Posted on 11/05/2015 7:23:41 PM PST by Daniel Clark
The College Football Czar
Week 10
Week nine in review: The College Football Czar had his best week to this point in the season, although it would've been one game better if not for the officiating slapstick routine that took place at the end of the Miami-Duke game. The Hurricanes were allowed to score on a last-second kickoff return, which involved eight laterals, one pitch while the ball-carrier was already down, at least one illegal block, one announcement that the play was under review, two more announcements that the play was still under review, and the apparent review of an unreviewable call. The ACC has suspended both the on-field and replay officiating crews for two games.
Elsewhere in the ACC, legendary coach Frank Beamer has decided to retire from Virginia Tech, effective at the end of this season. As of this week, the Gobbler great has a career record of 235-120-2. If you add his 41-23-2 run at Murray State, he will retire as the 15th-winningest head coach of all time.
The rankings held pretty much true to form, but the top two teams have gotten some bad news about their quarterbacks. Just as Ohio State coach Urban Meyer had finally come around to naming J.T. Barrett as his starter, the 20-year-old sophomore got arrested for "operating a vehicle while intoxicated," which is a similar but lesser charge to a DUI. Barrett was nabbed while trying to circumvent a DUI checkpoint (a policing tactic that is completely and brazenly unconstitutional, just in case anybody still cares about that sort of thing). It looks as if the Buckeyes will have to get some more consistent play out of Cardale Jones by the time they face Michigan State and Michigan.
Second-ranked Baylor has lost QB Seth Russell for the rest of the season, after he was found to have suffered a broken bone in his neck during a Week 8 win over Iowa State. The new gunslinger for the Waco kids will be a lean freshman named Jarrett Stidham, who has thrown six touchdown passes while completing 24 of 28 in mop-up duty this year. Stidham and his Bears play a treacherous Thursday night game at Kansas State, which ought to be winding down just as this week's picks are being posted.
The Czar’s record for the week was 13-3, which gives him a 105-64 record for the season, and a .621 winning percentage.
Nov. 6
Brigham Young at San Jose State
Spartan RB Tyler Ervin rushed for 263 yards in a 31-21 win over New Mexico, but that was not his season-high. The undersized senior scooted for an even 300 earlier this year against Fresno State. Ervin is now the nation's third-leading rusher, behind LSU's Leonard Fournette and Wyoming's Brian Hill.
The Cougars are now bowl eligible at 6-2. How they fare over their last four games will determine whether they play in the Las Vegas Bowl against a Pac 12 opponent, or the Hawaii Bowl against a team from the American Athletic Conference. Vegas is first in the pecking order, and will select either BYU or the champion of the Mountain West Conference. A loss to a second-echelon MWC team this weekend would pretty much make up their minds and send Bronco Mendenhall's team on a consolation trip to Honolulu. The Cougs have just beaten three straight AAC foes, though, and are probably looking for a shot at a higher-profile opponent in the postseason.
If there's anything more putrid than the Spartans' putting an accent mark in San Jose, it's the acquiescence of the sniveling mental twerps in the sports media. The English language has no use for accent marks. San Jose is the name of an American city; ergo, it contains no accent mark. In Spanish, the names Mexico and Texas have accent marks, too. In English, they don't. If some politically correct banana-brain at ESPN ever puts an accent mark in Texas, Hank Hill is going to march into the studio, grab that accent mark, cause someone a great deal of discomfort with it.
Brigham Young 33, San Jose State 20
Nov. 7
Notre Dame at Pitt
The Irish hold a decisive 45-21 advantage in the all-time series, but over the past decade, they're only 4-4. When they last visited Heinz Field two years ago, it was the Panthers who prevailed 28-21, in an exciting but mistake-riddled game, in which Irish DT Sheldon Day – now a senior – was in position to recover a fumble, but weirdly threw the ball aside with apparent disdain. Based on his reaction, you'd think someone had handed him an organic rutabaga, or something.
