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Part of the pre-vetting is that a man in a relationship seems safe. A women hung out with him, went over to his place, spent the night in his bed - and didn't wind up beaten up or dead or locked in a box under the bed.

So many people sabotage their own relationships/dating/marriages with basic, simple errors ahead of time.

A guy I work out with is in his late 40's, never married. Super nice guy, above average looks and is fit with a good job. Problem is he still lives with his parents-never moved out. As soon as women find out before dating him or after the first date they run like the wind. He is automatically looked upon as a loser.

My uncle married a woman in her late 30's-both their first marriages though he dated a lot in the past. Divorced 2 years later. She was a virgin when he met her and guess what? She was as frigid as a popsicle. Zero sex drive. Sex maybe 5-6 times per year not matter what he did. He should have put 2+2 together and figured ahead of time sex was not a priority in her life... at that age with her still being a virgin and should have discussed it in detail what to expect. We asked him what were you thinking?

I dated a woman from a traditional culture that was a 36 year old virgin. I figured she might have potential and asked her if she engaged in masturbation - when she said no I was very troubled by her lack of sex drive and lack of even self experience with sexuality.

We spent a few nights together, and she was not comfortable receiving pleasure. After fooling around a little (very little) she told me it was the first time she had touched a man's sexual organ - I replied “I could tell”.

Later she seemed disappointed that things didn't go further and told me “If you want something you have to TAKE it!” and I told her in my culture that is considered RAPE.

I broke up with her after going to Sea World and she wore stupid shoes for a day of standing around and walking around. Who has the time to train someone up from nothing in their late 30’s? I didn't have much hope at that point that it was fertile sexual soil just waiting for the right conditions to spring up into a garden.

Sometimes when someone misses the boat - it sails on without them - and they never will make it to the promised land.

My uncle married a woman in her late 30's-both their first marriages though he dated a lot in the past. Divorced 2 years later. She was a virgin when he met her and guess what? She was as frigid as a popsicle. Zero sex drive. Sex maybe 5-6 times per year not matter what he did. He should have put 2+2 together and figured ahead of time sex was not a priority in her life... at that age with her still being a virgin and should have discussed it in detail what to expect. We asked him what were you thinking?

That particular kind of naivete is especially prevalent on FR. I can no longer remember the FReeperette's name, but on a thread a long time ago, she even postulated that most couples give up french kissing early into marriage. Having been married over 20 years, I assured her that was not the case in healthy marriages, which led to an exchange that left me with nothing but a profound sympathy for her husband.