Posted on 05/22/2016 12:09:43 AM PDT by lee martell
One year ago, I helped a friend of mine find a place to rentshare and move into. I knew she would fit right in. We have been coworkers in the past, just platonic friends. She thanked me by giving me a bottle of Chianti; red Italian wine. I thanked her of course, and put the bottle in my storage closet for when I got ready for it. I was ready today, having just finished writing a group of Quarterly Reports for my Manager of a Group Home. I was planning to reward myself for completing the job to everyone's satisfaction.
I rarely use real glasses, if it's just me, but for this moment, I washed out an old glass goblet with fluted sides, perfect for sipping wine. I take the bottle out of the storage closet, bring it to the sink, and I make a discovery. This is one of those bottles with a cork in it. Damn. I no longer have one of those spiral cork removers, it was loaned out, and never returned some time ago. So I was stuck. I had a feeling this might get messy, so I took off one of my nicer Polo Shirts, and changed into an old one that always fits no matter how long it stays in the dryer.
I got my favorite steak knife out, and pushed down cork. No movement. I needed to tap the knife handle with something. I used a heavy rubber spatula, raised the spatula high over my head, and swung down hard on the knife handle, now jammed into the cork. It worked! I got the cork to move. Only it went down the neck of the bottle, getting stuck halfway. I used a siphon to pour the dark red wine into an empty juice bottle that I had been planning to turn into a terrarium. Finally, all the wine was out. Now I had to pull my steak knife free from the cork.
I put the now mostly empty bottle into the sink, filled it with warm soapy water. Soon, the bottle has expanded just enough so that I could wrench it out. I give it one last strong tug, like Thor pulling his hammer out of that stone. The knife comes out, with cork still attached. I get sprayed with a little wine, the kitchen wall gets sprayed too.
Finally, I pour some Chianti into my fine glass goblet. I was...disappointed. I had forgotten just how bitter Chianti could be, even when red. I doubt if I finish the rest of that wine any time soon. I guess you could say, I have 'pedestrian tastes, or low class preferences. When I'm in the mood for wine, something that doesn't happen very often, I much prefer a sweet taste. I don't always come out and tell people that I one of my favorite after dinner sipping wines is Carlos Rossi Sangria, or Riunite Lambrusco. I admit, it's not very worldly or sophisticated. What can I say? I was brought up with Mogen-David Concord Passover Wine being the only alcohol in the house, except for during Christmas, when we needed to add a kick to the Egg Nog. I have also enjoyed German wines here and there, such as Zinfandel and Liebfraumilch. Sometimes you buy something different just to experiment and learn.
-—Thunderbird, way back when. it was a good comforter for the wharf rats sleeping around the diesel pump at the end of the dock.
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If I remember right, when I first saw it, I think it was under a buck a bottle, but it was known to be worse than paint remover.
I don’t recall ever trying it, but that can either mean I didn’t try it, or it wiped my memory clean.
Once my uncle stopped by after work and my mother smelled alcohol on him. She asked if he’d been drinking. He denied it. They went back and forth and finally she dropped the nuke and said she smelled that nasty Three Roses on him. He was horrified and cried out that he’d never touch Three Roses and that he’d been drinking good gin.
I used to actually like that one... and Cold Duck, I forgot about Cold Duck, heh
I’d like to say I drank more wine in the 70’s than any modern wine critic...
...they all had a screw on cap though, and if you got the ones in the wicker they made a fine candle holder afterwards that you could impress the ladies with!
Here’s a suggestion for the next time you need something to serve as a corkscrew:
Screw an actual long screw into the cork, and then use pliers to pull out the screw with the cork now firmly attached.
Yes, most of us say we are fine with Top 40 pop and Stephen King novels. But life is short and one should always be broadening ones horizons. Discovery of the finer things in life is definitely worth the journey.
I assume that the author is a man, if so, he is obviously lacking in some of the manly skills. No serious woman will be impressed with a man who drinks fruity screw-top wine. There are many ways of cleanly opening a wine bottle without a corkscrew. A screw and a hammer. A common house/car key. Even a wire coat hanger.
But it's been a while since I had to resort to those methods. At both my home and in my luggage for when I travel, I have one of these double-hinged corkscrews that once mastered, will open even the most stubborn corks with ease. It also has a nice bottle opener on it for when I switch to beer.
“I tried that once.
The hangover lasted for three days.”
It depends on how much vodka you use.
Apparently I used too much.
A nice Chianti? Goes best with a dinner of liver & fava beans.
Chow for paragraph eater.
A favorite Pinot Noir out of Oregon with a screw cap is Argyle. Priced around $25 It is the most expensive wine I will pay for. Very tasty.
Recognizing where you first went off the tracks is critical.
Always keep your cork puller. Deny having one if necessary.
GMTA. Yours is much nicer than the one I posted in 91.
Corks get torn up by the metal doohickey stuck in the cork.
Then, bits of cork fall down into the wine. So, one just
gives up and drinks wine, cork bits & all.
That was quite an adventure. 180 Proof!? One would think that high a concentrate of alcohol would dissolve the glass bottle!
I wish I could have seen some of those Vaudeville acts when they first walked on the stage. I like those lyrics.
Now you’re talking my game! The time for Sweet Wine Shaming is OVER!
How lame is the Swiss Army Knife you carry, if it doesn’t have a corkscrew?
I only drink Chianti with cava beans......
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