Each of the Panthers' last six games has been decided by seven points or fewer. Just as it appeared they should have won more easily against Virginia Tech and Virginia, they were in danger of getting blown out by halftime of their loss to North Carolina, but steadied themselves to pull within a final of 26-19.
Last Saturday, the golden domers visited the other end of the Keystone State, which, thankfully, is not the home of Keystone Beer. Nevertheless, they had plenty of reason to be bitter-faced, until a late DeShone Kizer pass to Will Fuller lifted them over Temple, 24-20. That score was Kizer's only TD pass of the game, as opposed to two INTs – the first time all season he's come out on the wrong end of that ratio.
The Fighting Irish like to visit Heinz Field, because it gives them something to put on their potatoes. Oh, sorry, did the College Football Czar just say something ethnically insensitive? He meant that it is the Irish who put Heinz on their potatoes. They don't actually fight all that much. At least not compared to the Welsh.
Notre Dame 35, Pitt 28
Penn State at Northwestern
The 7-2 Nittany Lions face a one-dimensional offense, though one unlike the Illinois team they pounded 39-0 a week ago. Carl Nassib and the rest of PSU’s front seven poured in on QB Wes Lunt when they realized the Illini were no threat to run on them. The Wildcats, conversely, are the nation's tenth-worst in passing yardage, a fact that should allow the Lions to stack the line of scrimmage.
During the Cats' first five games, they gave up fewer than nine points on average, even though their opposition included Stanford and Duke. In their past three games, they've allowed an average of 32. If they were going to repeat last year's 29-6 trouncing of James Franklin's team, it seems like they might be a little late.
Freshman RB Saquon Barkley has 716 rushing yards this year, with five TDs and a 6.6 yard per carry average. That's pretty impressive, considering that he wasn't around to pad his numbers in midseason games against Army and Indiana. Saquon had missed those games due to an injury he sustained while throwing people around, because they teased him while eating beef jerky. It was unavoidable, really.
Penn State 24, Northwestern 20
Texas Tech at West Virginia
One might say WVU tailback running back Rushel Shell is a shell of himself. The former Pitt Panther has only two 100-yard games since moving to Morgantown, and this year, his season-high is 77 yards against Maryland.
The College Football Czar thinks he has detected a subtle flaw in the Red Raider defense, in that it has shown itself to be susceptible to the pummeling. Last week's 70-53 loss to Oklahoma State drops them to sixth-worst in scoring defense, yielding an average of 43.4 points per game. In their four Big XII losses, they've been bombarded for 62.8.
After consecutive road trips to Waco and Fort Worth, the Mountaineers are ready for some home cooking. Hopefully, the grease they left behind in the deep fryer is still good.
West Virginia 52, Texas Tech 42
LSU at Alabama
For those lardheads who are still counting, this is Game of the Century VI. The first of the overzealously named GOTC’s was these teams' regular season meeting in 2011, which was also the last game in the series that was won by Louisiana State. The Crimson Tide avenged the 9-6 loss in that year's BCS championship game, which they dominated 21-0.
The Tide and Tigers boast the nation's third and fourth-leading run defenses, respectively. Bama has only allowed one 100-yard rusher all season. That was Nick Chubb, who chugged for 146 yards on 20 carries. In their last game, Tennessee's Jalen Hurd was stopped short of the century mark only because he was given the ball just 18 times. That doesn't necessarily add up to a long day for Tiger tailback Leonard Fournette.
The Bayou Bengals' D isn't as dominant overall, but it hasn't let any opposing runner get anywhere near the triple-digit mark. If they can make QB Jake Coker lead the pachyderms' push instead of RB Derrick Henry, they'll probably win, and take command of the SEC West.
With all these Games of the Century, they must be hurtling through time faster than Zager and Evans. Hopefully, they're nowhere near the Year 5555, when their arms are hanging down by their sides, and their legs got nothing to do. That would make it more like watching a Wake Forest-Boston College game.
LSU 21, Alabama 17
TCU at Oklahoma State
Whether by design or coincidence, the top four teams in the Big XII play all of their games against the other during a November battle royal, starting with this clash between the undefeated Horned Frogs and Cowboys in Stillwater.
