Posted on 12/05/2016 10:12:16 AM PST by C19fan
Dear Sugars,
My husband has a life that many people who are "rule-followers," like me, would envy. When I first met him, it was undeniably a passionate love affair. I'd never dated anyone or known anyone like him before. He took risks, lived all over the world, had many passions and has been a loyal friend. He's seven years older than I am, and we met at work, where his power and seniority at the office was insanely attractive to me. The year we got married, he wanted to take a risk and go back to graduate school to find his dream job. I trusted his judgment, and between his savings, my new job, and some sacrifices, we comfortably lived while he went through two years of graduate school. My husband now has his dream job. I'm proud of everything he's accomplished and what we were able to do together to make it happen.
Over the past four years, my career has skyrocketed in ways I never could have dreamed of. I've broken through the hypothetical glass ceiling in a male-dominated industry. I am a huge believer in women in the workplace and always will be. If they become the breadwinners in marriage, more power to them.
Now herein lies my problem — I became the breadwinner in an extreme way. I committed to supporting us for two years, but we're going on four now, and it will likely be five. Our income divide is so extreme that I pay for 90 percent of our living expenses. What I've found is I can't live this girl-power lifestyle that I believe in.
(Excerpt) Read more at npr.org ...
You can’t have it both ways. If you make more money than he does, of course you should contribute more to the household expenses.
But it sounds like you fell in love (questionable) with an ideal, not a reality. And the times have changed, so the dream has faded. Either you accept the changed circumstances, you work to fix them, or you bail.
It sounds like you are a wide-eyed schoolgirl and your husband had an early mid-life crisis. Not a great foundation for a marriage.
Modern feminists all stand in opposition to what they really want.
I’m sure it’s different in other parts of the country, but here in MA I’m not sure I know a single woman whom I would describe as “happy”. They are all permanently angry at the world.
What she truly wants is an excuse to bitch, whine, moan, and complain. No matter her state in life, she'll find one.
“She should start having babies. Seriously. Most women find great satisfaction and fulfillment as mothers.”
This is so true!!!!!!!
- Megan, mother of six with one more due in June!
You are so right, and I see it in my own family and friends, too.
This whole drama began because she fell for the power and seniority of the boss at work?
And she didn't see how that was really what we now call a hostile work environment due to the disparity of power between them and between her and her coworkers because she slept with the boss?
-PJ
Most important job in the world.
Best job in the world.
Hardest job in the world
Did those marriage vows contain the phrase “for better or worse...”?
It’s why all the bad boys are sleeping with anyone they want to and the good guys have a hard time even finding a date if they aren’t wealthy or super buff.
***
That is such a load of nonsense. Often stated by guys who can’t get a date because 1) they have not bothered to try to make themselves interesting, and 2) they will look only at women who are “out of their league”.
And what decent man wants one of those hot women who sleeps around?
Absolutely, everything is a trade-off, and you're the sum of your decisions.
My bet? Power is attractive when the author was on the outside and using it to further her own interests. Now that she has the power - and all of the attendant responsibility that goes with it - she doesn't like it so much.
Cognitive dissonance.
She’s torn between her feminist beliefs and the reality of her biological and emotional needs as a woman.
There is nothing wrong with living below one’s means and investing for the future.
Carrying for one’s own baby is not being “trapped”.
Ack!
Carrying = Caring
agreed.
We got married young, and have been with each other over 21 years now. When we married we got a bank account in both our names, and just pay for things out of it. There is no you pay this much, or you pay for that.
I know another couple what goes 50/50 all the time on their bills, always argue on who will pay for what, who is paying for a meal if they go out for heavens sake.
“Caring for one’s own baby is not being “trapped”.”
I understand. But I have come home to my wife many times in the early years to find a harried, frustrated wife who needed to get out of the house. Trapped is a feeling where you can’t see the end of your discomfort. My wife had 4 kids under five, and not all of them were easily potty trained. Everyday was not bliss back then. It was work.
You shall reap what you sowed.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.