrifice into her fires. According to tradition, that needs to be a celebrated leader who was born in Hawaii and held a position of power for at least 8 years.
Barack Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it.
Yes - your little nugget had been circulating on the Internet and whaddayahknow - Hawaii’s volcano seems to have disappeared from the headlines.
Thx TT
very good. thanks!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.