The flip side of this scheduling quirk is that none of the teams has yet established itself with a significant victory, which makes the predictable complaints about the opening CFP ratings ring hollow. If through two thirds of the season, your best opponent has been Texas Tech, then no, you don't deserve to be ranked ahead of Alabama. Case closed.
Texas Christian made a Manwich out of Mike Gundy's club a year ago, smashing them 45-9 in Fort Worth. That loss led OSU on a five-game slump that jeopardized its chances for a bowl game.
If Coach Gundy were clever, he'd have dressed up as a "man witch" for last week's Halloween game. Just imagine him in costume, angrily explaining himself to the press.
TCU 47, Oklahoma State 31
Duke at North Carolina
Okay, so David Cutcliffe was right that Miami's last-second touchdown should not have counted, but the only reason it had a chance to happen was that he had called for a squib kick – the play that every coach seems to think is brilliant, in spite of the fact that it backfires almost every time it is tried.
Because the Hurricane return originated from the front line, they were able to orchestrate a series of laterals in an organized manner, reminiscent of the Rugby World Cup final that took place earlier in the day. Furthermore, the squib kick allows the return team to make its first move before the coverage team has a chance to disrupt it. A conventional kickoff makes consecutive laterals more difficult to pull off, partly because the hang time helps the coverage team, thereby forcing the ball carriers to get rid of the ball more quickly, and also because the depth of the kick inverts the formation, so that the returner starts out trailing the player to whom he means to pitch the ball.
Of course, there's also the simple mathematical fact that the coach should not be willing to cede 35 or 40 yards before the opponents have even had to handle the ball. So you see, Cutcliffe and his Blue Devils didn't deserve to lose to the Hurricanes, but then again, they did.
Even before last Thursday's 26-19 win at Pitt, the Tarheels sure looked like the best team in the ACC's Coastal Division. The only reason they weren’t the highest-ranked of the three contenders was the poor quality of their early competition.
What happened last week may be an extenuating circumstance, but by including the Blue Devils in its initial rankings, the CFP seems to be totally disregarding the official outcome of a game. The Czar has to ask, then, whether the committee is necessarily bound to accept the result of the CFP championship game. What if there's a controversial ending, like there was in the 2002 BCS title game between Ohio State and Miami? Can the committee just decide that Miami feels more like the champion? If not, then why must the integrity of only the CFP games be honored, whereas the subjective nature of the system leaves all regular season results subject to be overridden?
Such a system could only be loved by Dr. Pepper mascot Larry the Lardhead Culpepper.
North Carolina 44, Duke 28
Navy at Memphis
While much attention has been paid to the undefeated teams in the AAC West, the 6-1 Midshipmen are tied with Memphis and Houston for the division lead, each having a 4-0 record in conference play.
The Tigers took down Ole Miss in Week 7, but they had two weeks to prepare for that game, and little concern about letting down against Tulsa a week later. The big question is whether they can remain in top form for three consecutive Saturdays against the Naval Academy, Houston and Temple.
Middies’ QB Keenan Reynolds tied Wisconsin tailback Montee Ball’s career touchdown record in a 29-17 victory over resurgent South Florida. The big differences, of course, are that Reynolds can also pass the ball, and that his mother isn’t telling people to call him "KAY-nan."
Consider the Czar officially outraged that ESPN hasn't yet given Montee Ball an accent mark. The bigots.
Navy 38, Memphis 31
Arizona State at Washington State
If the Sun Devils really wanted to pay tribute to Pat Tillman last Thursday, they could have tried tackling somebody. In a triple-overtime 61-55 loss to Oregon, they allowed one touchdown on a kickoff return, and two others on runs of more than 60 yards each.
The Cougars would likely be leading the Pac 12 North if not for yet another horrendous call by the replay officials. With WSU leading 22-10 in the third quarter, LB Ivan McLennan stripped the ball from Stanford RB Christian McCaffrey, but it was ruled that McCaffrey had already stepped out of bounds. Video evidence unmistakably contradicted the call, but the play was allowed to stand. The subsequent field goal kept the Cardinal in the game, which they ended up winning, 30-28.
