I Like Fruity Wine with a Cap that Screws off. How about You?

May 21, 2016 | Lee Martell

[lee martell]

One year ago, I helped a friend of mine find a place to rentshare and move into. I knew she would fit right in. We have been coworkers in the past, just platonic friends. She thanked me by giving me a bottle of Chianti; red Italian wine. I thanked her of course, and put the bottle in my storage closet for when I got ready for it. I was ready today, having just finished writing a group of Quarterly Reports for my Manager of a Group Home. I was planning to reward myself for completing the job to everyone's satisfaction.

I rarely use real glasses, if it's just me, but for this moment, I washed out an old glass goblet with fluted sides, perfect for sipping wine. I take the bottle out of the storage closet, bring it to the sink, and I make a discovery. This is one of those bottles with a cork in it. Damn. I no longer have one of those spiral cork removers, it was loaned out, and never returned some time ago. So I was stuck. I had a feeling this might get messy, so I took off one of my nicer Polo Shirts, and changed into an old one that always fits no matter how long it stays in the dryer.

I got my favorite steak knife out, and pushed down cork. No movement. I needed to tap the knife handle with something. I used a heavy rubber spatula, raised the spatula high over my head, and swung down hard on the knife handle, now jammed into the cork. It worked! I got the cork to move. Only it went down the neck of the bottle, getting stuck halfway. I used a siphon to pour the dark red wine into an empty juice bottle that I had been planning to turn into a terrarium. Finally, all the wine was out. Now I had to pull my steak knife free from the cork.

I put the now mostly empty bottle into the sink, filled it with warm soapy water. Soon, the bottle has expanded just enough so that I could wrench it out. I give it one last strong tug, like Thor pulling his hammer out of that stone. The knife comes out, with cork still attached. I get sprayed with a little wine, the kitchen wall gets sprayed too.

Finally, I pour some Chianti into my fine glass goblet. I was...disappointed. I had forgotten just how bitter Chianti could be, even when red. I doubt if I finish the rest of that wine any time soon. I guess you could say, I have 'pedestrian tastes, or low class preferences. When I'm in the mood for wine, something that doesn't happen very often, I much prefer a sweet taste. I don't always come out and tell people that I one of my favorite after dinner sipping wines is Carlos Rossi Sangria, or Riunite Lambrusco. I admit, it's not very worldly or sophisticated. What can I say? I was brought up with Mogen-David Concord Passover Wine being the only alcohol in the house, except for during Christmas, when we needed to add a kick to the Egg Nog. I have also enjoyed German wines here and there, such as Zinfandel and Liebfraumilch. Sometimes you buy something different just to experiment and learn.

[libertarian27]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AjbaATxhBE

How to Open Bottle of Wine with a Knife
CrazyRussianHacker

[Lurker]

Find what you like and drink it.

To hell with what anyone else thinks about it.

L

[aomagrat]

T.J. Swann was my go to wine in my youth.

Now it’s the gallon and a half jug of Livingston for $14.

[poconopundit]

Well done, Lee!   I guess there's something unAmerican about corked wine bottles : -) Besides, those funky plastic corks are an excuse to charge us an extra $3 a bottle.  Hurray for the screw top! How about celebrating with Andre Rieu and the Drink, Drink, Drink song from the Student Prince.

[Drew68]

How about “Rosie in a skirt” (Wild Irish Rose in a brown paper bag).

[moovova]

Wife won’t let me drink anymore.

:-(

[trebb]

Bali Hai/Ripple Pagan Pink/Boones Farm Strawberry Hill.....Mmmmmmmmmm

[Drew68]

We came of age on Cisco “wine coolers” in junior high and high school. Man, those were silly times. And I turned out just fine too.

For us who were teens in the 80s, it was Bartles & Jaymes and California Coolers. We dismissively called them "training beer" but the important fact was that girls loved them! We always made sure to have plenty on hand.

Congress killed the wine cooler in 1991 when they raised the excise tax on wine from $.17/gallon to $1.07. This led to the creation of malt beverages like Zima and all the crazy, sweet, skull-crushing hangover-inducing flavors.

[Eric in the Ozarks]

I still have a bottle of Thunderbird, presented to me for some accomplishment in the early 70s.
Don't suppose it improved...

[Randy Larsen]

Add a little 7 up and you have a wine cooler. Problem solved.

[Randy Larsen]

MY fav back in the 70’s was TJ swan any flavor...

[BiggerTigger]

Whenever you get around to opening and sampling it, put it all on YouTube. They go crazy for that stuff.

[Brandybux]

"I preferred Night Train in my youth . . ."

Another demographic with low finances for alcohol are street bums. Night Train is only one of their preferred products.

To read a hilarious review of all the contenders for cheapo-wine, read the reviews at Bumwine.com. From that site's homepage:

Call them bum wines, street wines, fortified wines, wino wines, or twist-cap wines. Whatever you call these beverages for the economical drunkard, this page explores the top five. So curl up on a heating duct and enjoy...

[vladimir998]

Holy Cow! Jimmy Gilmer and The Fireballs are still performing! I had no idea they were still around: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fireballs

[lefty-lie-spy]

Yeah, Bartles and James, I remember that too. Sacramento, California. 1980s.

[Savage Beast]

No. I hate Fruity Wine with a Cap that Screws off.

I like dry wine with a cork.

[teeman8r]

I like the women who like that wine

[central_va]

I acquired a taste for those wines in college.

[Ueriah]

I just can’t enjoy wine. It always leaves me with a headache the next day. Oddly enough, I can drink single malt Scotch all night with no ill effects the next day.

[arthurus]

Burgundy.