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Pope Francis: God Has Instructed Me to Revise the Ten Commandments (satire)
http://realnewsrightnow.com ^

Posted on 07/07/2015 8:32:31 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

GUAYAQUIL, Ec. – Pope Francis kicked off the start of a three-nation trip across South America today with his first mass, with over a million Ecuadorians in attendance, in the coastal city of Guayaquil. Delivering the mass in Spanish, the Pope spoke about the importance of family in modern society, saying, “It needs to be helped and strengthened, lest we lose our proper sense of the services which society as a whole provides.”

During his sermon, Pope Francis announced to Christians around the world that God had called upon him, instructing him “to revise the most sacred of texts, the Ten Commandments.” Given to the Israelites by God himself at Mount Sinai, the Commandments include instructions for worship and list several prohibited practices.

Pope Francis said Christians around the world are “faced with ever-increasing temptations brought on by the evils of modern society.” The Pope said the updated Commandments reflect the changing times and include some minor rewording of the existing rules as well as the addition of two new Commandments.

The Fourth Commandment, which advocates that proper respect be shown towards one’s parents, has been reworded in order to include children raised by same-sex parents. Pope Francis said the Seventh Commandment, prohibiting adultery and, among other things, homosexuality, has been removed entirely, as instructed by God, in order to extend “God’s grace to all His children.”

Addressing the inclusion of the new Commandments, which bring the total number to eleven, Pope Francis praised the rapid growth of technology in the digital age but said “progress comes at a price.” The new Fifth Commandment, which replaces the prohibition of adultery, forbids all aspects of genetic engineering and bans the consumption of genetically modified foods.

Lastly, the Eleventh Commandment disallows personal idolization and the glorification of one’s self over God. Using the Kardashians, a highly publicized celebrity family, as an example, Pope Francis said, “Selfies are an abomination in the eyes of our Lord.”

A spokesman for the Vatican, Father Federico Lombardi, said the Eleven Commandments are currently being etched into marble by an Italian sculptor and, upon completion, will be unveiled to the world in Saint Peter’s Square following an internationally televised mass.


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS: catholicism; pope; satire; tencommandments
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How long before someone notices? **snort**
1 posted on 07/07/2015 8:32:31 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

yeh right...........


2 posted on 07/07/2015 8:34:21 AM PDT by Sacajaweau (s)
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To: Lucky9teen

In case your forgot - the mods require all satire to be duly notated in the title.

This is satire, right? With this Pope - you never can tell.


3 posted on 07/07/2015 8:34:55 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (With Great Freedom comes Great Responsibility)
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To: Lucky9teen

Sarc? The whole thing?


4 posted on 07/07/2015 8:35:21 AM PDT by Phinneous (Viva Napoli!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Oh man...I clicked HOPING I would find the proper tag. I think garbage like this should always be marked “satire” in the headline. Now I’m off to pop a blood pressure pill.


5 posted on 07/07/2015 8:35:33 AM PDT by dware (Yeah, so? What are we going to do about it?)
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To: Lucky9teen

Certainly you forgot the /sarc.


6 posted on 07/07/2015 8:35:35 AM PDT by Don Corleone ("Oil the gun..eat the cannoli. Take it to the Mattress.")
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To: Responsibility2nd

Oh, I did not know that (re: satire in the title). I put it in the keywords.


7 posted on 07/07/2015 8:35:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Justice will not be served until those who r unaffected r as outraged as those who r. B Franklin)
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To: Lucky9teen

Bad Popes picking Bad Cardinals picking even worst Popes that Pick even Worst Cardinals etc etc etc


8 posted on 07/07/2015 8:36:22 AM PDT by molson209 (Blank)
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To: Lucky9teen; John Semmens

John, if I’m not mistaken, you take all kinds of grief for not labeling your threads with “satire”. And yours are actually very good.


9 posted on 07/07/2015 8:36:22 AM PDT by Servant of the Cross (the Truth will set you free)
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To: Lucky9teen

Surely this is a satire site!


10 posted on 07/07/2015 8:36:24 AM PDT by afraidfortherepublic
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To: Lucky9teen

Is this satire?

If not then this Pope needs to be branded an anti-Christ.


11 posted on 07/07/2015 8:36:36 AM PDT by Obadiah (This is Bravo-6, we have Zips in the wire! I repeat, Zips in the wire.)
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To: Lucky9teen

What is sad to me is how long that hook was stuck in my mouth. In this day and age...I blame everyone except me.


12 posted on 07/07/2015 8:36:40 AM PDT by mad puppy (E PLURIBUS UNUM)
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To: Responsibility2nd

Based on this morning’s news, I thought this was real. Not kidding.


13 posted on 07/07/2015 8:37:18 AM PDT by Pecos (What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Ha, "living documents" too? The first Latin Pope is nothing but disaster controversial.
14 posted on 07/07/2015 8:38:20 AM PDT by Sir Napsalot (Pravda + Useful Idiots = CCCP; JournOList + Useful Idiots = DopeyChangey!)
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To: Responsibility2nd

true that....I read to about the 3rd paragraph going, “could be satire; could be true”


15 posted on 07/07/2015 8:38:22 AM PDT by ZinGirl (kids in college....can't afford a tagline right now)
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To: Lucky9teen

Not to worry. When he is done with the first draft he will send it to the Supreme Court for their translation.


16 posted on 07/07/2015 8:38:45 AM PDT by immadashell (The inmates are running the asylum.)
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To: Lucky9teen
I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, but all I can say is.....

HOLY CRAP!!!


17 posted on 07/07/2015 8:40:38 AM PDT by Buckeye McFrog
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To: Lucky9teen

The title gave it away...


18 posted on 07/07/2015 8:44:04 AM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: Lucky9teen

There will be people tomorrow insisting this is true because they saw it on the internet.


19 posted on 07/07/2015 8:44:30 AM PDT by hoosierham (Freedom isn't free)
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To: Lucky9teen
During his sermon, Pope Francis announced to Christians around the world that God had called upon him, instructing him “to revise the most sacred of texts, the Ten Commandments.” Given to the Israelites by God himself at Mount Sinai, the Commandments include instructions for worship and list several prohibited practices. Pope Francis said Christians around the world are “faced with ever-increasing temptations brought on by the evils of modern society.” The Pope said the updated Commandments reflect the changing times and include some minor rewording of the existing rules as well as the addition of two new Commandments.

I can imagine how much extra time you'll be spending in Purgatory for this!

20 posted on 07/07/2015 8:44:35 AM PDT by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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