Not only is ASU not as good as advertised, but they're also at a psychological disadvantage. Last time they went to the Great Northwest during November was a year ago, when they let the cold distract them in a 35-27 loss at Oregon State. Expect Wazzu to follow the Beavers’ blueprint by running the ball more than they normally do.
Everyone knows beavers are builders, but who knew they used blueprints? Them’s wily critters.
Washington State 46, Arizona State 42
Kentucky at Georgia
Against rival Florida, the Bulldogs turned to third-string QB Faton Bauta, who was as uncomfortable to watch as the dorm furniture by that name is to sit on. The little-used junior threw four INTs in an ugly 27-3 defeat.
The Wildcats have worn down over the course of their SEC schedule, getting manhandled in their past two games by Mississippi State (42-16) and Tennessee (52-21). Even if their losing streak reaches four this week, they’re likely to finish with a winning record, after facing Vanderbilt, Charlotte and Louisville.
UGA coach Mark Richt is instructing his players to "ignore the noise." That's kind of disconcerting advice, when you’re playing your next game at home.
Georgia 19, Kentucky 13
Florida State at Clemson
The Seminoles survived last year's game 23-17 in overtime, in spite of the absence of suspended QB Jameis Winston. They may be without their starter again, due to Everett Golson's concussion, but such a loss would be easier to overcome, if Sean Maguire's performance against Syracuse is any indication. Maguire threw for 348 yards, while connecting with WR Travis Rudolph from 75, 45 and 19 yards out.
Despite a big advantage in total yardage, the Tigers got tripped up a little in a 56-41 track meet against Nc State. It was by far their worst defensive game of the season, but they're not likely to face another one like it between now and the ACC title game. Their last three regular season opponents are Syracuse, Wake Forest and South Carolina.
Upon learning that his Tigers are #1 in the new CFP ratings, Dabo Swinney said that the only poll that matters is the one at the end of the season, and if that poll places his team among the final four, "We'll open up Death Valley and serve pizza to everybody." Mind you, the stadium seats about 81,000 people. So how would Swinney supply all those people with pizza? Easy. Just order one pie, but with olives and anchovies. Not only will that be enough, but there’ll probably be leftovers.
Clemson 38, Florida State 28
Minnesota at Ohio State
What an awkward situation J.T. Barrett has created for coach Urban Meyer, who now must turn right back around to Cardale Jones and pretend to have had a world of confidence in him all along. Jones has a lower completion percentage than Barrett, throws more interceptions, and is far less of a threat to run the ball.
The Golden Gophers looked like a team that had lost its head coach on short notice, as poor clock management cost them in the closing moments of a 29-26 loss to Michigan. With the ball at the one-yard-line, the radiant rodents watched 17 seconds run off the clock, leaving them time for just one more play. Interim coach Tracy Claeys then eschewed a tying field goal attempt and went for the victory. This was a perfectly defensible decision, but the fact that it failed, right after that moment of conspicuous indecision, made it appear that Claeys was disoriented, and did the football equivalent of hitting the hyperspace button.
For those among the Czar's younger readers who don’t remember what hyperspace is, the prefix "hyper" means "extreme" or "excessive." Therefore "hyperspace" means something far spacier than usual. You know, kind of like Zooey Deschanel.
Ohio State 24, Minnesota 10
Cincinnati at Houston
Okay, so it was only Central Florida, but still! Bearcat quarterback Gunner Kiel completed 15 of 15 passes for 319 yards and five touchdowns, in a 52-7 slobberknocking. That win puts UC in second place in the AAC East, although their head-to-head loss to Temple means they need to gain three games in what little remains of the season.
Something tells Tom Herman he's into something good. Perhaps it's that 8-0 record during his rookie head coaching campaign. Even if the Cougars go undefeated, they're not likely to get a shot at their coach's former team from Ohio State, but it sure would be fun to watch if that happened. The U of Herman still has to face its toughest three opponents of the regular season, however, beginning with this team from Cincy, which won last year’s regular season finale 38-31.
A guy named "Gunner" representing a university? For shame! From now on, the College Football Czar will refer to him only as Conflict Resolution Kiel. That might not solve anything, but it makes the Czar feel a little bit better about himself, and isn't that what's really important?
Cincinnati 42, Houston 40
Auburn at Texas A&M
The Tigers, a preseason Top Ten pick in nearly every publication but this one, are in danger of going winless in SEC West play. If they don't beat A&M, their last chance at a divisional W will be in the Iron Bowl against Alabama.
Freshman quarterback Sean White finally completed his first touchdown pass, during his fifth game of the season, a 27-19 loss to Ole Miss. White replaced an ineffective Jeremy Johnson against Mississippi State in Week 4. His results haven’t been much different, but at least he's still got three years to improve.
The fact that the Aggies come equipped with an ampersand comes in handy at their "yell practice," because lately, their fans have taken to yelling things like, "@#*%&!" Last week, the Conjunction Boys started to function again, as they snapped a two-game skid with a 35-28 win over East Division doormat South Carolina.
Why does anyone need to practice yelling? Not even Ed Grimley does that.
Texas A&M 27, Auburn 24
Utah at Washington
UW whaled on Arizona last Saturday, with a real whale. The 49-3 thrashing evens their record at 4-4, but a .500 finish is far from certain, with Arizona State and Washington State remaining after this battle with the Pac 12 South leaders.
The Utes returned to the win column last week, but they’ve definitely lost their momentum from earlier in the season. A 27-12 home win over Oregon State is not the stuff of which national contenders are made. They certainly aren't mopey, though, like Arizona was last week, so it will be interesting to see how the Huskies respond when they realize they're facing some resistance.
Ute tailback Devontae Booker is only 34 yards short of 1,000, but his 4.8 yard per carry average is the lowest among the nation’s 25 leading rushers. Coach Kyle Whittingham, perhaps noticing that the burden of all those carries is taking its toll on Booker, has said his team should have thrown the ball more often against OSU. We'll see if that's the approach he takes against the league’s leading defense.
Husky Stadium is where "The Wave" was invented in 1981, during a 42-31 victory over John Elway and Stanford. A fitting start to the proud lardheaded tradition of people ignoring the sporting events they paid to see, just so they can obey to some obnoxious boob with delusions of grandeur. If the fans in Seattle don't want to watch exciting games, then it's no wonder they love Major League Soccer, which is so lame that it actually uses a best-of-two playoff format. What happens if the series is tied? Nobody's ever stayed interested long enough to find out.
Utah 17, Washington 13
South Carolina at Tennessee
The Volunteers would have gladly signed up for this November schedule, which consists of North Texas, Missouri and Vanderbilt, in addition to these Gamecocks. In order to get to this point, however, they've had to survive tough losses to Oklahoma, Florida and Alabama.
Carolina running back Brandon Wilds has run … um … all over the place in two weeks since returning from a rib injury. Wilds now leads the team in rushing with 428 yards, despite having sat out three games, after being pulled early against Georgia. Unfortunately, QB Perry Orth’s game has gone Outh, as the junior has completed just 54.3 percent of his passes, with four TDs and six interceptions.
Now that the Old Ball Coach has suddenly retired, how do the Gamecocks know how to play "old ball" anymore? They could probably just approach some old person and ask him, but the explanation is liable to take all day.
Tennessee 23, South Carolina 17
Colorado State at Wyoming
In a meeting between these rigidly defined Rocky Mountain states, you could say it's hip to be square. Mind you, one of the inhabitants of those states might slug you for that, thinking that you've just called him something pelvic.
Speaking of which, CSU freshman tailback Izzy Matthews is no relation to the mascot of the 1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics, and he does not have stars emanating from his posterior. Just in case you were wondering, as the Czar assumes you were.
The Cowboys are only 1-8, but the significance of that mark is debatable, since they've now settled on big, shifty freshman Nick Smith at quarterback, to complement the nation's second-leading rusher, Brian Hill.
This game is played for a trophy called the Bronze Boot, which is just what it says it is, a bronzed boot that had been worn by an ROTC instructor who served in Vietnam. Its lesser-known counterpart, representing the opposing point of view, is the Hippie Sock. It isn't bronzed, but that doesn’t stop it from standing up all by itself.
Colorado State 30, Wyoming 21
Michigan State at Nebraska
In the old days, "living the life of Riley" was desirable, but today, all it means is that you’re coaching a badly underachieving football team, that just got its posterior punted by Purdue. Perhaps by now, the Cornhusker coach would rather be living the life of Charles Nelson Reilly … and he's dead!
Still, landing a starring role on the acid-induced Sid and Marty Krofft show Lidsville would be a preferable way to spend one's Saturdays than having to explain yourself for an excruciating series of collapses like the N-men have had. At 3-6, the Huskers are on course for their worst finish since 1958.
Take a look back at the Spartans' early results. That 31-28 win over Oregon, since deemed irrelevant, now seems important again. Wins over Western Michigan, Air Force and Central Michigan are all good results, and even that three-point win against Purdue looks better, in light of the Boilermakers' recent 55-45 triumph over the Braskymen.
Apologies to all those among the Czar's readers who didn't realize that Charles Nelson Reilly was dead. Try not to take it so hard.
Michigan State 27, Nebraska 17
California at Oregon
The Fighting Duck defense allowed 742 yards in a 61-55 victory over Arizona State. To be fair, the game did go three OTs. In regulation time, they yielded a mere 650.
UO isn't running its usual offense with Vernon Adams at the helm, but after steadying their season with wins over Washington and Arizona State, the fans in Eugene will stand to watch them plod a little bit here and there.
The Golden Bears' usual second-half swoon continued with a 27-21 loss to USC. They trailed the Trojans 24-7 at one point, and only pulled within six on their last possession of the game.
Cal defensive tackle Mustafa Jalil did a lardheaded bit of trash-talking (not that there's any other kind) at his team’s weekly press conference, when brought some poultry with him to the podium, and said, "Why not get the feast started with roast duck from the Mandarin House." Then again, maybe he's onto something. Odds are, he ate beef at some point prior to his team's 45-44 win over Texas.
It stands to reason, then, that the Bears' first loss of the season was to Utah. Perhaps Jalil should have taken a chance, and picked up some Lunchables for the occasion. As far as anyone knows, that stuff just might have some ute meat in it.
Oregon 37, California 29
Around the bowl, down the hole, roll Tide, roll!!
I reviewed the entire Miami Duke last play, frame by frame. Other than a non called block in the back (a common miss), the play was well called, despite what the spineless ACC officials said (politics and PR in sports...).
You know nothing about memphis because nearly every week you keep expecting them to lose and they just keep on winning. They have a prolific offense
Baylor’s backup looked pretty good tonight, especially for a freshman. We’ll see how he looks against better competition. Mississippi State is looking better now that the rain has stopped as well. Saturday will answer some lingering questions and enhance some teams’ smack talkers. ;-)
Geaux Tigers!
Going to come down to QB play. LSU needs consistency as Bama will stack the box. Alabama’s QB has had a few interceptions and one or two of those could be game changers.
Clemson looks damn strong this year. Expecting that to be an exciting game.
I can’t wait for my UAB Blazers to get their team back in 2017.
You believe the knee wasn’t down? I would love to see that, frame by frame.
Thanks, Daniel.
Having won more national titles than anyone else, yeah the tide really “roll down the hole’”
Knee was down but player no longer had possession of the ball
Let’s agree to disagree. Duke needs to beat UNC and Pitt regardless of the Miami game.
Thats cool, and yes Duke is still in control of its own destiny right now.
Not anymore.
North Carolina is starting to look scary good.
Arky beats Ole Miss in OT, so tonight’s game LSU-Bama game is for all the marbles.
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